diff --git a/src/chuck_quotes b/data/chuck_quotes similarity index 100% rename from src/chuck_quotes rename to data/chuck_quotes diff --git a/src/ligma_list b/data/ligma_list similarity index 100% rename from src/ligma_list rename to data/ligma_list diff --git a/data/limericks b/data/limericks new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7322d71 --- /dev/null +++ b/data/limericks @@ -0,0 +1,473 @@ +Limericks I cannot compose, +With noxious smells in my nose. +But this one was easy, +I only felt queasy, +Because I was sniffing my toes. +% +There was a young woman named Bright, +Whose speed was much faster than light. +She set out one day, +In a relative way, +And returned on the previous night. +% +There was an odd fellow named Gus, +When traveling he made such a fuss. +He was banned from the train, +Not allowed on a plane, +And now travels only by bus. +% +There once was a fly on the wall, +I wonder, why didn’t it fall? +Because its feet stuck? Or was it just luck? +Or does gravity miss things so small? +% +There once was a man from Tibet, +Who couldn’t find a cigarette +So he smoked all his socks, +and got chicken-pox, +and had to go to the vet. +% +There was a young woman named Bright, +Whose speed was much faster than light. +She set out one day, +In a relative way, +And returned on the previous night. +% +I need a front door for my hall, +The replacement I bought was too tall. +So I hacked it and chopped it, +And carefully lopped it, +And now the dumb thing is too small +% +There once was a boy named Dan, +who wanted to fry in a pan. +He tried and he tried, +and eventually died, +that weird little boy named Dan. +% +A newspaperman named Fling, +Could make “copy” from any old thing. +But the copy he wrote, +Of a five-dollar note, +Was so good he now wears so much bling. +% +I know an old owl named Boo, +Every night he yelled Hoo, +Once a kid walked by, +And started to cry, +And yelled I don’t have a clue! +% +I once fell in love with a blonde, +But found that she wasn’t so fond. +Of my pet turtle named Odle, +whom I’d taught how to Yodel, +So she dumped him outside in the pond. +% +I’d rather have Fingers than Toes, +I’d rather have Ears than a Nose. +And as for my Hair, +I’m glad it’s all there, +I’ll be awfully sad, when it goes. +% +There was a Young Lady whose chin +Resembled the point of a pin: +So she had it made sharp, +And purchased a harp, +And played several tunes with her chin. (Edward Lear) +% +Hickory Dickory dock, +the mouse ran up the clock; +the clock struck one +and down he run; +hickory Dickory dock. (Charles Perrault) +% +There was a faith-healer of Deal, +Who said: “Although pain isn’t real, +If I sit on a pin +And it punctures my skin, +I dislike what I fancy I feel. +% +My dog is really quite hip, +Except when he takes a cold dip. +He looks like a fool, +when he jumps in the pool, +and reminds me of a sinking ship. +% +A painter, who lived in Great Britain, +Interrupted two girls with their knitting, +He said, with a sigh, +That park bench–well I, +Just painted it, right where you’re sitting. +% +There is a young schoolboy named Mason, +Whose mom cuts his hair with a basin. +When he stands in one place, +With a scarf round his face, +It’s a mystery which way he’s facing. +% +There was a young schoolboy of Rye, +Who was baked by mistake in a pie. +To his mother’s disgust, +He emerged through the crust, +And exclaimed, with a yawn, Where am I? +% +An elderly man called Keith, +Mislaid his set of false teeth. +They’d been laid on a chair, +He’d forgot they were there, +Sat down, and was bitten beneath. +% +There was an old man of Peru, +Who dreamt he was eating his shoe. +He woke in the night, +With a terrible fright, +And found it was perfectly true. +% +The incredible Wizard of Oz, +Retired from his business becoz. +Due to up-to-date science, +To most of his clients, +He wasn’t the Wizard he woz. +% +Once I visited France, +And learned a new, awesome dance. +I twirled, +And I swirled, +And Is it me or the nature of money, +That’s odd and particularly funny. +But when I have dough, +It goes quickly, you know, +And seeps out of my pockets