| 1 | Season | Episode | Character | Line |
|---|
| 2 | 10 | 1 | Stan | You guys, you guys! Chef is going away.
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| 3 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Going away? For how long?
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| 4 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Forever.
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| 5 | 10 | 1 | Chef | I'm sorry boys.
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| 6 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Chef said he's been bored, so he joining a group called the Super Adventure Club.
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| 7 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Wow!
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| 8 | 10 | 1 | Mrs. Garrison | Chef?? What kind of questions do you think adventuring around the world is gonna answer?!
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| 9 | 10 | 1 | Chef | What's the meaning of life? Why are we here?
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| 10 | 10 | 1 | Mrs. Garrison | I hope you're making the right choice.
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| 11 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | I'm gonna miss him. I'm gonna miss Chef and I...and I don't know how to tell him!
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| 12 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Dude, how are we gonna go on? Chef was our fuh...f-ffriend.
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| 13 | 10 | 1 | Mayor McDaniels | And we will all miss you, Chef, but we know you must do what your heart tells you..
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| 14 | 10 | 1 | Jimbo | Bye-bye!
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| 15 | 10 | 1 | Gerald | Good-bye!
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| 16 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Mackey | So long!
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| 17 | 10 | 1 | A Man | So long, Chef!
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| 18 | 10 | 1 | A Sign-Holder | Good-bye, Chef!
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| 19 | 10 | 1 | Randy | Good-bye, Chef! Have a great time with the Super Adventure Club!
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| 20 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Good-bye! ..
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| 21 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Draw two card, fatass.
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| 22 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | Reverse to you, Jew.
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| 23 | 10 | 1 | Stan | I'll get it.
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| 24 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Hello there, children!
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| 25 | 10 | 1 | Stan | He's back!
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| 26 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Yeah!
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| 27 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | All right!
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| 28 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Chef! I can't believe you're back!
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| 29 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Well, it's true.
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| 30 | 10 | 1 | Stan | But are you back for good?
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| 31 | 10 | 1 | Chef | That's right.
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| 32 | 10 | 1 | Mrs. Garrison | Hey everybody! Chef's back!
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| 33 | 10 | 1 | Patrons | What? All right! Yeah!
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| 34 | 10 | 1 | Randy | Oh, finally!
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| 35 | 10 | 1 | Gerald | Wow! It seems like you had a great time with the Super Adventure Club, Chef. They sound like really interesting people.
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| 36 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Yeah!
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| 37 | 10 | 1 | Mrs. Garrison | But now that you're back here, does that mean that you're not in the Super Adventure Club anymore?
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| 38 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Nnono!
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| 39 | 10 | 1 | Randy | Ohhh, so have you decided you can still belong to the Super Adventure Club but live here in South Park again?
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| 40 | 10 | 1 | Chef | That's right.
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| 41 | 10 | 1 | Randy | Well, it seems like the Super Adventure Club was just what you needed, Chef. You must be feeling very happy that you found a club to belong to with new friends, but that you can also live here in South Park with all your old friends whom you care for deeply. Right?
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| 42 | 10 | 1 | Chef | That's right. Randy!
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| 43 | 10 | 1 | Jimbo | Well Chef, you're welcome to stay with me until you buy another house.
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| 44 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Thank you. Jimbo.
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| 45 | 10 | 1 | Randy | Well, come on everybody. I'm sure Chef would like a little time to get moved back in.
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| 46 | 10 | 1 | Chef | That's right! Thank you. Good-bye- Everybody.
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| 47 | 10 | 1 | Townsfolk | Later. Great to have you back. Bye-bye. See ya Chef. See you later. Bye-bye
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| 48 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Well, I- guess we'll see you in school tomorrow, Chef.
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| 49 | 10 | 1 | Chef | You bet! Good-bye. Children!
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| 50 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Right. Uh, see ya.
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| 51 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | Uh, guys? Did Chef seem a little, uh, trippy to you?
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| 52 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Well, look. he said he's happier now. Maybe he just needs to rest up a little.
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| 53 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Yeah. I'm sure whatever that Super Adventure Club does is pretty tiring.
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| 54 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Yeah, but whatever, I'm just glad he's back for good.
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| 55 | 10 | 1 | Kenny | (Yeah, me too.)
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| 56 | 10 | 1 | A Boy | It's really weird what he said. I don't know, it kind of confused me.
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| 57 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | Oh boy oh boy, I can't wait to have Chef's lunch food again.
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| 58 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Yeah. I hope he makes his Salisbury steak with buttered noodles!
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| 59 | 10 | 1 | Clyde | You guys, you guys.
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| 60 | 10 | 1 | Stan | What?
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| 61 | 10 | 1 | Clyde | Something's wrong with Chef. He's saying some really weird stuff.
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| 62 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Like what?
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| 63 | 10 | 1 | Clyde | I think... I think he wants to have sex with me.
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| 64 | 10 | 1 | Stan | What??
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| 65 | 10 | 1 | Clyde | I gotta- I gotta go.
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| 66 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Weirdo.
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| 67 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Hello there, children!
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| 68 | 10 | 1 | The Boys | Hey Chef.
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| 69 | 10 | 1 | Chef | How's it goin'?
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| 70 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Good.
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| 71 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Well, how about I meet you boys after work and we make love?
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| 72 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | Excuse me?
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| 73 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Come on, children! You're my sexual fantasy. Let's all make sweet love.
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| 74 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | ...Chef?? A-are you okay?
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| 75 | 10 | 1 | Chef | I want to stick my balls inside your rectum, Kyle.
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| 76 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Dude, what are you saying??
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| 77 | 10 | 1 | Chef | I'm gonna make love to your asshole, children.
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| 78 | 10 | 1 | Stan | ...WHAT??
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| 79 | 10 | 1 | Det. Jarvis | Hi kids, I'm Detective Jarvis. I need to ask you all some difficult questions about your school cafeteria chef.
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| 80 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | This doesn't make any sense!
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| 81 | 10 | 1 | Det. Jarvis | We have some information that all this time Chef has been and still is a pedophile.
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| 82 | 10 | 1 | Stan | No, he's not.
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| 83 | 10 | 1 | Det. Jarvis | Uh huh.
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| 84 | 10 | 1 | Stan | No, he's not.
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| 85 | 10 | 1 | Det. Jarvis | Yeah, yeah he is so.
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| 86 | 10 | 1 | Butters | What's a pedophile?
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| 87 | 10 | 1 | Det. Jarvis | Now, we need some testimony in order to arrest Chef, so I'm gonna use this doll to ask you kids a few questions. Did Chef ever touch any of you... here?
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| 88 | 10 | 1 | Stan | NO!
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| 89 | 10 | 1 | Det. Jarvis | Okay, did he touch you here?
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| 90 | 10 | 1 | The Class | NO!
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| 91 | 10 | 1 | Det. Jarvis | Did he ever do this? How about this?
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| 92 | 10 | 1 | Butters | My Uncle Bud did that to me once!
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| 93 | 10 | 1 | Det. Jarvis | Did Chef ever try one of these on for size?
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| 94 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Goddammit, Chef isn't like that! Something funny is going on around here!
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| 95 | 10 | 1 | Det. Jarvis | Young man, will you PLEASE pay attention! This is very important stuff! Ohhh. Ohhhhhh.
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| 96 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Hello there, children!
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| 97 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Chef, the police are asking questions about you!
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| 98 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Oh really? Well, let's all go home and make love.
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| 99 | 10 | 1 | Stan | No, Chef, we don't wanna make love to you!
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| 100 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Kenny, how would you like to sodomize my black ass
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| 101 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Chef, CHEF! You need to get out of here before you get arrested, all right?!
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| 102 | 10 | 1 | Chef | I specializes in your asshole, Kyle.
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| 103 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | ...Man, I can't believe all this time, Chef just wanted us for sex.
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| 104 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | He didn't want us for sex, fatass! Something is making him say those things.
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| 105 | 10 | 1 | Kenny | (Like what?)
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| 106 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Something must have happened to Chef while he was gone. Maybe he hit his head or, or got stuck in some quantum time vortex.
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| 107 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Well look: he spent the last three months with that adventurers' club. Maybe they know what happened to him.
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| 108 | 10 | 1 | Kenny | (Yeah! I think...)
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| 109 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | Yeah!
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| 110 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | All right, come on guys!
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| 111 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | Hey you guys, you know what they call a Jewish woman's boobs? Jewbs.
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| 112 | 10 | 1 | Butler | May I help you.
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| 113 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Ahh, hi, can we speak to the head guy or something?
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| 114 | 10 | 1 | Butler | Right this way.
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| 115 | 10 | 1 | Head Adventurer | Now, the upper rim of Kilimanjaro should be quite a trek, and so we'll need to have a-
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| 116 | 10 | 1 | Butler | Excuse me, sir. These boys wanted to speak with you.
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| 117 | 10 | 1 | Head Adventurer | Ahh yes, splendid! Good afternoon, lads! I'm Head Adventurer William P. Connolly, Esquire! Welcome, to the Super Adventure Club!
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| 118 | 10 | 1 | Club Members | Tally ho!
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| 119 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Indeed!
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| 120 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Uh, hi. Our friend joined your club a while back, and now he wants to molest kids.
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| 121 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | What? Well... well yes, of course! That's what the Super Adventure Club does!
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| 122 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | ...Huh?
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| 123 | 10 | 1 | Marksman | We travel the world and have sex with children!
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| 124 | 10 | 1 | Marine | Yes, what else would we do?
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| 125 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Well, we thought you went exploring and like, hunting and stuff!
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| 126 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Noo, no, that's the Adventure Club. We're the Super Adventure Club! Next week, we'll be heading to the outer banks of the Amazon, where we will make camp and have sex with children of the Ugani tribe, then it's off to the mighty Himalayas, where we will climb K-2, and molest several Tibetan children on the east summit.
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| 127 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | ...Dude!
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| 128 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | I know, but it gets even better! From there we will kayak to the fruitful banks of the Mele River in Africa, where the secret and mysterious Hanimi people have children who have never seen a white man's erect penis. Of course, we're always looking for kids to have sex with on the plane rides over to these places, so how would you ALL like to join the Super Adventure Club!
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| 129 | 10 | 1 | Stan | NO!!
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| 130 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | No? Oh really? Perhaps I should ask you again? How would you like to join the Super Adventure Club?
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| 131 | 10 | 1 | Stan | No!
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| 132 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Dude, what are you doing?!
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| 133 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Oh well, it doesn't work on everybody. Well, so long then.
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| 134 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Just what the hell is that thing?!
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| 135 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | What? What thing? I don't see anything.
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| 136 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | HA! I knew it!
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| 137 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Knew what?
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| 138 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | The reason Chef has been saying those terrible things about us is because he's been brainwashed! By this- fruity little club!
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| 139 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | Oh, son of a bitch!
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| 140 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Come on, children. Let's all go home and make love.
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| 141 | 10 | 1 | Stan | You need to see a psychiatrist, Chef. It's for your own good.
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| 142 | 10 | 1 | Chef | I just like to make love up your butt.
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| 143 | 10 | 1 | Woman | Oh my God!
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| 144 | 10 | 1 | Nurse | Mr. Chef, is it?
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| 145 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | All right, come on.
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| 146 | 10 | 1 | Dr. Neeland | Hello, I'm Dr. Neeland. What can I do for you today?
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| 147 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Hi, uh- our friend has been brainwashed by some fruity little club.
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| 148 | 10 | 1 | Dr. Neeland | Brainwashed.
