diff --git a/src/chuck_quotes b/data/chuck_quotes
similarity index 100%
rename from src/chuck_quotes
rename to data/chuck_quotes
diff --git a/src/ligma_list b/data/ligma_list
similarity index 100%
rename from src/ligma_list
rename to data/ligma_list
diff --git a/data/limericks b/data/limericks
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..7322d71
--- /dev/null
+++ b/data/limericks
@@ -0,0 +1,473 @@
+Limericks I cannot compose,
+With noxious smells in my nose.
+But this one was easy,
+I only felt queasy,
+Because I was sniffing my toes.
+%
+There was a young woman named Bright,
+Whose speed was much faster than light.
+She set out one day,
+In a relative way,
+And returned on the previous night.
+%
+There was an odd fellow named Gus,
+When traveling he made such a fuss.
+He was banned from the train,
+Not allowed on a plane,
+And now travels only by bus.
+%
+There once was a fly on the wall,
+I wonder, why didn’t it fall?
+Because its feet stuck? Or was it just luck?
+Or does gravity miss things so small?
+%
+There once was a man from Tibet,
+Who couldn’t find a cigarette
+So he smoked all his socks,
+and got chicken-pox,
+and had to go to the vet.
+%
+There was a young woman named Bright,
+Whose speed was much faster than light.
+She set out one day,
+In a relative way,
+And returned on the previous night.
+%
+I need a front door for my hall,
+The replacement I bought was too tall.
+So I hacked it and chopped it,
+And carefully lopped it,
+And now the dumb thing is too small
+%
+There once was a boy named Dan,
+who wanted to fry in a pan.
+He tried and he tried,
+and eventually died,
+that weird little boy named Dan.
+%
+A newspaperman named Fling,
+Could make “copy” from any old thing.
+But the copy he wrote,
+Of a five-dollar note,
+Was so good he now wears so much bling.
+%
+I know an old owl named Boo,
+Every night he yelled Hoo,
+Once a kid walked by,
+And started to cry,
+And yelled I don’t have a clue!
+%
+I once fell in love with a blonde,
+But found that she wasn’t so fond.
+Of my pet turtle named Odle,
+whom I’d taught how to Yodel,
+So she dumped him outside in the pond.
+%
+I’d rather have Fingers than Toes,
+I’d rather have Ears than a Nose.
+And as for my Hair,
+I’m glad it’s all there,
+I’ll be awfully sad, when it goes.
+%
+There was a Young Lady whose chin
+Resembled the point of a pin:
+So she had it made sharp,
+And purchased a harp,
+And played several tunes with her chin. (Edward Lear)
+%
+Hickory Dickory dock,
+the mouse ran up the clock;
+the clock struck one
+and down he run;
+hickory Dickory dock. (Charles Perrault)
+%
+There was a faith-healer of Deal,
+Who said: “Although pain isn’t real,
+If I sit on a pin
+And it punctures my skin,
+I dislike what I fancy I feel.
+%
+My dog is really quite hip,
+Except when he takes a cold dip.
+He looks like a fool,
+when he jumps in the pool,
+and reminds me of a sinking ship.
+%
+A painter, who lived in Great Britain,
+Interrupted two girls with their knitting,
+He said, with a sigh,
+That park bench–well I,
+Just painted it, right where you’re sitting.
+%
+There is a young schoolboy named Mason,
+Whose mom cuts his hair with a basin.
+When he stands in one place,
+With a scarf round his face,
+It’s a mystery which way he’s facing.
+%
+There was a young schoolboy of Rye,
+Who was baked by mistake in a pie.
+To his mother’s disgust,
+He emerged through the crust,
+And exclaimed, with a yawn, Where am I?
+%
+An elderly man called Keith,
+Mislaid his set of false teeth.
+They’d been laid on a chair,
+He’d forgot they were there,
+Sat down, and was bitten beneath.
+%
+There was an old man of Peru,
+Who dreamt he was eating his shoe.
+He woke in the night,
+With a terrible fright,
+And found it was perfectly true.