like honey. +I lost my pants. +% +Is it me or the nature of money, +That’s odd and particularly funny. +But when I have dough, +It goes quickly, you know, +And seeps out of my pockets like honey. +% +There once was a farmer from Leeds, +Who swallowed a packet of seeds. +It soon came to pass, +He was covered with grass, +But has all the tomatoes he needs. +% +A fellow jumped off a high wall, +And had a most terrible fall. +He went back to bed, +With a bump on his head, +That’s why you don’t jump off a wall. +% +A man and his lady-love, Min, +Skated out where the ice was quite thin. +Had a quarrel, no doubt, +For I hear they fell out, +What a blessing they didn’t fall in! +% +There was a young lady of Cork, +Whose Pa made a fortune in pork. +He bought for his daughter, +A tutor who taught her, +To balance green peas on her fork. +% +There once was a Martian called Zed +With antennae all over his head. +He sent out a lot +Di-di-dash-di-dot +But nobody knew what he said! +% +There once was a girl named Sam +Who did not eat roast beef and ham +She ate a green apple +Then drank some Snapple +Some say she eats like a lamb. +% +Said the man with a wink of his eye +‘But I love you‘ and then the reply +From the girl, it was heard +‘You are truly absurd! +I have only this moment walked by!’ +% +A wonderful bird is the Pelican. +His beak can hold more than his belly can. +He can hold in his beak +Enough food for a week! +But I’ll be darned if I know how the hellican? +% +There was once a great man in Japan +Whose name on Tuesday began, +It lasted through Sunday +Till twilight on Monday +And it sounded like stones in a can. +% +There was a young man so benighted +He never knew when he was slighted; +He would go to a party +And eat just as hearty, +As if he’d been really invited. +% +There was an old man from Sudan, +Whose limericks never would scan. +When told this was so, +He said, ‘yes, I know. +‘But I always try to get as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can.’ +% +A maiden at college, Miss Breeze, +Weighed down by B.A.s and Lit.D’s, +Collapsed from the strain, +Said her doctor, “It’s plain +You are killing yourself—by degrees!” +% +A canner, exceedingly canny, +One morning remarked to his granny, +“A canner can can +Anything that he can; +But a canner can’t can a can, can he?” +% +A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd +She was frightened—it must be allowed. +Soon a happy thought hit her— +To scare off the critter, +She sat up in bed and meowed. +% +There was a young woman named Kite, +Whose speed was much faster than light, +She set out one day, +In a relative way, +And returned on the previous night. +% +A flea and a fly in a flue, +Were imprisoned, so what could they do? +Said the fly, “Let us flee!” +“Let us fly,” said the flea, +And they flew through a flaw in the flue. +% +A major, with wonderful force, +Called out in Hyde Park for a horse. +All the flowers looked round, +But no horse could be found; +So he just rhododendron, of course. +% +A nifty young flapper named Jane +While walking was caught in the rain. +She ran–almost flew, +Her complexion did too, +And she reached home exceedingly plain. +% +“There’s a train at 4:04,” said Miss Jenny. +“Four tickets I’ll take; have you any?” +Said the man at the door, +“Not four for 4:04, +For four for 4:04 is too many.” +% +A canny young fisher named Fisher +Once fished from the edge of a fissure. +A fish with a grin +Pulled the fisherman in— +Now they’re fishing the fissure for Fisher. +% +Here’s to the chigger, +The bug that’s no bigger +Than the point of an undersized pin; +But the welt that he raises +Sure itches like blazes, +And that’s where the rub comes in! +% +A cheerful old bear at the Zoo +Could always find something to do. +When it bored him, you know, +To walk to and fro, +He reversed it and walked fro and to. +% +The bottle of perfume that Willie sent +Was highly displeasing to Millicent; +Her thanks were so cold +They quarreled, I’m told, +Through that silly scent Willie sent Millicent. +% +I bought a new Hoover today, +Plugged it in in the usual way, +Switched it on – what a din; +It sucked everything in, +Now I’m homeless with no place to stay. +% +A crossword compiler named Moss +Who found himself quite at a loss +When asked, ‘Why so blue?’ +Said, ‘I haven’t a clue +I’m 2 Down to put 1 Across.’ +% +I’m papering walls in the loo +And quite frankly I haven’t a clue; +For the pattern’s all wrong +(Or the paper’s too long) +And I’m stuck to the toilet with glue. +% +There once was an old man of Esser, +Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser, +It at last grew so small +He knew nothing at all +And now he’s a college professor. +% +To compose a sonata today, +Don’t proceed in the old-fashioned way: +With your toes on the keys, +Bang the floor with your knees: +“Oh how modern!” the critics will say. +% +There was a young lady named Perkins, +Who just simply doted on gherkins. +In spite of advice, +She ate so much spice, +That she pickled her internal workins’. +% +There was an old man of Nantucket +Who kept all his cash in a bucket; +But his daughter, named Nan +Ran away with a man — +And as far as the bucket, Nantucket. +% +There was a young lady of Kent, +Whose nose was most awfully bent. +She followed her nose +One day, I suppose — +And no one knows which way she went. +% +There was a young lady named Hannah, +Who slipped on a peel of banana. +As she lay on her side, +More stars she espied +Than there are in the Star-Spangled Banner. +% +There was a dear lady of Eden, +Who on apples was quite fond of feedin’; +She gave one to Adam, +Who said, “Thank you, Madam,” +And then both skedaddled from Eden. +% +A certain young fellow named Bee-Bee +Wished to wed a woman named Phoebe. +“But,” he said, “I must see +What the clerical fee +Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Bee-Bee +% +Remember when nearly sixteen +On your very first date as a teen +At the movies? If yes, +Then I bet you can’t guess +What was shown on the cinema screen. +% +There was an old person of Fratton +Who would go to church with his hat on. +‘If I wake up,’ he said, +‘With a hat on my head, +I will know that it hasn’t been sat on.’ +% +My neighbor came over to say +(Although not in a neighborly way) +That he’d knock me around +If I didn’t curb the sound +Of the classical music I play. +% +I told him, “Get out of my place +You’re an utter uncultured disgrace; +You’re a simpleton loon. +Don’t you know a good tune?” +Then he walloped me square in the face. +% +There was a young man from Dealing +Who caught the bus for Ealing. +It said on the door +‘Don’t spit on the floor’ +So he jumped up and spat on the ceiling +% +As 007 walked by +He heard a wee spider say, “Hi.” +But shaken, he shot +It right there on the spot +As it tried to explain, “I’m a spi …” +% +A tutor who tooted the flute +Tried to tutor two tooters to toot +Said the two to the tutor +“Is it tougher to toot or +To tutor two tooters to toot?” +% +No woodsman would cut a wood, would he +If woods would be woodless – nor should he. +Yet no woodcutter would +Cut a woody-wood wood +If no woodsmen cut woody woods, would he? +% +There once was a man from the sticks +Who loved to compose limericks +But he failed at his sport +They were always too short +Parade Daily +Celebrity interviews, recipes and health tips delivered to your inbox. +% +A poet whose friends called him Steve +Once showed quite a will to achieve +His skill grew so strong +That his poems grew long +And he sadly was forced to abbrev. +% +If you catch a chinchilla in Chile +And cut off its beard, willy-nilly +You can honestly say +That you have just made +A Chilean chinchilla’s chin chilly +% +There once was a man named Muvett +Who lived in the city of Lovett +But his car broke down +Two miles out of town +And Muvett had to shove it to Lovett! +% +There once was a beautiful nurse +Who carried an ugly old purse +But she tripped on the door +And fell on the floor +And they both went away in the hearse. +% +There was a young girl from Flynn +Who was so terribly thin +When she sipped lemonade +Through a straw in the shade +She slipped through the straw and fell in! +% +There once was a man from Gorem +Had a pair of tight pants and he wore ’em +When he bowed with a grin +A draft of air rushed in +And he knew by the sound that he tore ’em! +% +There once was a man from the city +Stooped to pat what he thought was a kitty +He gave it a pat +But it wasn’t a cat- +They buried his clothes – what a pity! +% +There once was a gal from Decatur +Who went to sing in a the-a-ter +But the poor little thing +When she started to sing +Got hit by a rotten termater! (tomato) +% +What happens when you retire? +You really don’t have to inquire – +No job and no phone +There’s no place but home, +And your checkbook’s about to expire! +% +At times I’m so mad that I’m hopping. +My angriness sets my veins popping. +I yell and I curse, +With swear words diverse, +But my wife does much worse: she goes shopping +% +One Saturday morning at three, +A cheese monger’s shop in Paree. +Collapsed to the ground, +With a thunderous sound, +Leaving only a pile of de brie. diff --git a/lulzbot.py b/lulzbot.py index 92b4196..f871bd3 100644 --- a/lulzbot.py +++ b/lulzbot.py @@ -23,10 +23,10 @@ import numpy as np from fortune import fortune from src.twitter import get_tweet from src.cartman import cartman_speak -from src.limericks import limerick -chuck_quotes = open('src/chuck_quotes').read().split('\n%\n') -ligma_list = open('src/ligma_list').read().split('\n') +chuck_quotes = open('data/chuck_quotes').read().split('\n%\n') +ligma_list = open('data/ligma_list').read().split('\n') +limericks = open('data/limericks').read().split('\n%\n') def show_menu(): return menu @@ -37,6 +37,9 @@ def musk(): def ligma(): return np.random.choice(ligma_list) +def limerick(): + return np.random.choice(limericks) + def prost(): return 'https://tenor.com/view/prost-christoph-waltz-django-bier-zum-wohle-gif-11041516' diff --git a/src/limericks.py b/src/limericks.py deleted file mode 100644 index 176a1a0..0000000 --- a/src/limericks.py +++ /dev/null @@ -1,479 +0,0 @@ -import numpy as np - -def limerick(): - limericks = [ - 'Limericks I cannot compose,\n\ - With noxious smells in my nose.\n\ - But this one was easy,\n\ - I only felt queasy,\n\ - Because I was sniffing my toes.', - \ - 'There was a young woman named Bright,\n\ - Whose speed was much faster than light.\n\ - She set out one day,\n\ - In a relative way,\n\ - And returned on the previous night.', - \ - 'There was an odd fellow named Gus,\n\ - When traveling he made such a fuss.\n\ - He was banned from the train,\n\ - Not allowed on a plane,\n\ - And now travels only by bus.', - \ - 'There once was a fly on the wall,\n\ - I wonder, why didn’t it fall?\n\ - Because its feet stuck? Or was it just luck?\n\ - Or does gravity miss things so small?', - \ - 'There once was a man from Tibet,\n\ - Who couldn’t find a cigarette\n\ - So he smoked all his socks,\n\ - and got chicken-pox,\n\ - and had to go to the vet.', - \ - 'There was a young woman named Bright,\n\ - Whose speed was much faster than light.\n\ - She set out one day,\n\ - In a relative way,\n\ - And returned on the previous night.', - \ - 'I need a front door for my hall,\n\ - The replacement I bought was too tall.\n\ - So I hacked it and chopped it,\n\ - And carefully lopped it,\n\ - And now the dumb thing is too small', - \ - 'There once was a boy named Dan,\n\ - who wanted to fry in a pan.\n\ - He tried and he tried,\n\ - and eventually died,\n\ - that weird little boy named Dan.', - \ - 'A newspaperman named Fling,\n\ - Could make “copy” from any old thing.\n\ - But the copy he wrote,\n\ - Of a five-dollar note,\n\ - Was so good he now wears so much bling.', - \ - 'I know an old owl named Boo,\n\ - Every night he yelled Hoo,\n\ - Once a kid walked by,\n\ - And started to cry,\n\ - And yelled I don’t have a clue!', - \ - 'I once fell in love with a blonde,\n\ - But found that she wasn’t so fond.\n\ - Of my pet turtle named Odle,\n\ - whom I’d taught how to Yodel,\n\ - So she dumped him outside in the pond.', - \ - 'I’d rather have Fingers than Toes,\n\ - I’d rather have Ears than a Nose.