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| 149 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Yeah, he joined the Super Adventure Club, and they convinced him having sex with children was okay with a little thing that goes whrrrrrr.
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| 150 | 10 | 1 | Dr. Neeland | I thought that club was for hiking and kayaking.
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| 151 | 10 | 1 | Stan | No, that's the Adventure Club. The Super Adventure Club has sex with children.
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| 152 | 10 | 1 | Dr. Neeland | Oh. ...Oh, that's right, yeah.
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| 153 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Doctor, do you have- children?
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| 154 | 10 | 1 | Dr. Neeland | Why, yes, I have two young boys.
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| 155 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Have you all been sodomizing your children too?
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| 156 | 10 | 1 | Dr. Neeland | You say he's never been like this before?
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| 157 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | No, Chef has always been super-cool.
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| 158 | 10 | 1 | Chef | I'm gonna make love to the children.
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| 159 | 10 | 1 | Dr. Neeland | He's pretty brainwashed all right. Worst case I've ever seen.
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| 160 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | So what can we do??
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| 161 | 10 | 1 | Dr. Neeland | I'm afraid there's no simple answer. When somebody's brainwashed it can take months, even years, to reverse the process.
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| 162 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | But we don't have years! If Chef keeps this up, he's gonna go to jail forever!
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| 163 | 10 | 1 | Dr. Neeland | Tell me, what was Chef's favorite thing to do before it was having sex with children?
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| 164 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Having sex with women.
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| 165 | 10 | 1 | Dr. Neeland | Then that's it. We'd better get your friend to the Peppermint Hippo right away.
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| 166 | 10 | 1 | DJ | All right guys, be sure to tip the waitresses; this is two for one; put your hands together, this is Monique!
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| 167 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Aw, come on, children. Let's go home.
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| 168 | 10 | 1 | Stan | This isn't working.
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| 169 | 10 | 1 | Dr. Neeland | Well let's... give it some more time, kids.
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| 170 | 10 | 1 | Stripper | Would you like to daaance???
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| 171 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | No thanks. We're trying to unbrainwash our friend.
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| 172 | 10 | 1 | Stripper | Daaance??? Anybody wanna daaance???
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| 173 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | Come on, bitch! Dance!
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| 174 | 10 | 1 | Blonde | Up yours, fatty.
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| 175 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | Bitch, I'll twist your nuts off!
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| 176 | 10 | 1 | DJ | All right guys, help me feel it out to them; we got a featured dancer coming out next; put your hands together for... Spontaneous Bootay!
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| 177 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Come on guys, we might as well go.
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| 178 | 10 | 1 | Chef | God-damn!
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| 179 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Chef, we're leaving.
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| 180 | 10 | 1 | Dr. Neeland | Nono, wait. Let him go.
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| 181 | 10 | 1 | Spontaneous Bootay | Come here, chubby.
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| 182 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Wait a minute.
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| 183 | 10 | 1 | Stan | He's remembering.
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| 184 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Children! What have I done?
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| 185 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | It's okay Chef. Go on, remember!
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| 186 | 10 | 1 | Chef | I'm goinna- I'm gonna-
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| 187 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Come on, Chef! You can do it!
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| 188 | 10 | 1 | Chef | I'm gonna make love to you woman, 'gonna lay you down by the fire!
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| 189 | 10 | 1 | The Boys | Yay!
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| 190 | 10 | 1 | Kenny | (Chef!)
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| 191 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Hey children, everybody! I'm back! Ow.
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| 192 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Great shot, William! Hit him with another.
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| 193 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Oh!
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| 194 | 10 | 1 | The Boys | Chef!
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| 195 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Tally ho, lads! I must say you're starting to become quite a thorn in my balls.
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| 196 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Where's Chef?! What have you done with him?!
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| 197 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | He's safe. He's fasting in the Deprivation Room and being read the Super Adventure Club manual. We've got to undo the damage you've done.
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| 198 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | Look: If you wanna go around the world molesting kids, that's totally fine. But why do you need Chef?!
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| 199 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | We don't need him, he needs us! Our club offers hope. Do you think we go around the world molesting children just because it feels really really really really good?! No! Our club has a message! And a secret that explains the mysteries of life!
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| 200 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Oh Jesus, here we go.
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| 201 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Very well. I'm now going to tell you the secret of the Super Adventure Club.
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| 202 | 10 | 1 | Stan | We don't wanna hear it.
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| 203 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | You see, the Super Adventure Club was founded by the greatest explorer of all time, William P. Phinehas! Phinehas climbed the highest peaks, tamed the mightiest rivers, but every time he got somewhere, he realized that other explorers had beat him to it. Phinehas was depressed, until he realized that if he couldn't be the first to discover places, he could be the first to have sex with the native children that inhabited those areas! Phinehas quickly went down in history books as the first man to have sex with the Aborigine children at Uluru, and the first explorer to bugger all the underage mountainfolk of Nepal. But now the most wonderful part. You see, after having sex with all those children, Phinehas realized that... molesting all those kids... had made him immortal.
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| 204 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Immortal.
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| 205 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | He discovered that children have things called marlocks in their bodies. And when an adult has sex with a child, the marlocks implode, feeding the adult receptive cavity with energy that causes immortality, so saith the ruler of Bethos. Phinehas traveled the world, loving many, many children, and he lived for eternity. Until he was hit by a train in 1892.
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| 206 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | ...Do you realize how retarded that sounds?
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| 207 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Is it any more retarded than the idea of God sending his son to die for our sins? Is it any more retarded than Buddha sitting beneath a tree for twenty years?
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| 208 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Yeah, it's way, way more retarded.
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| 209 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Well, now that you know our club secrets, it appears you ... leave us no choice. I'm afraid we're going to have to... ask you to leave.
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| 210 | 10 | 1 | Stan | We're not leaving without Chef.
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| 211 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | If you choose not to leave, then I'm afraid we're just going to have to ... call security and make you leave. You'll be let out by security and it will be super-embarrassing and everyone here will see! Okay, you know how like, when you want people to leave but they won't leave, it's really frustrating?
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| 212 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | We're not going anywhere without Chef.
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| 213 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Cool people leave before they've overstayed their welcome. You petulant fools! You just had to push it, didn't you? You don't realize who you're dealing with here. Security! Take these boys to the door.
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| 214 | 10 | 1 | Guard 1 | All right, come on kids.
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| 215 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | No! Hey!
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| 216 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Haha! Look they're being led out by security! Haha!
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| 217 | 10 | 1 | Stan | No, you don't understand! They've got our friend in the Deprivation Room!
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| 218 | 10 | 1 | Guard 2 | This is their house and they don't want you here.
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| 219 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Sorry, dude, but this fruity little club isn't taking our friend!
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| 220 | 10 | 1 | William | And sex with Eskimo children requires some special skills.
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| 221 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Chef, come on!
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| 222 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Children!
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| 223 | 10 | 1 | William | Get out of here!
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| 224 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | Kenny! Spin Blossom Nut Squash!
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| 225 | 10 | 1 | Kenny | (Yeeeeehah!)
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| 226 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Come on, Chef!
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| 227 | 10 | 1 | Chef | I can't... break these locks.
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| 228 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Here!
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| 229 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | Run Chef!
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| 230 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | What the-? Impossible! I made them leave!
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| 231 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Get outside!
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| 232 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Stop them!
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| 233 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Children! Run!
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| 234 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Stop!
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| 235 | 10 | 1 | Stan | We made it!
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| 236 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Don't you remember why you left South Park in the first place??
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| 237 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Chef, come on!
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| 238 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | You sought adventure! And why do people seek adventure? Because their lives have become dull and empty!
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| 239 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | Yeah, he wanted adventure! Not a bunch of ridiculous bullcrap! Right Chef? Chef?
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| 240 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Don't forget all your training, Chef! Stay with us and your life will be GRAND and ETERNAL!
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| 241 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Chef, we love you.
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| 242 | 10 | 1 | Chef | I'm sorry children.
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| 243 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | No! Chef, they've filled your head with lies! Can't you see that??
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| 244 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Get the hell out of here, children!!
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| 245 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Yesss. Looks like our fruity little club is safe after all. NO!
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| 246 | 10 | 1 | The Boys | Chef!
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| 247 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Ack. Ow! Oh! Ah! Oh! Dammit! Ah- Awww!
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| 248 | 10 | 1 | Stan | NO!
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| 249 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | A mountain lion!
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| 250 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | We can't lose another member! Shoot it!
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| 251 | 10 | 1 | Chef | Ah!
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| 252 | 10 | 1 | Marksman | All right, this!
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| 253 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | CHEF!
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| 254 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | A grizzly bear!
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| 255 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Oh my God... They killed Chef.
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| 256 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | You bastards. YOU BASTARDS!
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| 257 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Pity. He would have made an excellent child molester.
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| 258 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | Maybe- maybe he's still okay. No, really. They say the last thing you do before you die is crap your-
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| 259 | 10 | 1 | Chef | POOOT!
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| 260 | 10 | 1 | Cartman | Oh never mind.
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| 261 | 10 | 1 | Stan | Come on, let's go.
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| 262 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | We're all here today because Chef has been such an important part of our lives. A lot of us don't agree with the choices Chef has made in the past few days. Some of us... feel hurt... and confused that he seemed to turn his back on us. But we can't let the events of the last week take away the memories of how much Chef made us smile. I'm gonna remember Chef as the jolly old guy who always broke into song. I'm gonna remember Chef... as the guy who gave us advice to live by. So you see, we shouldn't be mad at Chef for leaving us. We should be mad at that little fruity club for scrambling his brains.
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| 263 | 10 | 1 | Randy | Yeah.
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| 264 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Mackey | He's right.
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| 265 | 10 | 1 | Kyle | And in the end, I know that somewhere out there... there's the good part of Chef... that's still alive in us all.
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| 266 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Is it working? Is it working?
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| 267 | 10 | 1 | Tech | Yes. We've got a pulse!
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| 268 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Get him in the ICU suit! Hurry! We have done it! Good! Raise him up! Chef, can you hear me? Say something.
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| 269 | 10 | 1 | Darth Chef | Hello there, children. How would you like some Salisbury steak?
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| 270 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Yes, go on.
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| 271 | 10 | 1 | Darth Chef | And for desert, how would you children like to suck on my chocolate salty balls?
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| 272 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Oh? You mean like a chocolate candy?
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| 273 | 10 | 1 | Darth Chef | No, I mean my balls.
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| 274 | 10 | 1 | Mr. Connolly | Yes, YES! Hahahahahahaaa!
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| 275 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Hey there, Richard!
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| 276 | 10 | 2 | Richard | Oh, hey Gerald. New car?
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| 277 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Yeah. It's a hybrid. I just... I just couldn't sit back and- be a part of destroying the earth anymore.
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| 278 | 10 | 2 | Richard | Well... Good for you.
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| 279 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Oho... Thanks.
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| 280 | 10 | 2 | Stephen | Well, there goes the new high-and-mighty Gerald Broflovski.
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| 281 | 10 | 2 | Mrs. Garrison | Yeah, ever since he got that new hybrid he thinks he's better than everyone else.
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| 282 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | You know, the emissions from a vehicle like yours causes irreparable damage to the ozone. I drive a hybrid; it's much better for the environment. Thanks.
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| 283 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | Dad, can we go home? All you ever do since you got this car is drive around and show it off!
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| 284 | 10 | 2 | Driver | Hey, is that a hybrid?
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| 285 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Oh yes. You've got one too, I see.