+%
+The incredible Wizard of Oz,
+Retired from his business becoz.
+Due to up-to-date science,
+To most of his clients,
+He wasn’t the Wizard he woz.
+%
+Once I visited France,
+And learned a new, awesome dance.
+I twirled,
+And I swirled,
+And Is it me or the nature of money,
+That’s odd and particularly funny.
+But when I have dough,
+It goes quickly, you know,
+And seeps out of my pockets like honey.
+I lost my pants.
+%
+Is it me or the nature of money,
+That’s odd and particularly funny.
+But when I have dough,
+It goes quickly, you know,
+And seeps out of my pockets like honey.
+%
+There once was a farmer from Leeds,
+Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
+It soon came to pass,
+He was covered with grass,
+But has all the tomatoes he needs.
+%
+A fellow jumped off a high wall,
+And had a most terrible fall.
+He went back to bed,
+With a bump on his head,
+That’s why you don’t jump off a wall.
+%
+A man and his lady-love, Min,
+Skated out where the ice was quite thin.
+Had a quarrel, no doubt,
+For I hear they fell out,
+What a blessing they didn’t fall in!
+%
+There was a young lady of Cork,
+Whose Pa made a fortune in pork.
+He bought for his daughter,
+A tutor who taught her,
+To balance green peas on her fork.
+%
+There once was a Martian called Zed
+With antennae all over his head.
+He sent out a lot
+Di-di-dash-di-dot
+But nobody knew what he said!
+%
+There once was a girl named Sam
+Who did not eat roast beef and ham
+She ate a green apple
+Then drank some Snapple
+Some say she eats like a lamb.
+%
+Said the man with a wink of his eye
+‘But I love you‘ and then the reply
+From the girl, it was heard
+‘You are truly absurd!
+I have only this moment walked by!’
+%
+A wonderful bird is the Pelican.
+His beak can hold more than his belly can.
+He can hold in his beak
+Enough food for a week!
+But I’ll be darned if I know how the hellican?
+%
+There was once a great man in Japan
+Whose name on Tuesday began,
+It lasted through Sunday
+Till twilight on Monday
+And it sounded like stones in a can.
+%
+There was a young man so benighted
+He never knew when he was slighted;
+He would go to a party
+And eat just as hearty,
+As if he’d been really invited.
+%
+There was an old man from Sudan,
+Whose limericks never would scan.
+When told this was so,
+He said, ‘yes, I know.
+‘But I always try to get as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can.’
+%
+A maiden at college, Miss Breeze,
+Weighed down by B.A.s and Lit.D’s,
+Collapsed from the strain,
+Said her doctor, “It’s plain
+You are killing yourself—by degrees!”
+%
+A canner, exceedingly canny,
+One morning remarked to his granny,
+“A canner can can
+Anything that he can;
+But a canner can’t can a can, can he?”
+%
+A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd
+She was frightened—it must be allowed.
+Soon a happy thought hit her—
+To scare off the critter,
+She sat up in bed and meowed.
+%
+There was a young woman named Kite,
+Whose speed was much faster than light,
+She set out one day,
+In a relative way,
+And returned on the previous night.
+%
+A flea and a fly in a flue,
+Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
+Said the fly, “Let us flee!”
+“Let us fly,” said the flea,
+And they flew through a flaw in the flue.
+%
+A major, with wonderful force,
+Called out in Hyde Park for a horse.
+All the flowers looked round,
+But no horse could be found;
+So he just rhododendron, of course.
+%
+A nifty young flapper named Jane
+While walking was caught in the rain.
+She ran–almost flew,
+Her complexion did too,
+And she reached home exceedingly plain.
+%
+“There’s a train at 4:04,” said Miss Jenny.
+“Four tickets I’ll take; have you any?”
+Said the man at the door,
+“Not four for 4:04,
+For four for 4:04 is too many.”
+%
+A canny young fisher named Fisher
+Once fished from the edge of a fissure.