\n\ - And as for my Hair,\n\ - I’m glad it’s all there,\n\ - I’ll be awfully sad, when it goes.', - \ - 'There was a Young Lady whose chin\n\ - Resembled the point of a pin:\n\ - So she had it made sharp,\n\ - And purchased a harp,\n\ - And played several tunes with her chin. (Edward Lear)', - \ - 'Hickory Dickory dock,\n\ - the mouse ran up the clock;\n\ - the clock struck one\n\ - and down he run;\n\ - hickory Dickory dock. (Charles Perrault)', - \ - 'There was a faith-healer of Deal,\n\ - Who said: “Although pain isn’t real,\n\ - If I sit on a pin\n\ - And it punctures my skin,\n\ - I dislike what I fancy I feel.', - \ - 'My dog is really quite hip,\n\ - Except when he takes a cold dip.\n\ - He looks like a fool,\n\ - when he jumps in the pool,\n\ - and reminds me of a sinking ship.', - \ - 'A painter, who lived in Great Britain,\n\ - Interrupted two girls with their knitting,\n\ - He said, with a sigh,\n\ - That park bench–well I,\n\ - Just painted it, right where you’re sitting.', - \ - 'There is a young schoolboy named Mason,\n\ - Whose mom cuts his hair with a basin.\n\ - When he stands in one place,\n\ - With a scarf round his face,\n\ - It’s a mystery which way he’s facing.', - \ - 'There was a young schoolboy of Rye,\n\ - Who was baked by mistake in a pie.\n\ - To his mother’s disgust,\n\ - He emerged through the crust,\n\ - And exclaimed, with a yawn, Where am I?', - \ - 'An elderly man called Keith,\n\ - Mislaid his set of false teeth.\n\ - They’d been laid on a chair,\n\ - He’d forgot they were there,\n\ - Sat down, and was bitten beneath.', - \ - 'There was an old man of Peru,\n\ - Who dreamt he was eating his shoe.\n\ - He woke in the night,\n\ - With a terrible fright,\n\ - And found it was perfectly true.', - \ - 'The incredible Wizard of Oz,\n\ - Retired from his business becoz.\n\ - Due to up-to-date science,\n\ - To most of his clients,\n\ - He wasn’t the Wizard he woz.', - \ - 'Once I visited France,\n\ - And learned a new, awesome dance.\n\ - I twirled,\n\ - And I swirled,\n\ - And Is it me or the nature of money,\n\ - That’s odd and particularly funny.\n\ - But when I have dough,\n\ - It goes quickly, you know,\n\ - And seeps out of my pockets like honey.\n\ - I lost my pants.', - \ - 'Is it me or the nature of money,\n\ - That’s odd and particularly funny.\n\ - But when I have dough,\n\ - It goes quickly, you know,\n\ - And seeps out of my pockets like honey.', - \ - 'There once was a farmer from Leeds,\n\ - Who swallowed a packet of seeds.\n\ - It soon came to pass,\n\ - He was covered with grass,\n\ - But has all the tomatoes he needs.', - \ - 'A fellow jumped off a high wall,\n\ - And had a most terrible fall.\n\ - He went back to bed,\n\ - With a bump on his head,\n\ - That’s why you don’t jump off a wall.', - \ - 'A man and his lady-love, Min,\n\ - Skated out where the ice was quite thin.\n\ - Had a quarrel, no doubt,\n\ - For I hear they fell out,\n\ - What a blessing they didn’t fall in!', - \ - 'There was a young lady of Cork,\n\ - Whose Pa made a fortune in pork.\n\ - He bought for his daughter,\n\ - A tutor who taught her,\n\ - To balance green peas on her fork.', - \ - 'There once was a Martian called Zed\n\ - With antennae all over his head.\n\ - He sent out a lot\n\ - Di-di-dash-di-dot\n\ - But nobody knew what he said!', - \ - 'There once was a girl named Sam\n\ - Who did not eat roast beef and ham\n\ - She ate a green apple\n\ - Then drank some Snapple\n\ - Some say she eats like a lamb.', - \ - 'Said the man with a wink of his eye\n\ - ‘But I love you‘ and then the reply\n\ - From the girl, it was heard\n\ - ‘You are truly absurd!\n\ - I have only this moment walked by!’', - \ - 'A wonderful bird is the Pelican.\n\ - His beak can hold more than his belly can.\n\ - He can hold in his beak\n\ - Enough food for a week!\n\ - But I’ll be darned if I know how the hellican?', - \ - 'There was once a great man in Japan\n\ - Whose name on Tuesday began,\n\ - It lasted through Sunday\n\ - Till twilight on Monday\n\ - And it sounded like stones in a can.', - \ - 'There was a young man so benighted\n\ - He never knew when he was slighted;\n\ - He would go to a party\n\ - And eat just as hearty,\n\ - As if he’d been really invited.', - \ - 'There was an old man from Sudan,\n\ - Whose limericks never would scan.