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| 286 | 10 | 2 | Driver | Yeah, I like to be a part of the solution and not part of the problem. Well, anyway, good for you!
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| 287 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Thanks.
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| 288 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | Dad, I think Ike is starving to death.
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| 289 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Hold on, boys. We still have to go to the hardware store, and hand out awareness citations to SUV cars in the parking lot.
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| 290 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | What?!
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| 291 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Okay, there's another one. Aw, man! Look at that! Can you believe this?! An SUV with a V8 engine, makes me sick! "Ticket for driving a gas-guzzler"
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| 292 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | Dad, can we go home, please?
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| 293 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Look, there's a Jeep over there! Go write them a ticket, Kyle!
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| 294 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | But Dad, I want-
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| 295 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | NOW, KYLE!
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| 296 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Oh hey Kyle.
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| 297 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | Aw, hey dude. What are you doing here?
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| 298 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Helping my Dad pick out some cool new power tools. What are you doing?
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| 299 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | Helping my Dad give people fake tickets.
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| 300 | 10 | 2 | Randy | What's this?
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| 301 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Oh! Sorry Randy. Looks like you got a ticket.
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| 302 | 10 | 2 | Randy | A ticket? "Failure to care about the environment" Oh Goddammit, did you do this, Gerald?!
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| 303 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Yeah. I'm just, you know, trying to make people more aware ya' know, it's a-
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| 304 | 10 | 2 | Randy | You got some nerve, you know that?! Where do you come off ticketing people?!
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| 305 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Well, Randy, calm down. It's not a real ticket.
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| 306 | 10 | 2 | Randy | I know it's not a real ticket!!
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| 307 | 10 | 2 | Jimbo | Broflovski, did you put this crap on my windshield?!
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| 308 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Jimbo, your truck probably gets less than ten miles to the gallon.
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| 309 | 10 | 2 | Jimbo | Well thanks, Officer Dickhole!
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| 310 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | Dad, let's just go!
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| 311 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Look, I'm just trying to make the people of South Park aware of a very serious problem.
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| 312 | 10 | 2 | Randy | The problem, Gerald, is that ever since you got a hybrid car, you've gotten so smug that you love the smell of your own farts!
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| 313 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't think it was "high and mighty" to care about the earth!
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| 314 | 10 | 2 | Randy | And that too! Stop talking with your eyes closed! That's what smug people do!
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| 315 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Well, I really don't see how that has anything to do with the-
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| 316 | 10 | 2 | Randy | There, like that! Stop that!
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| 317 | 10 | 2 | Darryl | Who the hell put this faggy fake ticket on my truck!
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| 318 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | All right, that does it! Come on, Kyle, I don't want you hanging around with these ignorant idiots!
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| 319 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Yeah. Yeah, I think it's best we just do it right away.
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| 320 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | Dad. Dad, Ike and I have been talking, and well, we feel that your new car is changing you.
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| 321 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Yes, it certainly is.
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| 322 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | We're thinking that a lot of people in town starting too...
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| 323 | 10 | 2 | Ike | Take offense.
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| 324 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | ...a-are starting to take offense at your actions. We feel like you're starting to become-hmm...
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| 325 | 10 | 2 | Ike | Alienated.
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| 326 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | ...star-starting to become alienated from some of your friends.
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| 327 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Well, I totally agree, Kyle.
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| 328 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | You do??
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| 329 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Yes. A lot of people in town just aren't ready to drive hybrid cars.
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| 330 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | Righ! Okay, good.
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| 331 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | And that's why, I've talked it over with your mother, and ...we've decided to MOVE!
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| 332 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | What??
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| 333 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | We need to be where everyone is motivated and progressive like us! Start getting your things packed, boys! The Broflovksi family is moving to San Francisco!
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| 334 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Yeah?
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| 335 | 10 | 2 | Butters | Uh hay, Stan. Uh you should come on over. Uh they're havin' a goin'-away party for Kyle.
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| 336 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Going away party? What do you mean?
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| 337 | 10 | 2 | Butters | Well don't you know? Kyle's movin' away.
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| 338 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Moving away?? Kyle can't move away!
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| 339 | 10 | 2 | Butters | Well he is.
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| 340 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Where's the going-away party?
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| 341 | 10 | 2 | Butters | At Cartman's house.
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| 342 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | Hey everybody! There's more pop in the refrigerator. Let's make this the best going-away party EVER!
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| 343 | 10 | 2 | Token | Hey Eric, where's Kyle?
|
| 344 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | Who?
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| 345 | 10 | 2 | Clyde | Kyle, the person leaving.
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| 346 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | Kyle? Why would I invite Kyle?
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| 347 | 10 | 2 | Craig | Dude, a going-away party is supposed to be for the person who is going away!
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| 348 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Kyle? Kyle!
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| 349 | 10 | 2 | Clyde | Kyle's not here. Cartman didn't invite him.
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| 350 | 10 | 2 | Stan | What?!
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| 351 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | You guys, this is our party. That no-good back-stabbing Jew rat is finally leaving! Come on, everyone! Let's sing! 'Nanana na! Nanana na! Hey hey hey! Goodbye Kyle!
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| 352 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Kyle! Du-what is going on?!
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| 353 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | My Dad says he can't live here anymore.
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| 354 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Mr. Broflovski, please. Kyle's my best friend.
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| 355 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | I'm sorry, Stan, but unfortunately you live in a small-minded town filled with ignorant boobs.
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| 356 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Well... Maybe they'll change.
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| 357 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | I wouldn't count on it. Come on, boys, get in the car!
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| 358 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Nooo!
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| 359 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Maybe you can make a difference, Stan. Maybe you can get everyone to drive hybrid cars. Until that day, we're just gonna have to be with our own kind.
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| 360 | 10 | 2 | Stan | I will. I will get everyone to drive hybrid cars! I swear it!
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| 361 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Well? What do you think, huh?
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| 362 | 10 | 2 | Sheila | Oh Gerald, it's beautiful.
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| 363 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Yeah. Now THIS, is a house.
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| 364 | 10 | 2 | Man | Oh hello there, you must be the new neighbors.
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| 365 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Yes that's right. We're the Broflovskis.
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| 366 | 10 | 2 | Man | Welcome to San Francisco. I'm Peter Thompson. This is my wife, Nancy Jarvis, and our son, Brian Thompson-Jarvis So how do you like the neighborhood?
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| 367 | 10 | 2 | Sheila | Oh it's gorgeous. These old houses are so neat.
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| 368 | 10 | 2 | Peter | Yes, well, unlike most cities, in San Francisco we try to keep all the historic houses instead of knocking them down.
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| 369 | 10 | 2 | Man 2 | You in here, Peter?
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| 370 | 10 | 2 | Peter | Oh hay, Paul. Come on in and meet the Broflovskis
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| 371 | 10 | 2 | Paul | Hello there. I'm Paul McDonahue. This is my wife, Paulie Beaumont-McCallahan, and our daughter, Mindy McDonahue-Beaumont-McCallahan
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| 372 | 10 | 2 | Gerald and Sheila | Hello.
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| 373 | 10 | 2 | Paul | We noticed your hybrid out front - that's a V series, right?
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| 374 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Yeah. That's right.
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| 375 | 10 | 2 | Peter | Whoa, nice car, but we're gonna have to get you into the BT series Its emissions are actually cleaner.
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| 376 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Wow, so, everyone here drives a hybrid, huh?
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| 377 | 10 | 2 | Peter | Oh, of course. We're a little more progressive and ahead of the curve here in San Francisco. Ahhhm. Anyway, I'm sure you'll find it much better here.
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| 378 | 10 | 2 | Paul | Yes, you'll find that San Francisco is pretty much more open-minded and grown-up than the Midwest. Ahhh, ahh, ahh. We're just a little bit more protective of our environment here in San Francisco
|
| 379 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Yeah. We sure are.
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| 380 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Come on, people. Come on, people now.
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| 381 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | Dude, what are you doing?
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| 382 | 10 | 2 | Stan | I'm writing a song about the importance of hybrid cars, so maybe people will change their ways.
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| 383 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | THAT's gay, heh.
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| 384 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Well if I have any chance of getting Kyle back, I have to get people to stop driving SUVs!
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| 385 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | Why do you want Kyle back?? Don't you see how awesome it is without him?
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| 386 | 10 | 2 | Stan | You know, Cartman, you may be stoked now, but I bet you're gonna find that withuot Kyle around to rip on, your life is empty, and hollow.
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| 387 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | Psh! Whatever dude. I don't need Kyle to rip on, I've got Butters. Come on, Butters, you stupid Jew!
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| 388 | 10 | 2 | Butters | Yeah! I'm a dumb Jew.
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| 389 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Come on, people. Come on, people now.
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| 390 | 10 | 2 | DJ | All right, all you dreamers and creamers out there out there in South Park, I'm gonna play a song by a local artist that really made me think about my impact on the earth. This is Stan Marsh with "Hey, People, You've Gotta Drive Hybrids Already".
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| 391 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Come on now, people now people now'
People now, come on now, people now
Got to drive hybrids, people now
People now, people now, people now
Hybrids are for people now, people now
Group of people driving people now
Get a hybrid, be good people now.
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| 392 | 10 | 2 | Customer | He's right.
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| 393 | 10 | 2 | Stan | We have all got to be people now
People-driving-hybrid people now
People now, people now, hybrid now
Hybrid-people-driving people now.
Come on, people, let's be people now
Hybrid-people-driving people now
Come on, everybody be people now
|
| 394 | 10 | 2 | Jimbo | Yeah, I just wanted to try to set an example, you know?
|
| 395 | 10 | 2 | Jimbo | Thanks.
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| 396 | 10 | 2 | Mrs. Garrison | Can you believe some people still don't drive hybrids?
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| 397 | 10 | 2 | Randy | I know! It's like "Earth to America? Hello? This is simple stuff here. Gawl"
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| 398 | 10 | 2 | Mr. Mackey | Well from now on, I'm only going to associate with other hybrid-car drivers. Everyone else is just ignorant, m'kay?
|
| 399 | 10 | 2 | Driver 1 | Good for you!
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| 400 | 10 | 2 | Driver 2 | Thanks!
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| 401 | 10 | 2 | Randy | At least we're smart enough to know better!
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| 402 | 10 | 2 | Driver 3 | Thanks!
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| 403 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Come on, everybody be people now
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| 404 | 10 | 2 | Speaker | And so we are here to honor Stan Marsh for making South Park the city with the highest percentage of hybrid owners in the country!
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| 405 | 10 | 2 | Richard | If only the rest of the country was as insightful as we are.
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| 406 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Ah, thanks. I was really just trying to make it so my friend can move back here so... if you don't mind, I'm gonna try to get a hold of him now.
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| 407 | 10 | 2 | Jimbo | Great speech!
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| 408 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Yeah, well, you know my son is just a little bit more clever than some.
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| 409 | 10 | 2 | An officer | Hello there, I'm Ranger McFriendly. I'm the person who watches over the delicate ecosystem of South Park. You must be the little boy who wrote that song.
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| 410 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Yeah.
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| 411 | 10 | 2 | Ranger McFriendly | Uhh!
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| 412 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Ow!
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| 413 | 10 | 2 | Ranger McFriendly | You son of a bitch! Do you have any idea what you've done?!
|
| 414 | 10 | 2 | Stan | What?!
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| 415 | 10 | 2 | Ranger McFriendly | Come with me!
|
| 416 | 10 | 2 | Ranger McFriendly | There! Look!
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| 417 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Smog? There's never been smog over South Park before.