+A fish with a grin
+Pulled the fisherman in—
+Now they’re fishing the fissure for Fisher.
+%
+Here’s to the chigger,
+The bug that’s no bigger
+Than the point of an undersized pin;
+But the welt that he raises
+Sure itches like blazes,
+And that’s where the rub comes in!
+%
+A cheerful old bear at the Zoo
+Could always find something to do.
+When it bored him, you know,
+To walk to and fro,
+He reversed it and walked fro and to.
+%
+The bottle of perfume that Willie sent
+Was highly displeasing to Millicent;
+Her thanks were so cold
+They quarreled, I’m told,
+Through that silly scent Willie sent Millicent.
+%
+I bought a new Hoover today,
+Plugged it in in the usual way,
+Switched it on – what a din;
+It sucked everything in,
+Now I’m homeless with no place to stay.
+%
+A crossword compiler named Moss
+Who found himself quite at a loss
+When asked, ‘Why so blue?’
+Said, ‘I haven’t a clue
+I’m 2 Down to put 1 Across.’
+%
+I’m papering walls in the loo
+And quite frankly I haven’t a clue;
+For the pattern’s all wrong
+(Or the paper’s too long)
+And I’m stuck to the toilet with glue.
+%
+There once was an old man of Esser,
+Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
+It at last grew so small
+He knew nothing at all
+And now he’s a college professor.
+%
+To compose a sonata today,
+Don’t proceed in the old-fashioned way:
+With your toes on the keys,
+Bang the floor with your knees:
+“Oh how modern!” the critics will say.
+%
+There was a young lady named Perkins,
+Who just simply doted on gherkins.
+In spite of advice,
+She ate so much spice,
+That she pickled her internal workins’.
+%
+There was an old man of Nantucket
+Who kept all his cash in a bucket;
+But his daughter, named Nan
+Ran away with a man —
+And as far as the bucket, Nantucket.
+%
+There was a young lady of Kent,
+Whose nose was most awfully bent.
+She followed her nose
+One day, I suppose —
+And no one knows which way she went.
+%
+There was a young lady named Hannah,
+Who slipped on a peel of banana.
+As she lay on her side,
+More stars she espied
+Than there are in the Star-Spangled Banner.
+%
+There was a dear lady of Eden,
+Who on apples was quite fond of feedin’;
+She gave one to Adam,
+Who said, “Thank you, Madam,”
+And then both skedaddled from Eden.
+%
+A certain young fellow named Bee-Bee
+Wished to wed a woman named Phoebe.
+“But,” he said, “I must see
+What the clerical fee
+Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Bee-Bee
+%
+Remember when nearly sixteen
+On your very first date as a teen
+At the movies? If yes,
+Then I bet you can’t guess
+What was shown on the cinema screen.
+%
+There was an old person of Fratton
+Who would go to church with his hat on.
+‘If I wake up,’ he said,
+‘With a hat on my head,
+I will know that it hasn’t been sat on.’
+%
+My neighbor came over to say
+(Although not in a neighborly way)
+That he’d knock me around
+If I didn’t curb the sound
+Of the classical music I play.
+%
+I told him, “Get out of my place
+You’re an utter uncultured disgrace;
+You’re a simpleton loon.
+Don’t you know a good tune?”
+Then he walloped me square in the face.
+%
+There was a young man from Dealing
+Who caught the bus for Ealing.
+It said on the door
+‘Don’t spit on the floor’
+So he jumped up and spat on the ceiling
+%
+As 007 walked by
+He heard a wee spider say, “Hi.”
+But shaken, he shot
+It right there on the spot
+As it tried to explain, “I’m a spi …”
+%
+A tutor who tooted the flute
+Tried to tutor two tooters to toot
+Said the two to the tutor
+“Is it tougher to toot or
+To tutor two tooters to toot?”
+%
+No woodsman would cut a wood, would he
+If woods would be woodless – nor should he.
+Yet no woodcutter would
+Cut a woody-wood wood
+If no woodsmen cut woody woods, would he?