\n\ - When told this was so,\n\ - He said, ‘yes, I know.\n\ - ‘But I always try to get as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can.’', - \ - 'A maiden at college, Miss Breeze,\n\ - Weighed down by B.A.s and Lit.D’s,\n\ - Collapsed from the strain,\n\ - Said her doctor, “It’s plain\n\ - You are killing yourself—by degrees!”', - \ - 'A canner, exceedingly canny,\n\ - One morning remarked to his granny,\n\ - “A canner can can\n\ - Anything that he can;\n\ - But a canner can’t can a can, can he?”', - \ - 'A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd\n\ - She was frightened—it must be allowed.\n\ - Soon a happy thought hit her—\n\ - To scare off the critter,\n\ - She sat up in bed and meowed.', - \ - 'There was a young woman named Kite,\n\ - Whose speed was much faster than light,\n\ - She set out one day,\n\ - In a relative way,\n\ - And returned on the previous night.', - \ - 'A flea and a fly in a flue,\n\ - Were imprisoned, so what could they do?\n\ - Said the fly, “Let us flee!”\n\ - “Let us fly,” said the flea,\n\ - And they flew through a flaw in the flue.', - \ - 'A major, with wonderful force,\n\ - Called out in Hyde Park for a horse.\n\ - All the flowers looked round,\n\ - But no horse could be found;\n\ - So he just rhododendron, of course.', - \ - 'A nifty young flapper named Jane\n\ - While walking was caught in the rain.\n\ - She ran–almost flew,\n\ - Her complexion did too,\n\ - And she reached home exceedingly plain.', - \ - '“There’s a train at 4:04,” said Miss Jenny.\n\ - “Four tickets I’ll take; have you any?”\n\ - Said the man at the door,\n\ - “Not four for 4:04,\n\ - For four for 4:04 is too many.”', - \ - 'A canny young fisher named Fisher\n\ - Once fished from the edge of a fissure.\n\ - A fish with a grin\n\ - Pulled the fisherman in—\n\ - Now they’re fishing the fissure for Fisher.', - \ - 'Here’s to the chigger,\n\ - The bug that’s no bigger\n\ - Than the point of an undersized pin;\n\ - But the welt that he raises\n\ - Sure itches like blazes,\n\ - And that’s where the rub comes in!', - \ - 'A cheerful old bear at the Zoo\n\ - Could always find something to do.\n\ - When it bored him, you know,\n\ - To walk to and fro,\n\ - He reversed it and walked fro and to.', - \ - 'The bottle of perfume that Willie sent\n\ - Was highly displeasing to Millicent;\n\ - Her thanks were so cold\n\ - They quarreled, I’m told,\n\ - Through that silly scent Willie sent Millicent.', - \ - 'I bought a new Hoover today,\n\ - Plugged it in in the usual way,\n\ - Switched it on – what a din;\n\ - It sucked everything in,\n\ - Now I’m homeless with no place to stay.', - \ - 'A crossword compiler named Moss\n\ - Who found himself quite at a loss\n\ - When asked, ‘Why so blue?’\n\ - Said, ‘I haven’t a clue\n\ - I’m 2 Down to put 1 Across.’', - \ - 'I’m papering walls in the loo\n\ - And quite frankly I haven’t a clue;\n\ - For the pattern’s all wrong\n\ - (Or the paper’s too long)\n\ - And I’m stuck to the toilet with glue.', - \ - 'There once was an old man of Esser,\n\ - Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,\n\ - It at last grew so small\n\ - He knew nothing at all\n\ - And now he’s a college professor.', - \ - 'To compose a sonata today,\n\ - Don’t proceed in the old-fashioned way:\n\ - With your toes on the keys,\n\ - Bang the floor with your knees:\n\ - “Oh how modern!” the critics will say.', - \ - 'There was a young lady named Perkins,\n\ - Who just simply doted on gherkins.\n\ - In spite of advice,\n\ - She ate so much spice,\n\ - That she pickled her internal workins’.', - \ - 'There was an old man of Nantucket\n\ - Who kept all his cash in a bucket;\n\ - But his daughter, named Nan\n\ - Ran away with a man —\n\ - And as far as the bucket, Nantucket.', - \ - 'There was a young lady of Kent,\n\ - Whose nose was most awfully bent.\n\ - She followed her nose\n\ - One day, I suppose —\n\ - And no one knows which way she went.', - \ - 'There was a young lady named Hannah,\n\ - Who slipped on a peel of banana.