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| 418 | 10 | 2 | Ranger McFriendly | Don't you get it?! When people drive hybrid cars, they get so full of themselves they spew tons of self-satisfied garbage into the air! That isn't smog, it's smug!
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| 419 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Smug?
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| 420 | 10 | 2 | Ranger McFriendly | Hybrid cars make better for emission levels, but people who drive hybrid cars are the leading cause of smug. You can have smug in the atmosphere, and you know what that leads to? Glodal laming! Thanks to your gay little song, South Park is now the second smuggiest city in America!
|
| 421 | 10 | 2 | Announcer | This is a South Park News Weather Bulletin!
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| 422 | 10 | 2 | Anchor Tom | It looks like we have a smug alert here in South Park. Our own Keenan Williams has the details. Keenan?
|
| 423 | 10 | 2 | Keenan | Thanks, Tom, a smug alert is in effect at least tomorrow morning. All those hybrid cars on the road have caused heavy smug to develop over most of Park and Jefferson Counties. On the national map, we can see smug over Denver and developing smug in Los Angeles. However, San Francisco is once again the smuggiest city in the country.
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| 424 | 10 | 2 | Singer | A smuggy day in San Francisco town.
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| 425 | 10 | 2 | Paul | Sheila, did you meet Gail and Brian?
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| 426 | 10 | 2 | Sheila | No! Hello, how are you?
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| 427 | 10 | 2 | Gail | Really good, really good.
|
| 428 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Hey there. Alan, right?
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| 429 | 10 | 2 | Alan | Actually, it's Alain
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| 430 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Right right, w-would, would you like red or white wine?
|
| 431 | 10 | 2 | Alan | Can I just get an empty glass?
|
| 432 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Oh. Sure.
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| 433 | 10 | 2 | Alan | Can you believe all these imbeciles in Texas? They just put another prisoner to death.
|
| 434 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | So... what do you do for fun?
|
| 435 | 10 | 2 | Brian | We drink and take drugs.
|
| 436 | 10 | 2 | Boy 1 | Do you want some acid?
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| 437 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | Oh, no thanks. We don't do that stuff.
|
| 438 | 10 | 2 | Boy 2 | You will. There's a reason most San Francisco kids take a lot of drugs.
|
| 439 | 10 | 2 | Brian | It's the only thing that allows us to deal with our parents all walking around loving the smell of their own farts all the time.
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| 440 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Everything okay in here, Kyle?
|
| 441 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | Yeah, fine, Dad.
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| 442 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | So much better here with the intellectuals, isn't it, boys? Wuhh Mmmm.
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| 443 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | Well... maybe I'll take just half a hit of acid.
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| 444 | 10 | 2 | Ike | I want three.
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| 445 | 10 | 2 | Stan | No, no, I'm asking if there's a listing for Broflovski in San Francisco! They just moved there!
|
| 446 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | Haha! Take that, Jew boy! I guess you Heebs can't even play video football!
|
| 447 | 10 | 2 | Butters | Yeah. You're right.
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| 448 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | You know Butters, you make for a lousy Jew.
|
| 449 | 10 | 2 | Butters | Well I'm sorry. Well it's just that I'm not Jewish, and now th-
|
| 450 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | No, no! Don't apologize, you asshole!
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| 451 | 10 | 2 | Ranger McFriendly | Marsh!
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| 452 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Oh crap, Ranger McFriendly.
|
| 453 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | Who?
|
| 454 | 10 | 2 | Ranger McFriendly | You'd better come with me to the news station! Our situation just got a lot worse!
|
| 455 | 10 | 2 | Keenan | I noticed it on the computer this morning. Look here. This is the smug over South Park. It's... getting bigger and gaining strength.
|
| 456 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | The smug?
|
| 457 | 10 | 2 | Keenan | The smug is getting so massive that it's moving west... and fusing with the San Francisco smug... Here. These two smug clouds are combining, fueling each other. Now take a look at this.
|
| 458 | 10 | 2 | Stan | What is that?
|
| 459 | 10 | 2 | Keenan | It's the smug from George Clooney's acceptance speech at the Academy Awards.
|
| 460 | 10 | 2 | Stan | George Clooney's acceptance speech?
|
| 461 | 10 | 2 | Keenan | Did you hear it? He talked about how people in Hollywood are ahead of the curve on social mattes. He even took credit for the Civil Rights movement -Look!! The point is... the smug from his acceptance speech has been slowly drifting north since he gave it... and is headed straight for the super cell. The South Park and San Francisco smug is already at critical mass. If it gets hit by George Clooney's acceptance speech, it will be a disaster of epic proportions. The perfect storm... of self-satisfaction.
|
| 462 | 10 | 2 | Ranger McFriendly | We've got to tell the townspeople! South Park still has a chance to make it through the storm!
|
| 463 | 10 | 2 | Stan | What about San Francisco?
|
| 464 | 10 | 2 | Keenan | Kid, thanks to your gay little song, there's not gonna be a San Francisco.
|
| 465 | 10 | 2 | Ranger McFriendly | Soo, that's it people. When the smug from George Clooney's speech hits the San Francisco and South Park smug, we're gonna witness a storm the likes of which we've never seen.
|
| 466 | 10 | 2 | Randy | Are you trying to tell us the smug from our hybrids is actually gonna kill us all?
|
| 467 | 10 | 2 | Ranger McFriendly | If the smug clouds remain the way they are, yes.
|
| 468 | 10 | 2 | Jimbo | This is all Stan's fault! He wrote that gay little song and got us to drive those damned hybrids!
|
| 469 | 10 | 2 | Randy | Yeah. Good going, stupid!
|
| 470 | 10 | 2 | Ranger McFriendly | Listen! Though we all agree this is Stan's fault, there is still something we can do. If we all work together to reduce smugness, we might be able to lessen the effects of the storm, at least here in our own town.
|
| 471 | 10 | 2 | Stephen | Then that's it. There's only one way to reduce smugness. We've gotta destroy every hybrid car in town!
|
| 472 | 10 | 2 | Jimbo | Everyone get your hybrid and meet at Dawson's!
|
| 473 | 10 | 2 | Randy | Hey, where do you think YOU're going?!
|
| 474 | 10 | 2 | Stan | I'm gonna try and warn Kyle to get out of San Francisco.
|
| 475 | 10 | 2 | Randy | Oh no you're not! Your gay little song got us to drive hybrids; you're gonna help us get rid of 'em!
|
| 476 | 10 | 2 | Ranger McFriendly | How long do we have until the smug clouds collide?
|
| 477 | 10 | 2 | Keenan | Not long. The smug from George Clooney's Academy Awards Acceptance Speech has already crossed into Arizona.
|
| 478 | 10 | 2 | Attendant | The hell is that?
|
| 479 | 10 | 2 | Butters | Wow, Eric. You sure are a great guy for doing this.
|
| 480 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | I don't have a choice. Somebody has to get into San Francisco and warn Kyle's family to get out before the storm hits.
|
| 481 | 10 | 2 | Butters | But... how come we can't just take the bus on into the city?
|
| 482 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | You don't know San Francisco, Butters. It was the breeding ground for the hippie movement in the 60s. Those hard-core liberals, lesbian activists, and die hard modern hippies young and old. I swore I would never set foot in San Francisco. God help me. All right, Butters, I'll be tethered to you through this cord. It's my only lifeline, so make sure it stays taut. If you stop hearing my voice, for the love of Christ, start reeling me in with all your strength.
|
| 483 | 10 | 2 | Butters | I will. You're really great for going to warn Kyle, Eric.
|
| 484 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | I'm not doin' it for Kyle. I can't believe I'm actually going to walk through San Francisco. Well, here it goes.
|
| 485 | 10 | 2 | Ranger McFriendly | All right. All right, now get it into the masher! Hurry up!
|
| 486 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Can't somebody else operate this? I can't really reach.
|
| 487 | 10 | 2 | Ranger McFriendly | Well then you shouldn't have written that gay little song, shouldn't you have?! Keenan, we've gotten rid of half the hybrid cars! How are the smug levels?!
|
| 488 | 10 | 2 | Keenan | They're dropping, slowly, but... but we're running out of time!
|
| 489 | 10 | 2 | Man | Yeah, it's like, San Francisco is more of a European city, like Paris or Milan.
|
| 490 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | Butters, are you there?!
|
| 491 | 10 | 2 | Butters | I'm here, Eric.
|
| 492 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | I've started to enter the smug. I'm about a quarter mile in. Can you give me an EL?
|
| 493 | 10 | 2 | Butters | You must be nearing Union Square. Did you see a fountain to your left?
|
| 494 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | Yes. It's just beyond yet another wine and cheese store.
|
| 495 | 10 | 2 | Butters | Wait, uhh, eh take your next right. You've got to start heading west.
|
| 496 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | Turning right at O two four niner.
|
| 497 | 10 | 2 | Randy | That's it. That's that the last one.
|
| 498 | 10 | 2 | Ranger McFriendly | Keenan? Keenan, we've smashed the last hybrid!
|
| 499 | 10 | 2 | Keenan | Harry, the smug from Clooney's speech is about to hit the other smug system! Get everyone inside! God help us.
|
| 500 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | Butters?! Butters, I think I'm here! 2419 Castillo?!
|
| 501 | 10 | 2 | Butters | That's it! Eric, hurry! Somethin's goin' on out here!
|
| 502 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | Mr. Broflovski! Mr. Broflovski, there a smug storm! We have to go!
|
| 503 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Being smug is a good thing.
|
| 504 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | Oh my CHRIST! Kyle? Kyle!
|
| 505 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | The acid. Dude, I'm totally tripping balls.
|
| 506 | 10 | 2 | Ike | I'm totally tripping balls. I'm totally tripping balls.
|
| 507 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | We have to get out of here! Now! Kyle! Kyle!!
|
| 508 | 10 | 2 | Network Anchor | And now, the worst appears to be over. Last night's smug storm... has left thousands homeless. All across the Midwest, people are picking up the pieces. Cities like Denver and South Park are heavily damaged, but still all right. However, San Francisco, I'm afraid... has disappeared completely up its own asshole.
|
| 509 | 10 | 2 | Stan | No...
|
| 510 | 10 | 2 | Randy | I'm sorry, Stan. I'm sorry your gay little song killed your friend.
|
| 511 | 10 | 2 | Clyde | Hey! Hey, Stan! You're not gonna believe it! You've gotta come see!
|
| 512 | 10 | 2 | Stan | What?
|
| 513 | 10 | 2 | Clyde | It's a miracle!
|
| 514 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Kyle!
|
| 515 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | Hey Stan.
|
| 516 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Dude, what happened??
|
| 517 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | We don't know. We were all passed out and... next thing we know we just woke up on a bus heading here.
|
| 518 | 10 | 2 | Mr. Mackey | It's like you had a guardian angel, m'kay?
|
| 519 | 10 | 2 | Stan | Dude, I'm so glad you're not dead.
|
| 520 | 10 | 2 | Richard | So I guess there's nothing left to do now but... rebuild.
|
| 521 | 10 | 2 | Randy | Yeah. First off, we're all gonna need new cars.
|
| 522 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | And let's make sure nobody gets a stupid hybrid, right?
|
| 523 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | NO! Hybrid cars are a good thing!
|
| 524 | 10 | 2 | Mr. Mackey | But hybrid cars are the leading cause of smug, m'kay?
|
| 525 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | Hybrid cars don't cause smugness, people do. Look, hybrid cars are important. They may even save our planet one day. What you all need to do is just learn to drive hybrids and not be smug about it.