+%
+There once was a man from the sticks
+Who loved to compose limericks
+But he failed at his sport
+They were always too short
+Parade Daily
+Celebrity interviews, recipes and health tips delivered to your inbox.
+%
+A poet whose friends called him Steve
+Once showed quite a will to achieve
+His skill grew so strong
+That his poems grew long
+And he sadly was forced to abbrev.
+%
+If you catch a chinchilla in Chile
+And cut off its beard, willy-nilly
+You can honestly say
+That you have just made
+A Chilean chinchilla’s chin chilly
+%
+There once was a man named Muvett
+Who lived in the city of Lovett
+But his car broke down
+Two miles out of town
+And Muvett had to shove it to Lovett!
+%
+There once was a beautiful nurse
+Who carried an ugly old purse
+But she tripped on the door
+And fell on the floor
+And they both went away in the hearse.
+%
+There was a young girl from Flynn
+Who was so terribly thin
+When she sipped lemonade
+Through a straw in the shade
+She slipped through the straw and fell in!
+%
+There once was a man from Gorem
+Had a pair of tight pants and he wore ’em
+When he bowed with a grin
+A draft of air rushed in
+And he knew by the sound that he tore ’em!
+%
+There once was a man from the city
+Stooped to pat what he thought was a kitty
+He gave it a pat
+But it wasn’t a cat-
+They buried his clothes – what a pity!
+%
+There once was a gal from Decatur
+Who went to sing in a the-a-ter
+But the poor little thing
+When she started to sing
+Got hit by a rotten termater! (tomato)
+%
+What happens when you retire?
+You really don’t have to inquire –
+No job and no phone
+There’s no place but home,
+And your checkbook’s about to expire!
+%
+At times I’m so mad that I’m hopping.
+My angriness sets my veins popping.
+I yell and I curse,
+With swear words diverse,
+But my wife does much worse: she goes shopping
+%
+One Saturday morning at three,
+A cheese monger’s shop in Paree.
+Collapsed to the ground,
+With a thunderous sound,
+Leaving only a pile of de brie.
diff --git a/lulzbot.py b/lulzbot.py
index 92b4196..f871bd3 100644
--- a/lulzbot.py
+++ b/lulzbot.py
@@ -23,10 +23,10 @@ import numpy as np
from fortune import fortune
from src.twitter import get_tweet
from src.cartman import cartman_speak
-from src.limericks import limerick
-chuck_quotes = open('src/chuck_quotes').read().split('\n%\n')
-ligma_list = open('src/ligma_list').read().split('\n')
+chuck_quotes = open('data/chuck_quotes').read().split('\n%\n')
+ligma_list = open('data/ligma_list').read().split('\n')
+limericks = open('data/limericks').read().split('\n%\n')
def show_menu():
return menu
@@ -37,6 +37,9 @@ def musk():
def ligma():
return np.random.choice(ligma_list)
+def limerick():
+ return np.random.choice(limericks)
+
def prost():
return 'https://tenor.com/view/prost-christoph-waltz-django-bier-zum-wohle-gif-11041516'
diff --git a/src/limericks.py b/src/limericks.py
deleted file mode 100644
index 176a1a0..0000000
--- a/src/limericks.py
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,479 +0,0 @@
-import numpy as np
-
-def limerick():
- limericks = [
- 'Limericks I cannot compose,\n\
- With noxious smells in my nose.\n\
- But this one was easy,\n\
- I only felt queasy,\n\
- Because I was sniffing my toes.',
- \
- 'There was a young woman named Bright,\n\
- Whose speed was much faster than light.\n\
- She set out one day,\n\
- In a relative way,\n\
- And returned on the previous night.',
- \
- 'There was an odd fellow named Gus,\n\
- When traveling he made such a fuss.\n\
- He was banned from the train,\n\