\n\ - As she lay on her side,\n\ - More stars she espied\n\ - Than there are in the Star-Spangled Banner.', - \ - 'There was a dear lady of Eden,\n\ - Who on apples was quite fond of feedin’;\n\ - She gave one to Adam,\n\ - Who said, “Thank you, Madam,”\n\ - And then both skedaddled from Eden.', - \ - 'A certain young fellow named Bee-Bee\n\ - Wished to wed a woman named Phoebe.\n\ - “But,” he said, “I must see\n\ - What the clerical fee\n\ - Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Bee-Bee', - \ - 'Remember when nearly sixteen\n\ - On your very first date as a teen\n\ - At the movies? If yes,\n\ - Then I bet you can’t guess\n\ - What was shown on the cinema screen.', - \ - 'There was an old person of Fratton\n\ - Who would go to church with his hat on.\n\ - ‘If I wake up,’ he said,\n\ - ‘With a hat on my head,\n\ - I will know that it hasn’t been sat on.’', - \ - 'My neighbor came over to say\n\ - (Although not in a neighborly way)\n\ - That he’d knock me around\n\ - If I didn’t curb the sound\n\ - Of the classical music I play.', - \ - 'I told him, “Get out of my place\n\ - You’re an utter uncultured disgrace;\n\ - You’re a simpleton loon.\n\ - Don’t you know a good tune?”\n\ - Then he walloped me square in the face.', - \ - 'There was a young man from Dealing\n\ - Who caught the bus for Ealing.\n\ - It said on the door\n\ - ‘Don’t spit on the floor’\n\ - So he jumped up and spat on the ceiling', - \ - 'As 007 walked by\n\ - He heard a wee spider say, “Hi.”\n\ - But shaken, he shot\n\ - It right there on the spot\n\ - As it tried to explain, “I’m a spi …”', - \ - 'A tutor who tooted the flute\n\ - Tried to tutor two tooters to toot\n\ - Said the two to the tutor\n\ - “Is it tougher to toot or\n\ - To tutor two tooters to toot?”', - \ - 'No woodsman would cut a wood, would he\n\ - If woods would be woodless – nor should he.\n\ - Yet no woodcutter would\n\ - Cut a woody-wood wood\n\ - If no woodsmen cut woody woods, would he?', - \ - 'There once was a man from the sticks\n\ - Who loved to compose limericks\n\ - But he failed at his sport\n\ - They were always too short\n\ - Parade Daily\n\ - Celebrity interviews, recipes and health tips delivered to your inbox.', - \ - 'A poet whose friends called him Steve\n\ - Once showed quite a will to achieve\n\ - His skill grew so strong\n\ - That his poems grew long\n\ - And he sadly was forced to abbrev.', - \ - 'If you catch a chinchilla in Chile\n\ - And cut off its beard, willy-nilly\n\ - You can honestly say\n\ - That you have just made\n\ - A Chilean chinchilla’s chin chilly', - \ - 'There once was a man named Muvett\n\ - Who lived in the city of Lovett\n\ - But his car broke down\n\ - Two miles out of town\n\ - And Muvett had to shove it to Lovett!', - \ - 'There once was a beautiful nurse\n\ - Who carried an ugly old purse\n\ - But she tripped on the door\n\ - And fell on the floor\n\ - And they both went away in the hearse.', - \ - 'There was a young girl from Flynn\n\ - Who was so terribly thin\n\ - When she sipped lemonade\n\ - Through a straw in the shade\n\ - She slipped through the straw and fell in!', - \ - 'There once was a man from Gorem\n\ - Had a pair of tight pants and he wore ’em\n\ - When he bowed with a grin\n\ - A draft of air rushed in\n\ - And he knew by the sound that he tore ’em!', - \ - 'There once was a man from the city\n\ - Stooped to pat what he thought was a kitty\n\ - He gave it a pat\n\ - But it wasn’t a cat-\n\ - They buried his clothes – what a pity!', - \ - 'There once was a gal from Decatur\n\ - Who went to sing in a the-a-ter\n\ - But the poor little thing\n\ - When she started to sing\n\ - Got hit by a rotten termater! (tomato)', - \ - 'What happens when you retire?\n\ - You really don’t have to inquire –\n\ - No job and no phone\n\ - There’s no place but home,\n\ - And your checkbook’s about to expire!', - \ - 'At times I’m so mad that I’m hopping.\n\ - My angriness sets my veins popping.\n\ - I yell and I curse,\n\ - With swear words diverse,\n\ - But my wife does much worse: she goes shopping', - \ - 'One Saturday morning at three,\n\ - A cheese monger’s shop in Paree.\n\ - Collapsed to the ground,\n\ - With a thunderous sound,\n\ - Leaving only a pile of de brie.' - ] - return np.random.choice(limericks)