|
| 526 | 10 | 2 | Randy | You mean... drive in hybrids... but not act like we're better than everyone else because of it.
|
| 527 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | Yeah!
|
| 528 | 10 | 2 | Randy | I'm... I'm not ready...
|
| 529 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | I don't think I can do it either.
|
| 530 | 10 | 2 | Mr. Mackey | It's simply asking too much.
|
| 531 | 10 | 2 | Randy | Perhaps... one day... we can learn to drive hybrids without being smug about it, but for now... the technology is just too much for us.
|
| 532 | 10 | 2 | Gerald | Come on, everybody! Let's go buy wasteful gas guzzlers!
|
| 533 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | Well, looks like you're back for good, huh Kyle?
|
| 534 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | Yeah, I guess so.
|
| 535 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | We just can't get rid of you, can we, you sneaky Jew rat!
|
| 536 | 10 | 2 | Kyle | Don't belittle my people, you fucking fatass!
|
| 537 | 10 | 2 | Cartman | Ah, that's better.
|
| 538 | 10 | 3 | Sharon | But the Bubble Gum Prince wasn't afraid. He knew that the Land of Chocolate was safe forever and ever. Goodnight my little angel.
|
| 539 | 10 | 3 | Randy | STAAAN!!
|
| 540 | 10 | 3 | Stan | What?? What??
|
| 541 | 10 | 3 | Randy | Get up! Get your shoes on! Gotta get out of here! MOOVE! Take this!! We've gotta bring all the water we can!! Shelly, go get my gun!!
|
| 542 | 10 | 3 | Shelly | Whats going on dad?
|
| 543 | 10 | 3 | Randy | JUST GET THE GUN!!
|
| 544 | 10 | 3 | Randy | Unh, come on!
|
| 545 | 10 | 3 | Man | AWWWGH!
|
| 546 | 10 | 3 | Woman | Oh nooo!
|
| 547 | 10 | 3 | Stan | Kyle! What the hell is going on this time?!
|
| 548 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | I have no idea!
|
| 549 | 10 | 3 | Man | Take cover in the community center again!
|
| 550 | 10 | 3 | Jimbo | All right, everyone get in and get a seal on that door!
|
| 551 | 10 | 3 | Linda | Oh my God, Stephen, we've left Butters.
|
| 552 | 10 | 3 | Stephen | We can't go back out, Linda! It's too late for him!
|
| 553 | 10 | 3 | Stan | Dad? Dad, what the hell is going on?!
|
| 554 | 10 | 3 | Randy | A cartoon...! A cartoon is about to air on American television with... with the Muslim prophet Mohammad as a character!
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| 555 | 10 | 3 | Stan | Sso?
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| 556 | 10 | 3 | Randy | SO?! Stanley, Mohammad is sacred to the Muslim people. Ever since those cartoon in Denmark, the rules have changed. Nobody shows an image of Mohammad anymore.
|
| 557 | 10 | 3 | Gerald | Which cartoon is it? What cartoon'll be so insensitive as to have Mohammad as a character?
|
| 558 | 10 | 3 | Randy | Who do you think?! The cartoon that's always pushing buttons with their careless toilet humor! Family Guy!
|
| 559 | 10 | 3 | Crowd | AWWW!
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| 560 | 10 | 3 | Jimbo | How could Family Guy do that?
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| 561 | 10 | 3 | Sheila | Why would Family Guy so blatantly insult Muslims?
|
| 562 | 10 | 3 | Randy | Because Family Guy doesn't care who they insult! They only care about their... precious money!
|
| 563 | 10 | 3 | Stan | Oh come on, people. You really think anybody's gonna be that pissed off about a cartoon??
|
| 564 | 10 | 3 | Mr. Mackey | Wu-we've got the TV working!
|
| 565 | 10 | 3 | Tom | Once again, a cartoon depicting the Muslim prophet Mohammad is set to air tonight on Family Guy!
|
| 566 | 10 | 3 | Sharon | Oh Randy, hold me.
|
| 567 | 10 | 3 | Tom | The news has already sparked a shockwave of protests throughout the Muslim world. All over the Middle East, Muslims are burning American flags and Family Guy posters. Muslim terrorist al-Zawahri made this statement:
|
| 568 | 10 | 3 | al-Zawahri | We are so super pissed off at 'Family Guy'. 'Family Guy' isn't even that funny of a show. A jihad on 'Family Guy', and the 'Family Guy' nation!
|
| 569 | 10 | 3 | Linda | So what happens now?
|
| 570 | 10 | 3 | Randy | We stay here through the night, wait it out to see if they do anything. If we're still alive in the morning, then we'll know we're not dead.
|
| 571 | 10 | 3 | Mrs. Garrison | It's okay!
|
| 572 | 10 | 3 | Randy | We're alive?? We're alive!
|
| 573 | 10 | 3 | Jimbo | Everyone. Everyone, listen. FOX Network censored the image of Mohammad at the last minute.
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| 574 | 10 | 3 | Crowd | Oh thank God.
|
| 575 | 10 | 3 | Randy | Well, it looks like we've dodged a bullet.
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| 576 | 10 | 3 | Stan | They censored the image of Mohammad? How?
|
| 577 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | I TIVO every episode. We can go to my house and see what they did.
|
| 578 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | Okay you guys, check it out.
|
| 579 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | You TIVO every episode of Family Guy?
|
| 580 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | Dude, it's a good show.
|
| 581 | 10 | 3 | Stan | Yeah, lots of people like Family Guy.
|
| 582 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Yich.
|
| 583 | 10 | 3 | Lois | Peter, I can't believe you invited your old high-school sweetheart over for dinner.
|
| 584 | 10 | 3 | Peter | You think that's bad? Remember when I auditioned to be David Hasselhoff's car?
|
| 585 | 10 | 3 | Peter | Hey there, Knight Rider.
|
| 586 | 10 | 3 | Michael | After those bad guys, KITT!
|
| 587 | 10 | 3 | Chris | Yeah, but Dad, why would you invite an ex-girlfriend to dinner?
|
| 588 | 10 | 3 | Stewie | Perhaps he wants to make our mother nervous.
|
| 589 | 10 | 3 | Peter | Nervous? Like when I had to sell pancakes to the school soccer captain?
|
| 590 | 10 | 3 | Peter | Pancakes for you, Captain?
|
| 591 | 10 | 3 | Soccer Captain | I'll be the Captain, and you'll be Tenille.
|
| 592 | 10 | 3 | Peter | Love will keep us together
|
| 593 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | Hehaha, heh.
|
| 594 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Yich.
|
| 595 | 10 | 3 | Lois | But Peter, I don't wanna cook dinner for your ex-girlfriend.
|
| 596 | 10 | 3 | Peter | Well, maybe we can just have tea.
|
| 597 | 10 | 3 | Brian | You mean like the time you had tea with Mohammad, the prophet of the Muslim faith?
|
| 598 | 10 | 3 | Peter | Come on, Mohammad, let's get some tea.
|
| 599 | 10 | 3 | Mr. T | Try my "Mr. T. ...tea."
|
| 600 | 10 | 3 | Peter | Oh boy, was that ever weird. Anyway, I can't believe I invited my old sweetheart to dinner. Huh.
|
| 601 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | That's it? That's all they did?
|
| 602 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Oh man, that's not cool! Seriously, that is not cool.
|
| 603 | 10 | 3 | Stan | What? What's the big deal?
|
| 604 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | What's the big deal? You guys, they just made fun of the religion of an entire group of people. What, you guys think that's okay?! Do you care at all about people's feelings?!
|
| 605 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | Since when you care about being sensitive to people's religion, Cartman?!
|
| 606 | 10 | 3 | Stan | Yeah, you rip on people's religion all the time!
|
| 607 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | That's different! I'm just a little boy! That's a cartoon! Millions of people watch it! How would you feel, Kyle, if there was a cartoon on television that made fun of Jews all the time?! Huh?!
|
| 608 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | Uhhh...
|
| 609 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | I'm telling you guys, it's wrong! It's WRONG!! It's wrong!
|
| 610 | 10 | 3 | Sheila | Kyle? Kyle, what are you watchi-?!
|
| 611 | 10 | 3 | Peter | Hey Brian, this is like the time I got a job as a carrot cake.
|
| 612 | 10 | 3 | Sheila | Gaaah! It's Family Guy! Quick, Gerald, do something!
|
| 613 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | Dad, Dad, Jesus Christ!
|
| 614 | 10 | 3 | Gerald | It's okay... it's dead.
|
| 615 | 10 | 3 | Sheila | You boys know you're not supposed to watch that careless show!
|
| 616 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | Mom, it was nothing. Mohammad just stood there and then drank some tea.
|
| 617 | 10 | 3 | Sheila | You boys don't understand anything! It's obvious that you ALL need Muslim-sensitivity training!
|
| 618 | 10 | 3 | Mrs. Garrison | Welcome to Muslim-Sensitivity Training. It is important for us to understand why the Muslim feel the way they do, and why we can never show an image of Mohammad.
|
| 619 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | No, Muslims can't show an image of Mohammad.
|
| 620 | 10 | 3 | Mrs. Garrison | Kyle, you're not being very sensitive.
|
| 621 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Yeah, Kyle. Maybe you think this is funny, but the rest of us don't.
|
| 622 | 10 | 3 | Mrs. Garrison | Let's all look at why Muslims are upset: First of all, in the Muslim religion, you're not allowed to have what? Sex. Good. There's no sex until marriage in the Muslim world. Now, this would be fine except that in the Muslim religion you also can't... Anybody? Jack off. Okay, jacking it is strictly forbidden in the Muslim religion. And what do we know about the places Muslims live? They live in? Good, sand. Now put yourself in the shoes of a Muslim. It's Friday night, but you can't have sex, and you can't jack off. There's sand in your eyes and probably in the crack of your ass, and then some cartoon comes along from a country where people are getting laid, and mocks your prophet. Well you know what? I'd be pretty pissed off too!
|
| 623 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Mrs. Garrison, that is ignorant and racist! Muslims are mad because of Family Guy, not because they can't jack off! Right, Wendy?
|
| 624 | 10 | 3 | Wendy | ...yeah.
|
| 625 | 10 | 3 | Mr. Mackey | Attention students: Proceed to the school gymnasium immediately for an emergency announcement!
|
| 626 | 10 | 3 | Stan | The hell's going on now?!
|
| 627 | 10 | 3 | Principal Victoria | Shh! Quiet, students, quiet!
|
| 628 | 10 | 3 | SNN Anchor | Once again: we have just learned that the Family Guy episode featuring Mohammad was only Part 1 of a two-parter! And Part 2 is going to air next week, with Mohammad uncensored!
|
| 629 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | What?
|
| 630 | 10 | 3 | Mrs. Garrison | Why would they-?
|
| 631 | 10 | 3 | SNN Anchor | FOX Studios claims that the Family Guy writing staff has demanded the Mohammad character be seen in full view. The head of FOX had this to say:
|
| 632 | 10 | 3 | FOX President | Family Guy is our biggest show. If they insist we don't censor their work, then we we can't.
|
| 633 | 10 | 3 | Randy | FAMILY GUY!!! I DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!
|
| 634 | 10 | 3 | SNN Anchor | Once again, bitter riots have started in the Middle East; this time, even more massive. And terrorist leader al-Zawahri has issued a threat
|
| 635 | 10 | 3 | al-Zawahri | Seriously, 'Family Guy' isn't even that well written. The jokes are all interchangeable and usually irrelevant to the plot. When this episode airs-our retaliation will be MASSIVE!!!!