- Not allowed on a plane,\n\
- And now travels only by bus.',
- \
- 'There once was a fly on the wall,\n\
- I wonder, why didn’t it fall?\n\
- Because its feet stuck? Or was it just luck?\n\
- Or does gravity miss things so small?',
- \
- 'There once was a man from Tibet,\n\
- Who couldn’t find a cigarette\n\
- So he smoked all his socks,\n\
- and got chicken-pox,\n\
- and had to go to the vet.',
- \
- 'There was a young woman named Bright,\n\
- Whose speed was much faster than light.\n\
- She set out one day,\n\
- In a relative way,\n\
- And returned on the previous night.',
- \
- 'I need a front door for my hall,\n\
- The replacement I bought was too tall.\n\
- So I hacked it and chopped it,\n\
- And carefully lopped it,\n\
- And now the dumb thing is too small',
- \
- 'There once was a boy named Dan,\n\
- who wanted to fry in a pan.\n\
- He tried and he tried,\n\
- and eventually died,\n\
- that weird little boy named Dan.',
- \
- 'A newspaperman named Fling,\n\
- Could make “copy” from any old thing.\n\
- But the copy he wrote,\n\
- Of a five-dollar note,\n\
- Was so good he now wears so much bling.',
- \
- 'I know an old owl named Boo,\n\
- Every night he yelled Hoo,\n\
- Once a kid walked by,\n\
- And started to cry,\n\
- And yelled I don’t have a clue!',
- \
- 'I once fell in love with a blonde,\n\
- But found that she wasn’t so fond.\n\
- Of my pet turtle named Odle,\n\
- whom I’d taught how to Yodel,\n\
- So she dumped him outside in the pond.',
- \
- 'I’d rather have Fingers than Toes,\n\
- I’d rather have Ears than a Nose.\n\
- And as for my Hair,\n\
- I’m glad it’s all there,\n\
- I’ll be awfully sad, when it goes.',
- \
- 'There was a Young Lady whose chin\n\
- Resembled the point of a pin:\n\
- So she had it made sharp,\n\
- And purchased a harp,\n\
- And played several tunes with her chin. (Edward Lear)',
- \
- 'Hickory Dickory dock,\n\
- the mouse ran up the clock;\n\
- the clock struck one\n\
- and down he run;\n\
- hickory Dickory dock. (Charles Perrault)',
- \
- 'There was a faith-healer of Deal,\n\
- Who said: “Although pain isn’t real,\n\
- If I sit on a pin\n\
- And it punctures my skin,\n\
- I dislike what I fancy I feel.',
- \
- 'My dog is really quite hip,\n\
- Except when he takes a cold dip.\n\
- He looks like a fool,\n\
- when he jumps in the pool,\n\
- and reminds me of a sinking ship.',
- \
- 'A painter, who lived in Great Britain,\n\
- Interrupted two girls with their knitting,\n\
- He said, with a sigh,\n\
- That park bench–well I,\n\
- Just painted it, right where you’re sitting.',
- \
- 'There is a young schoolboy named Mason,\n\
- Whose mom cuts his hair with a basin.\n\
- When he stands in one place,\n\
- With a scarf round his face,\n\
- It’s a mystery which way he’s facing.',
- \
- 'There was a young schoolboy of Rye,\n\
- Who was baked by mistake in a pie.\n\
- To his mother’s disgust,\n\
- He emerged through the crust,\n\
- And exclaimed, with a yawn, Where am I?',
- \
- 'An elderly man called Keith,\n\
- Mislaid his set of false teeth.\n\
- They’d been laid on a chair,\n\
- He’d forgot they were there,\n\
- Sat down, and was bitten beneath.',
- \
- 'There was an old man of Peru,\n\
- Who dreamt he was eating his shoe.\n\
- He woke in the night,\n\
- With a terrible fright,\n\
- And found it was perfectly true.',
- \
- 'The incredible Wizard of Oz,\n\
- Retired from his business becoz.\n\
- Due to up-to-date science,\n\
- To most of his clients,\n\
- He wasn’t the Wizard he woz.',
- \
- 'Once I visited France,\n\
- And learned a new, awesome dance.\n\