|
| 636 | 10 | 3 | Mr. Mackey | Retaliation... Oh my God. M'kay?
|
| 637 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Goddamned Family Guy! Now they're just provoking people! It's like they want a holy war!
|
| 638 | 10 | 3 | Stan | Does this mean we don't have school all week?
|
| 639 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | You guys, this is serious! We have to do something!
|
| 640 | 10 | 3 | Kenny | (Like what?)
|
| 641 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | We have to go to the FOX network in L.A. We have to go and... try to get that episode pulled. You guys with me?
|
| 642 | 10 | 3 | Stan | Dude, we can't go anywhere. They've shut down the airports and the buses.
|
| 643 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Then we'll ride our Big Wheels.
|
| 644 | 10 | 3 | Stan | To Los Angeles?
|
| 645 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | If that's what it takes, yes! We have to talk to the network! The Family Guy writers aren't gonna back down!
|
| 646 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | Well good for them. They shouldn't! The writers are standing up and saying they aren't going to be intimidated!
|
| 647 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Intimidated?! Is that what you think this is about, Kyle?
|
| 648 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | All right dude, what the hell has gotten into you?! I don't trust for one second that your sudden concern for the Muslim people is real!
|
| 649 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | All right, fine, Kyle. Forget the Muslim faith for a minute. People can get hurt. If ten people die because Family Guy just had to have their little joke, will you still think it's funny? What if a hundred people died? Will it be funny then, Kyle? I'm going to Los Angeles. I'm gonna do whatever I can to get that episode pulled before this gets out of hand. Somebody has to speak for the Muslim people. Somebody has to speak for what's right.
|
| 650 | 10 | 3 | Gerald | Kyle! Kyle, wake up! We have to go! The terrorists are attacking!
|
| 651 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | Dad? Are you sure there's time?
|
| 652 | 10 | 3 | Gerald | This isn't a joke, Kyle! Bombs have already gone off in six cities!
|
| 653 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | No!
|
| 654 | 10 | 3 | Sheila | Wait a minute! Where's Ike?!
|
| 655 | 10 | 3 | Gerald | He was just here! Ike!
|
| 656 | 10 | 3 | Sheila | Ike!
|
| 657 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | Ike? Iiike! Ike!
|
| 658 | 10 | 3 | Ike | Ice cream. I want chocolate.
|
| 659 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | Ike! This way! Iiike!
|
| 660 | 10 | 3 | Ike | Kyyyle!
|
| 661 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | Nooooo!
|
| 662 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Come to try and stop me?! It isn't gonna work.
|
| 663 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | I didn't come to stop you. I... I think you're right, Cartman. I want to help you get the Family Guy episode pulled.
|
| 664 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Yeah well, I don't need a partner on this. Especially one who doesn't trust me.
|
| 665 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | Look, Cartman, I don't know what's gotten into you, but... I I think it's pretty amazing. And I think it's real. You have to understand why I didn't believe you before.
|
| 666 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Yeah. I do understand, Kyle. I've been doing the wrong things for a long time. Doing things for my own selfish reasons. I just wanna do something right, you know? Just this one time.
|
| 667 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | It's a long trip, dude. You're gonna need help. We can try and get the episode pulled together.
|
| 668 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | You know we might not even make it into the studio.
|
| 669 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | I know. But just like you, I feel like I have to try. People can really get hurt, and a joke just isn't worth that.
|
| 670 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | So what made you change your mind?
|
| 671 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | I got some sound advice... from an old friend.
|
| 672 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Well Kyle, we'd better get going.
|
| 673 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | Yeah!
|
| 674 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Are you set?
|
| 675 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | I'm set! Let's do this!
|
| 676 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | All right, let's roll!
|
| 677 | 10 | 3 | Mayor McDaniels | People! People, quiet, please! We must not panic!
|
| 678 | 10 | 3 | Randy | Well what are we gonna do, Mayor?! Part 2 of the Family Guy episode airs in six days!
|
| 679 | 10 | 3 | Mayor McDaniels | I believe that Professor Thomas from the University has come up with a solution.
|
| 680 | 10 | 3 | Prof. Thomas | Thank you, Mayor. Now look, everyone, Muslim terrorists and extremists are threatening us for what Family Guy is going to do... because they've wrongly grouped us together. Our only hope is to make the Muslim extremists know... that we had no part in the Mohammad episode. That even though the episode aired, we didn't watch it, we didn't hear it, and we didn't talk about it.
|
| 681 | 10 | 3 | Jimbo | So how do we do that?
|
| 682 | 10 | 3 | Prof. Thomas | We bury our heads. In sand. We take twenty to twenty-five dump trucks, fill them with sand from Monarch Lake, and then dump the sand along South Park Avenue. By using approximately eighteen dozen shovels, we can each dig a hole in the sand, stick our heads in the holes, and then have the person to our left bury them. If we can manage to get every person's head buried deep, deep in sand before the Mohammad episode airs, we could avoid looking like we're responsible for any part of this at all.
|
| 683 | 10 | 3 | Stephen | No, no, wait a minute, that's ridiculous. What we need to do is just the opposite. Freedom of speech is at stake here, don't you all see? If anything, we should ALL make cartoons of Mohammad, and show the terrorists and the extremists that we are all united in the belief that every person has a right to say what they want! Look, people, it's... been real easy for us to stand up for free speech lately. For the past few decades we haven't had to risk anything to defend it. But those times are going to come! And one of those times is right now. And if WE... aren't willing to RISK... what we have, then we just believe in free speech, but we don't defend it.
|
| 684 | 10 | 3 | Randy | I like the sand idea.
|
| 685 | 10 | 3 | Mr. Mackey | Yeah, me too.
|
| 686 | 10 | 3 | Gerald | Yeah. The sand thing sounds a lot simpler.
|
| 687 | 10 | 3 | Mayor McDaniels | We're gonna need eight dozen shovels and sixteen tons of sand! Let's move, people!
|
| 688 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | We got six days to make it to Los Angeles. If we keep our stops to a minimum, we should be able to get the episode pulled just in time.
|
| 689 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Yes, and in just a few weeks from now, Family Guy will be off the air forever.
|
| 690 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | Off the air? But... we're just going to try to get the Mohammad episode pulled.
|
| 691 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | It's simple television economics, Kyle. All it takes to kill a show forever is get one episode pulled. If we convince the network to pull this episode for the sake of Muslims, then the Catholics can demand a show they don't like get pulled. And then people with disabilities can demand another show get pulled. And so on and so on, until Family Guy is no more! It's exactly what happened to Laverne & Shirley.
|
| 692 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | Whoa whoa wait a minute! This isn't what I signed up for! I like Family Guy. Why do we have to get it off the air forever?
|
| 693 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Because they made f-fun of Muslims, and and that's wrong.
|
| 694 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | But that doesn't mean it has to go off the air. You should like that show. Your sense of humor is just like Family Guy.
|
| 695 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Don't you EVER, EVER, compare me to Family Guy! You hear me Kyle??!! Compare me to Family Guy again, and so help me I will kill you where you stand!
|
| 696 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | You unbelievable son of a bitch. You never cared about the Muslim religion. Or the safety of people in America. You just want Family Guy off the air!
|
| 697 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Do you have any idea what it's like?! Everywhere I go, "Hey Cartman, you must like Family Guy, right?" "Hey, your sense of humor reminds me of Family Guy, Cartman." I am NOTHING like Family Guy! When I make jokes, they are inherent to a story! Deep, situational and emotional jokes based on what is relevant and has a POINT! Not just one interchangeable joke after another!!
|
| 698 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | What are you talking about?!
|
| 699 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!
|
| 700 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | I can't believe I let you scare me into taking your side. You used fear to make me stop believing in free speech.
|
| 701 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Well... I guess you won't be helping me now. No biggie. I don't NEED you to get the episode pulled!
|
| 702 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | No! I am NOT letting you go to that television studio and pretend... to care about safety and sensitivity to get a show you don't like off the air!
|
| 703 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Well then Kyle, I guess we- ...Oh my God, is that Tim McGraw?
|
| 704 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | What? CARTMAN!
|
| 705 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Kyle, stop it!
|
| 706 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Holy Crap!
|
| 707 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | Ahhh!
|
| 708 | 10 | 3 | Trooper | Stay on 'em! Jesus, Mary!
|
| 709 | 10 | 3 | Prof. Thomas | If you have children, be sure to bury their heads in the sand before you bury your own.
|
| 710 | 10 | 3 | Stan | Dad, I don't wanna bury my head in the sand.
|
| 711 | 10 | 3 | Randy | It's the best say, Stanley. Did you eat your Fruit Roll-Up?
|
| 712 | 10 | 3 | Stan | Yeah.
|
| 713 | 10 | 3 | Randy | All right, make sure your snorkel is working. All right, now get your head in the hole.
|
| 714 | 10 | 3 | Stan | Dad, this is stupid.
|
| 715 | 10 | 3 | Randy | Stanley, there's no time for your immaturity! Do it! All right Sharon, now do me.
|
| 716 | 10 | 3 | Jimbo | Uh Professor, we all just thought of somethin'. If everyone has their head buried by the person standing to their left, then who's gonna bury the last person's head?
|
| 717 | 10 | 3 | Prof. Thomas | Yes. I'm afraid one person is going to have to be last, and... not have his head in the sand.
|
| 718 | 10 | 3 | Farmer | I'll do it.
|
| 719 | 10 | 3 | Wife | Dylan, no!
|
| 720 | 10 | 3 | Prof. Thomas | You realize by not burying your head in sand, you'll appear to be a part of the Family Guy audience.
|
| 721 | 10 | 3 | Dylan | Yes, I know.
|
| 722 | 10 | 3 | Wife | Dylan, please, you can't!
|
| 723 | 10 | 3 | Dylan | Somebody has to do it, Sarah. You run along now and you get your head in the sand. I'll be all right. You have to understand... I'm all she has.
|
| 724 | 10 | 3 | Mrs. Garrison | Who are those people?
|
| 725 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | No! AAAAH! AAAAH!
|
| 726 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Hahahaha! So long, Kyle!
|
| 727 | 10 | 3 | Kyle | You son of a bitch! I won't let you win! You hear me?!
|
| 728 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Suck mah balls, Kyle!
|
| 729 | 10 | 3 | President Bush | Are you the network president?
|
| 730 | 10 | 3 | FOX President | Yes, Mr. President.
|
| 731 | 10 | 3 | President Bush | We need to discuss this Family Guy episode, Mr. President.
|
| 732 | 10 | 3 | FOX President | Mr. President, my hands are tied. The Family Guy writers insist I don't censor Mohammad.
|
| 733 | 10 | 3 | President Bush | But Mr. President, this is a matter of national security. They must be reasoned with.
|
| 734 | 10 | 3 | FOX President | Mr. President, there's something about the Family Guy writing staff I think you should know.
|
| 735 | 10 | 3 | Announcer | Next week on South Park: The race continues. Cartman reaches the Family Guy Studio and learns the shocking secret behind the Family Guy writing staff.
|
| 736 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | This... explains everything.
|
| 737 | 10 | 3 | Announcer | As an entire nation buries its head in sand...
|
| 738 | 10 | 3 | SNN Anchor | The idea has swept the nation! But where will we find enough sand for everyone?
|
| 739 | 10 | 3 | Announcer | ...and the battle between Good and Evil is finally waged...
|
| 740 | 10 | 3 | Cartman | Kyle, quit it! Stop it, Kyle!
|
| 741 | 10 | 3 | Announcer | Will the cartoon be allowed to appear uncensored? Will Family Guy be destroyed??? Will television executives fight for free speech? Or will Comedy Central puss out? Tune in to see Part 2 of Family Guy, next week, on South Park!
|
| 742 | 10 | 4 | Announcer | Previously on South Park...
|
| 743 | 10 | 4 | SNN Anchor | The popular cartoon, Family Guy, is going to show the image of Mohammad uncensored!
|
| 744 | 10 | 4 | Prof. Thomas | If we all bury our heads in sand, we can avoid being any part of this.
|
| 745 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | I'm gonna do whatever I can... to get that episode pulled before this gets out of hand.
|
| 746 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | You just want Family Guy off the air...
|
| 747 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Kyle, stop it!
|
| 748 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | So long, Kyle!
|
| 749 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | You son of a bitch! I won't let you win!
|
| 750 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | Mr. President, there's something about the Family Guy writing staff I think you should know.
|
| 751 | 10 | 4 | Announcer | And now, the thrilling conclusion of... Cartoon Wars... will not be seen tonight! so that we can bring you this Terrance & Phillip Television Special
|
| 752 | 10 | 4 | Phillip | Say Terrance, isn't it wonderful having a holiday here at the Lazy "J" Ranch?
|
| 753 | 10 | 4 | Terrance | It sure is, Phillip. But I do believe this steer I'm riding has the farts.
|
| 754 | 10 | 4 | Phillip | Oh, look who's coming! Isn't that Mohammad, the holy prophet of the Muslim religion?
|
| 755 | 10 | 4 | Mohammad | Hey guys, how's it going?
|
| 756 | 10 | 4 | Terrance | Hello Mohammad, we've read all aboat you in the Koran.
|
| 757 | 10 | 4 | Mohammad | I'm here to investigate a murder.
|
| 758 | 10 | 4 | Terrance | ALL RIGHT, JUST WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE??!!
|
| 759 | 10 | 4 | Phillip | You censored out the image of Mohammad in our television special!!
|
| 760 | 10 | 4 | Network President | Ey! You guys know the rules! Nobody can show the image of Mohammad anymore. It's dangerous.
|
| 761 | 10 | 4 | Terrance | But you ruined the whole show!
|
| 762 | 10 | 4 | Network President | Look, I'm not gonna risk the lives of the people at this network. Let's just forget aboat it, okay guys? Aw, come on guys, give me a break.
|
| 763 | 10 | 4 | Phillip | We demand you rerun Mystery at the Lazy "J" Ranch with Mohammad uncensored!
|
| 764 | 10 | 4 | Network President | Ey! I run this network, not you guys! And if you ask me, your show has become so preachy and full of messages that you've forgotten how to be funny! NO Mohammad!
|
| 765 | 10 | 4 | Terrance | But Family Guy is going to show Mohammad on an episode that airs tonight!
|
| 766 | 10 | 4 | Network President | I doubt it! I'll bet that right now, somebody is on their way to FOX Network to demand that that episode be pulled.
|
| 767 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Ma'am, I need to speak to the president of this network right away.
|
| 768 | 10 | 4 | Receptionist | What is it regarding?
|
| 769 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | It's regarding Family Guy. I demand that the Mohammad episode be pulled before it airs tonight! It's incendiary, it's offensive to Muslims, and people can get hurt! It's wrong! It's WROOONG!
|
| 770 | 10 | 4 | Receptionist | O...kay, but if you've got a problem with Family Guy, you'll have to wait in line. That little boy over there has an appointment to try and get Family Guy off the air altogether.
|
| 771 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Dude, can I go before you?
|
| 772 | 10 | 4 | Bart | Eat my shorts!
|
| 773 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | What the hell is going on? Hello? Excuse me, I need to get to Los Angeles. Hello?!
|
| 774 | 10 | 4 | SNN Anchor | ...starting in a small town in central Colorado. The idea has now spread all over America. Muslims continue to riot in the Middle East, demanding that Family Guy not air tonight's episode. Amd Muslim terrorists continue to make threats.
|
| 775 | 10 | 4 | Al-Zawahri | "Family Guy" better not show Mohammad tonight. I'm serious. "Family Guy" isn't funny.
|
| 776 | 10 | 4 | SNN Anchor | Osama bin Laden had this to say:
|
| 777 | 10 | 4 | Osama bin Laden | If you look closely at the writing in "Family Guy", you will see that the jokes never derive from the plot, and I think that's totally gay.
|
| 778 | 10 | 4 | SNN Anchor | Bin Laden went on to say that if Family Guy shows the image of Mohammad as planned, the terrorist retaliation will be immediate.
|
| 779 | 10 | 4 | Trucker | You one of them?
|
| 780 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Who?
|
| 781 | 10 | 4 | Trucker | How come your head ain't in the sand?
|
| 782 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | So... you don't like Family Guy either, huh?
|
| 783 | 10 | 4 | Bart | I hate Family Guy.
|
| 784 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | So what's your plan? You're gonna ask the president of the network nicely to take it off the air?
|
| 785 | 10 | 4 | Bart | Not nicely.
|
| 786 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Look, kid, if you hate a TV show, all you have to do is get an episode pulled. Pretty soon the show is compromised and it goes off the air.
|
| 787 | 10 | 4 | Bart | Cool, man.
|
| 788 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Yes. So my plan is to use this whole Mohammad thing as a way to scare the network into pulling tonight's show. I'm going to use fear to get them to do what I want.
|
| 789 | 10 | 4 | Bart | Isn't that like, terrorism?
|
| 790 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | ...No, it isn't like terrorism. It IS terrorism.
|
| 791 | 10 | 4 | Bart | I could do that.
|
| 792 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | This is manipulation at its highest lever; you should let me handle this.
|
| 793 | 10 | 4 | Bart | I'm a pretty bad kid.
|
| 794 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Really? What's the worst thing you've ever done?
|
| 795 | 10 | 4 | Bart | I stole the head off a statue once.
|
| 796 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Wow, that's pretty hardcore. Geez. That's like this one time, when I didn't like a kid, so I ground his parents up into chili and fed it to him.
|
| 797 | 10 | 4 | Bart | You got it, man. You got it.
|
| 798 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Seeya.
|
| 799 | 10 | 4 | President Bush | I want to assure the American people that as President, I have exhausted every possible solution. Unfortunately, Mohammad will appear uncensored on Family Guy tonight at seven.
|
| 800 | 10 | 4 | Reporters | Mr. President!
|
| 801 | 10 | 4 | Reporter 1 | Mr. President, can't the writers of the show be reasoned with? Don't they know they're putting the country in danger?
|
| 802 | 10 | 4 | President Bush | I have come to... understand something about the Family Guy writing staff. Suffice it to say that they will not be persuaded by the possibility of violence.
|
| 803 | 10 | 4 | Reporters | Mr. President!
|
| 804 | 10 | 4 | Reporter 1 | What exactly did you learn about the Family Guy writing staff, Mr. President?
|
| 805 | 10 | 4 | President Bush | I'm afraid that information is classified.
|
| 806 | 10 | 4 | Reporters | AWWW!!! Mr. President!
|
| 807 | 10 | 4 | TCO Reporter | Mr. President, can't you force the Family Guy writing staff not to write anything about Mohammad?
|
| 808 | 10 | 4 | LSX Reporter | Couldn't you throw them in prison?
|
| 809 | 10 | 4 | President Bush | Look! The fact of the matter is the Family Guy writing staff is protected by something called the First Amendment!
|
| 810 | 10 | 4 | Reporter 2 | And what exactly is this First Amendment, Mr. President?
|
| 811 | 10 | 4 | President Bush | Uh you know, the right to free speech.
|
| 812 | 10 | 4 | Reporters | AWWW!!!
|
| 813 | 10 | 4 | Reporter 3 | Mr. President, when your administration came up with this "First Amendment," did it not foresee a problem like this might happen?
|
| 814 | 10 | 4 | President Bush | Well... We didn't come up with the First Amendment. It was already in place.
|
| 815 | 10 | 4 | TCO Reporter | What do you intend to do about this "First Amendment," Mr. President?
|
| 816 | 10 | 4 | Reporter 4 | Forgive me, Mr. President, but this "First Amendment" sounds like a lot of bureaucratic jibbery-joob?
|
| 817 | 10 | 4 | Reporters | Yeah!
|
| 818 | 10 | 4 | Reporter 5 | That's right!
|
| 819 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | Okay, let's discuss the fall lineup.
|
| 820 | 10 | 4 | Receptionist 2 | Sir, there's still one little boy out here who wants to speak with you about pulling the Family Guy episode
|
| 821 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | All right, let's get this over with.
|
| 822 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Hello, gentlemen, ladies. My name is little Danny Pocket. And I won't take much of your time. Please excuse my tiny crutch; it's the only way I can get around these days. Ow...
|
| 823 | 10 | 4 | Staff | Oh, poor kid.
|
| 824 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | You see, my father worked for a newspaper in my native country of Denmark. His newspaper showed an image of Mohammad and, two days later, terrorists suicides bombed his building. I was in the lobby when it happened. First one terrorist suicide bombed us and, then dozens more. They just kept coming. Suicide bombers running in the building and blowing up one after another! They were like Mexican jumping beans. I just don't wanna see people here at your studio getting hurt, because... that would be, of course, your responsibility. Ow..
|
| 825 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | I feel terrible. It's so east to put terrorism out of mind until one of its victims is staring you in the face.
|
| 826 | 10 | 4 | Staffer | Sir, if we pull the episode, the Family Guy writing staff will refuse to work again.
|
| 827 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | Little boy, will you talk to the Family Guy writing staff? If your story touches their hearts like it has ours, perhaps they'll back down from demanding we air the episode.
|
| 828 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | I'll certainly do my best. Ow.
|
| 829 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | Take this noble child over to the Family Guy offices. If he can scare them like he has us, maybe we can pull the Mohammad episode after all.
|
| 830 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Yes, and then Family Guy is as good as dead.
|
| 831 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | What was that?
|
| 832 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | I I said "thank you." Thank you for listening.
|
| 833 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Thanks a lot for the ride.
|
| 834 | 10 | 4 | Trucker | Ey, it's the least I could do. I hope you succeed, kid. I really don't wanna see Family Guy go off the air. I love that show!
|
| 835 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | I'll do everything I can.
|
| 836 | 10 | 4 | Trucker | I mean, I know it's just joke after joke, but I like that. At least it doesn't get all preachy and up its own ass with messages, you know?
|
| 837 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Excuse me. Do you know which way the network president's office is?
|
| 838 | 10 | 4 | Bart | Who wants to know?!
|
| 839 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Look, my fat bastard friend is trying to trick the network into getting Family Guy off the air.
|
| 840 | 10 | 4 | Bart | The network president's office is in there!
|
| 841 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Oh thanks, dude.
|
| 842 | 10 | 4 | Bart | No problem, man.
|
| 843 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Hello? This can't be right, I- Ow!
|
| 844 | 10 | 4 | Bart | Cowabunga, motherfucker!
|
| 845 | 10 | 4 | Receptionist 2 | Hello Mitchell.
|
| 846 | 10 | 4 | Mitchell | Oh hi, Miss Travis.
|
| 847 | 10 | 4 | Miss Travis | The president has asked that little Danny Pocket here speak with the Family Guy writing staff.
|
| 848 | 10 | 4 | Mitchell | Are you... sure? They're working on a new episode right now.
|
| 849 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | It won't take long, sir. Ow...