- I twirled,\n\
- And I swirled,\n\
- And Is it me or the nature of money,\n\
- That’s odd and particularly funny.\n\
- But when I have dough,\n\
- It goes quickly, you know,\n\
- And seeps out of my pockets like honey.\n\
- I lost my pants.',
- \
- 'Is it me or the nature of money,\n\
- That’s odd and particularly funny.\n\
- But when I have dough,\n\
- It goes quickly, you know,\n\
- And seeps out of my pockets like honey.',
- \
- 'There once was a farmer from Leeds,\n\
- Who swallowed a packet of seeds.\n\
- It soon came to pass,\n\
- He was covered with grass,\n\
- But has all the tomatoes he needs.',
- \
- 'A fellow jumped off a high wall,\n\
- And had a most terrible fall.\n\
- He went back to bed,\n\
- With a bump on his head,\n\
- That’s why you don’t jump off a wall.',
- \
- 'A man and his lady-love, Min,\n\
- Skated out where the ice was quite thin.\n\
- Had a quarrel, no doubt,\n\
- For I hear they fell out,\n\
- What a blessing they didn’t fall in!',
- \
- 'There was a young lady of Cork,\n\
- Whose Pa made a fortune in pork.\n\
- He bought for his daughter,\n\
- A tutor who taught her,\n\
- To balance green peas on her fork.',
- \
- 'There once was a Martian called Zed\n\
- With antennae all over his head.\n\
- He sent out a lot\n\
- Di-di-dash-di-dot\n\
- But nobody knew what he said!',
- \
- 'There once was a girl named Sam\n\
- Who did not eat roast beef and ham\n\
- She ate a green apple\n\
- Then drank some Snapple\n\
- Some say she eats like a lamb.',
- \
- 'Said the man with a wink of his eye\n\
- ‘But I love you‘ and then the reply\n\
- From the girl, it was heard\n\
- ‘You are truly absurd!\n\
- I have only this moment walked by!’',
- \
- 'A wonderful bird is the Pelican.\n\
- His beak can hold more than his belly can.\n\
- He can hold in his beak\n\
- Enough food for a week!\n\
- But I’ll be darned if I know how the hellican?',
- \
- 'There was once a great man in Japan\n\
- Whose name on Tuesday began,\n\
- It lasted through Sunday\n\
- Till twilight on Monday\n\
- And it sounded like stones in a can.',
- \
- 'There was a young man so benighted\n\
- He never knew when he was slighted;\n\
- He would go to a party\n\
- And eat just as hearty,\n\
- As if he’d been really invited.',
- \
- 'There was an old man from Sudan,\n\
- Whose limericks never would scan.\n\
- When told this was so,\n\
- He said, ‘yes, I know.\n\
- ‘But I always try to get as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can.’',
- \
- 'A maiden at college, Miss Breeze,\n\
- Weighed down by B.A.s and Lit.D’s,\n\
- Collapsed from the strain,\n\
- Said her doctor, “It’s plain\n\
- You are killing yourself—by degrees!”',
- \
- 'A canner, exceedingly canny,\n\
- One morning remarked to his granny,\n\
- “A canner can can\n\
- Anything that he can;\n\
- But a canner can’t can a can, can he?”',
- \
- 'A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd\n\
- She was frightened—it must be allowed.\n\
- Soon a happy thought hit her—\n\
- To scare off the critter,\n\
- She sat up in bed and meowed.',
- \
- 'There was a young woman named Kite,\n\
- Whose speed was much faster than light,\n\
- She set out one day,\n\
- In a relative way,\n\
- And returned on the previous night.',
- \
- 'A flea and a fly in a flue,\n\
- Were imprisoned, so what could they do?\n\
- Said the fly, “Let us flee!”\n\
- “Let us fly,” said the flea,\n\
- And they flew through a flaw in the flue.',
- \
- 'A major, with wonderful force,\n\
- Called out in Hyde Park for a horse.\n\
- All the flowers looked round,\n\
- But no horse could be found;\n\
- So he just rhododendron, of course.',
- \
- 'A nifty young flapper named Jane\n\
- While walking was caught in the rain.\n\
- She ran–almost flew,\n\
- Her complexion did too,\n\
- And she reached home exceedingly plain.',
- \
- '“There’s a train at 4:04,” said Miss Jenny.\n\
- “Four tickets I’ll take; have you any?”\n\
- Said the man at the door,\n\
- “Not four for 4:04,\n\
- For four for 4:04 is too many.”',
- \
- 'A canny young fisher named Fisher\n\
- Once fished from the edge of a fissure.\n\
- A fish with a grin\n\
- Pulled the fisherman in—\n\
- Now they’re fishing the fissure for Fisher.',
- \
- 'Here’s to the chigger,\n\
- The bug that’s no bigger\n\
- Than the point of an undersized pin;\n\
- But the welt that he raises\n\
- Sure itches like blazes,\n\
- And that’s where the rub comes in!',
- \
- 'A cheerful old bear at the Zoo\n\
- Could always find something to do.\n\
- When it bored him, you know,\n\
- To walk to and fro,\n\
- He reversed it and walked fro and to.',
- \
- 'The bottle of perfume that Willie sent\n\
- Was highly displeasing to Millicent;\n\
- Her thanks were so cold\n\
- They quarreled, I’m told,\n\
- Through that silly scent Willie sent Millicent.',
- \
- 'I bought a new Hoover today,\n\
- Plugged it in in the usual way,\n\
- Switched it on – what a din;\n\
- It sucked everything in,\n\
- Now I’m homeless with no place to stay.',
- \
- 'A crossword compiler named Moss\n\
- Who found himself quite at a loss\n\
- When asked, ‘Why so blue?’\n\
- Said, ‘I haven’t a clue\n\
- I’m 2 Down to put 1 Across.’',
- \
- 'I’m papering walls in the loo\n\
- And quite frankly I haven’t a clue;\n\
- For the pattern’s all wrong\n\
- (Or the paper’s too long)\n\
- And I’m stuck to the toilet with glue.',
- \
- 'There once was an old man of Esser,\n\
- Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,\n\
- It at last grew so small\n\
- He knew nothing at all\n\
- And now he’s a college professor.',
- \
- 'To compose a sonata today,\n\
- Don’t proceed in the old-fashioned way:\n\
- With your toes on the keys,\n\
- Bang the floor with your knees:\n\
- “Oh how modern!” the critics will say.',
- \
- 'There was a young lady named Perkins,\n\
- Who just simply doted on gherkins.\n\
- In spite of advice,\n\
- She ate so much spice,\n\
- That she pickled her internal workins’.',
- \
- 'There was an old man of Nantucket\n\
- Who kept all his cash in a bucket;\n\
- But his daughter, named Nan\n\
- Ran away with a man —\n\
- And as far as the bucket, Nantucket.',
- \
- 'There was a young lady of Kent,\n\
- Whose nose was most awfully bent.\n\
- She followed her nose\n\
- One day, I suppose —\n\
- And no one knows which way she went.',
- \
- 'There was a young lady named Hannah,\n\
- Who slipped on a peel of banana.\n\
- As she lay on her side,\n\
- More stars she espied\n\
- Than there are in the Star-Spangled Banner.',
- \
- 'There was a dear lady of Eden,\n\
- Who on apples was quite fond of feedin’;\n\
- She gave one to Adam,\n\
- Who said, “Thank you, Madam,”\n\
- And then both skedaddled from Eden.',
- \
- 'A certain young fellow named Bee-Bee\n\
- Wished to wed a woman named Phoebe.\n\
- “But,” he said, “I must see\n\
- What the clerical fee\n\
- Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Bee-Bee',
- \
- 'Remember when nearly sixteen\n\
- On your very first date as a teen\n\
- At the movies? If yes,\n\
- Then I bet you can’t guess\n\
- What was shown on the cinema screen.',
- \
- 'There was an old person of Fratton\n\
- Who would go to church with his hat on.\n\
- ‘If I wake up,’ he said,\n\
- ‘With a hat on my head,\n\
- I will know that it hasn’t been sat on.’',
- \
- 'My neighbor came over to say\n\
- (Although not in a neighborly way)\n\
- That he’d knock me around\n\
- If I didn’t curb the sound\n\
- Of the classical music I play.',
- \
- 'I told him, “Get out of my place\n\
- You’re an utter uncultured disgrace;\n\
- You’re a simpleton loon.\n\
- Don’t you know a good tune?”\n\
- Then he walloped me square in the face.',
- \
- 'There was a young man from Dealing\n\
- Who caught the bus for Ealing.\n\
- It said on the door\n\
- ‘Don’t spit on the floor’\n\
- So he jumped up and spat on the ceiling',
- \
- 'As 007 walked by\n\
- He heard a wee spider say, “Hi.”\n\
- But shaken, he shot\n\
- It right there on the spot\n\
- As it tried to explain, “I’m a spi …”',
- \
- 'A tutor who tooted the flute\n\
- Tried to tutor two tooters to toot\n\
- Said the two to the tutor\n\
- “Is it tougher to toot or\n\
- To tutor two tooters to toot?”',
- \
- 'No woodsman would cut a wood, would he\n\
- If woods would be woodless – nor should he.\n\
- Yet no woodcutter would\n\
- Cut a woody-wood wood\n\
- If no woodsmen cut woody woods, would he?',
- \
- 'There once was a man from the sticks\n\
- Who loved to compose limericks\n\
- But he failed at his sport\n\
- They were always too short\n\
- Parade Daily\n\
- Celebrity interviews, recipes and health tips delivered to your inbox.',
- \
- 'A poet whose friends called him Steve\n\
- Once showed quite a will to achieve\n\
- His skill grew so strong\n\
- That his poems grew long\n\
- And he sadly was forced to abbrev.',
- \
- 'If you catch a chinchilla in Chile\n\
- And cut off its beard, willy-nilly\n\
- You can honestly say\n\
- That you have just made\n\
- A Chilean chinchilla’s chin chilly',
- \
- 'There once was a man named Muvett\n\
- Who lived in the city of Lovett\n\
- But his car broke down\n\
- Two miles out of town\n\
- And Muvett had to shove it to Lovett!',
- \
- 'There once was a beautiful nurse\n\
- Who carried an ugly old purse\n\
- But she tripped on the door\n\
- And fell on the floor\n\
- And they both went away in the hearse.',
- \
- 'There was a young girl from Flynn\n\
- Who was so terribly thin\n\
- When she sipped lemonade\n\
- Through a straw in the shade\n\
- She slipped through the straw and fell in!',
- \
- 'There once was a man from Gorem\n\
- Had a pair of tight pants and he wore ’em\n\
- When he bowed with a grin\n\
- A draft of air rushed in\n\
- And he knew by the sound that he tore ’em!',
- \
- 'There once was a man from the city\n\
- Stooped to pat what he thought was a kitty\n\
- He gave it a pat\n\
- But it wasn’t a cat-\n\
- They buried his clothes – what a pity!',
- \
- 'There once was a gal from Decatur\n\
- Who went to sing in a the-a-ter\n\
- But the poor little thing\n\
- When she started to sing\n\
- Got hit by a rotten termater! (tomato)',
- \
- 'What happens when you retire?\n\
- You really don’t have to inquire –\n\
- No job and no phone\n\
- There’s no place but home,\n\
- And your checkbook’s about to expire!',
- \
- 'At times I’m so mad that I’m hopping.\n\
- My angriness sets my veins popping.\n\
- I yell and I curse,\n\
- With swear words diverse,\n\
- But my wife does much worse: she goes shopping',
- \
- 'One Saturday morning at three,\n\
- A cheese monger’s shop in Paree.\n\
- Collapsed to the ground,\n\
- With a thunderous sound,\n\
- Leaving only a pile of de brie.'
- ]
- return np.random.choice(limericks)