|
| 850 | 10 | 4 | Mitchell | All right, I'll take him back. Follow me, little Danny. You must be excited. Not many people get to meet our writing staff.
|
| 851 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Yes, I'm totally excited. Family Guy is so funny.
|
| 852 | 10 | 4 | Mitchell | Well, here we are. Danny, the Family Guy writing staff.
|
| 853 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Wha? What are they?
|
| 854 | 10 | 4 | Mitchell | They're manatees. Gretchen and Flubber are from the Gulf of Mexico. Tinker, Pete and Lucy are from the Caribbean Sea.
|
| 855 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Family Guy is written by manatees? Of course, it all makes sense now.
|
| 856 | 10 | 4 | Mitchell | They really are brilliant creatures. You see, the right side of the tank is filled with idea balls. Each ball has a verb, noun, or pop culture reference written on it. There's millions of them. The manatees choose an idea ball and swim it over to the joke combine on the other side of the tank. Uh there goes Gretchen! She's comin' up with an idea. Oh, she came up with Gary Coleman. The idea balls drop into the joke combine and form part of the new script. Laundry Date Winning Mexico Gary Coleman. A perfect Family Guy joke! I can see it now!
|
| 857 | 10 | 4 | Lois | Peter, you didn't do the laundry today.
|
| 858 | 10 | 4 | Peter | You think that's bad? Remember the time I won a date to Mexico with Gary Coleman?
|
| 859 | 10 | 4 | Waiter | ¿Qué pasa, señores?
|
| 860 | 10 | 4 | Gary Coleman | Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?
|
| 861 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Waitwaitaminute waitaminute. These... manatees demanded that Mohammad be shown? How? Manatees don't talk!
|
| 862 | 10 | 4 | Mitchell | When FOX censored the image of Mohammad last week, it also meant that the Mohammad ball had to come out of the idea tank. It made the manatees very upset. Pull just one idea ball out of the idea tank, and the manatees stop working. He-here, I'll show you. Keith? All right all right, put it back in! Manatees are very ethical writers. Either everything's okay to write about, or nothing is. Anyway, the president of the network wanted you to ...speak with the manatees.
|
| 863 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Oh... yes, yes. Um hello, manatees. I, I think you should allow the network to pull your episode with Mohammad. See, I'm the victim of a, a terrorist attack and... terrorists might come after you if you-
|
| 864 | 10 | 4 | Mitchell | That isn't gonna work on them.
|
| 865 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Why not?
|
| 866 | 10 | 4 | Mitchell | Don't you know anything about manatees? They're the only mammals that are completely unmoved by terrorst threats.
|
| 867 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Son of a bitch.
|
| 868 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Let me out of here, kid! Why are you doing this?
|
| 869 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Well well well!
|
| 870 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Cartman!
|
| 871 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Hello, Kyle. Looks like you've run into a little snag in your plan as well.
|
| 872 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | You fat sun of a bitch!
|
| 873 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | You came so close to stopping me, didn't you, Kyle. There was just one thing you didn't count on: that more people besides me hate Family Guy.
|
| 874 | 10 | 4 | Bart | Yeah.
|
| 875 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Well, a lot of people like Family Guy too! Who are you to decide it shouldn't be on the air?!
|
| 876 | 10 | 4 | Bart | Shut up! You shut your fucking face, man! Did it work? Did you scare the network into pulling the episode?
|
| 877 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Not yet! But I've come up with a new plan. I've learned how to make the Family Guy writing staff stop working! As soon as everyone goes on their lunch break, I can sneak back in.
|
| 878 | 10 | 4 | Bart | Cool man!
|
| 879 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Cartman, let me out of this stupid net!!
|
| 880 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Good, Kyle! That's good anger you're showin' there! See that?! That's emotional character development based on what's happening in the storyline! Not at all like Family Guy. Now, if you'll excuse me, Kyle, I've got some idea balls to remove from a manatee tank.
|
| 881 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | WHAT?!
|
| 882 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | I don't understand it. What's wrong with them?
|
| 883 | 10 | 4 | Mitchell | We don't know, Mr. President. They just stopped working.
|
| 884 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | But, nobody took any idea balls out of the tank, did they?
|
| 885 | 10 | 4 | Mitchell | No sir, none of us did.
|
| 886 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | Then why are they refusing to write? I agreed to show Mohammad uncensored! I did what you asked! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??!!
|
| 887 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Sir! Sir! If you don't my saying, I think you asked for this. You gave in to the manatees last week. Now they know all they have to do is refuse to work and they can get whatever they want. You spoiled them by caving in. Now they thnk they can walk all over you. Sir, you are in charge of this network, not them. Maybe it's time you showed them who's in charge.
|
| 888 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | You're right. It's time I stop letting these primadonna manatees tell me what to do! I'm pulling the Mohammad episode, you got that?! And if you all don't want to work tomorrow, you can just find other jobs!! How long before Family Guy's supposed to air?!
|
| 889 | 10 | 4 | Executive | Twenty-five minutes.
|
| 890 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | I gotta hurry!
|
| 891 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | I did it. I... AM... GOD!!!
|
| 892 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Family Guy is going off the air! No more Family Guy for me, mon frère!
|
| 893 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Cartman!! You fucking fatass!
|
| 894 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | How the hell did you get out?
|
| 895 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | That kid and I had a long talk! I told him he was on a slippery slope to becoming a monster like you!
|
| 896 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Aw, God damnit, you gave him one of your gay little speeches, didn't you?!
|
| 897 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | You are NOT KILLING FAMILY GUY!!
|
| 898 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | You're too late, Kyle! The president of the network is pulling the episode! Family Guy is as good as dead!
|
| 899 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | There's still time to tell the network president you're full of CRAP!
|
| 900 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | I can't let you do that!
|
| 901 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Get out of my way or I'll kick your ass!
|
| 902 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Fine, Kyle. I guess it was inevitable. Let this be our final battle. Ow. OW! Stop it! Kyle, that's too hard! Ah! Ugh. Kyle! Stop it!
|
| 903 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Ow. Quit it!
|
| 904 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Ow. Quit it, Kyle! Bleh. Kyle!
|
| 905 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Stop it!
|
| 906 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Ow. Quit it!
|
| 907 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Ow. Quit it, Kyle! Leh- Kyle! Let go- Okay okay come on, time out. Kyle, time out! Time out! Time out. Time in! I d-ow! Uh. Ah. Sh-gah. Okay. Okay. Time out! Kyle t-time out! Time out! Time out! Time out! Time out!
|
| 908 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | No more timeouts, fatass!
|
| 909 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Time out! Time out! Time out, Kyle! Ay! Ay!
|
| 910 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Kyle! Kyle! Get the... Get the- Kyle! Kyle, dude, that was- that was in the balls! Dude, serious- seriously! That was in the balls! No hitting- No hitting in the balls! Kyle! Quit it, Kyle. Give it up, Kyle! Okay... Okay! Okay okay! You win! You win. I give up. Hahaha! I had my fingers crossed.
|
| 911 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Thanks, kid.
|
| 912 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | Network Control! This is the President! I want you to pull the episode.
|
| 913 | 10 | 4 | Woman | What? Mr. President, are you sure?
|
| 914 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | I'm sure. Begin episode jettison sequence 0 2 900.
|
| 915 | 10 | 4 | Computer Voice | Abort System initiated.
|
| 916 | 10 | 4 | Programmer 1 | Awaiting confirmation.
|
| 917 | 10 | 4 | Woman | Mr. President, we need your final approval code.
|
| 918 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | President approval code 0-0-destruct-
|
| 919 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Sir! Mister television executive! Stop!
|
| 920 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | Who are you?
|
| 921 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Listen to me: the little boy who convinced you to pull the episode is a bastard child. He only wants you to pull it because he knows it will be the end of Family Guy forever!
|
| 922 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | The end of Family Guy?
|
| 923 | 10 | 4 | Woman | Mr. President, we need final authorization!
|
| 924 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | Hold on, Julie! What are you talking about, kid?
|
| 925 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Pulling an episode because someone is offended starts a chain reaction. You'll have to pull more and more episodes until the show goes off the air completely. It's what happened to Laverne & Shirley.
|
| 926 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | You mean... the manatees aren't trying to run the network?
|
| 927 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | What manatees??!!
|
| 928 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Go ahead, Mr. President! Continue what you were doing!
|
| 929 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | No! You have to show Mohammad, Mr. President!
|
| 930 | 10 | 4 | Woman | Mr. President, we're awaiting your orders!
|
| 931 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Sir, just think about what you're doing to free speech!
|
| 932 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | No! Think about the people who could get hurt!
|
| 933 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | Ah... I don't know who to listen to!
|
| 934 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Okay, I'll make it easy for you. Pull the Mohammad episode, now!
|
| 935 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | Okay, I'll listen to you. Julie?
|
| 936 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Noo! Wait! You can't listen to him! He's a lying deceitful monster who only wants Family Guy off the air!
|
| 937 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | But he has a gun.
|
| 938 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | You can't do what he wants just because he's the one threatening you with violence!
|
| 939 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Shut up, Kyle!
|
| 940 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | I can't be responsible for people getting hurt. Especially me.
|
| 941 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Yes, people can get hurt. That's how terrorism works. But if you give into that, Doug, you're allowing terrorism to work. Do the right thing here.
|
| 942 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | Give the orders to pull the episode, Mr. President!
|
| 943 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | I shouldn't even be in the office still. It's supposed to be half-day Friday.
|
| 944 | 10 | 4 | Woman | Mr. President, thirty seconds to airtime. What do you want us to do?!
|
| 945 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Do the right thing, Mr. President.
|
| 946 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | How about I allow the episode to air but, just censor out the image of Mohammad again.
|
| 947 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | I wish that was good enough, but if you censor out Mohammad, then soon you'll have to censor out more.
|
| 948 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | No gay speeches, Kyle!
|
| 949 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | If you don't show Mohammad, then you've made a distinction what is okay to poke fun at, and what isn't. Either it's all okay, or none of it is.
|
| 950 | 10 | 4 | Woman | Five seconds, Mr. President!
|
| 951 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Do the right thing. Show Mohammad. Do. The right. Thing.
|
| 952 | 10 | 4 | Woman | Mr. President, we need a decision now!
|
| 953 | 10 | 4 | FOX President | Family Guy goes on air as planned. Uncensored.
|
| 954 | 10 | 4 | Kyle | Yes!
|
| 955 | 10 | 4 | Cartman | No! No, I hate Family Guy!!
|
| 956 | 10 | 4 | Woman | Air it!
|
| 957 | 10 | 4 | Lois | Peter! You got a pink slip at work?
|
| 958 | 10 | 4 | Peter | You think that's bad? Remember the time I got a salmon helmet from Mohammad while wearing a toga?
|
| 959 | 10 | 4 | Peter | Coming Mohammad.
|
| 960 | 10 | 4 | Peter | Wow, a salmon helmet! Thanks!
|
| 961 | 10 | 4 | Peter | Anyway, what were we talking about?
|
| 962 | 10 | 4 | Peter | Oh yeah, my pink slip.
|
| 963 | 10 | 4 | President Bush | Hey, that wasn't bad at all. They just showed Mohammad standin' there, lookin' normal.
|
| 964 | 10 | 4 | An Official | Mr. President, the terrorists are retaliating!
|
| 965 | 10 | 4 | President Bush | What?!
|
| 966 | 10 | 4 | Peter | Or the time I-
|
| 967 | 10 | 4 | SNN anchor | As soon as the image of Mohammad appeared, terrorist leader al-Zawahri announced the retaliation!
|
| 968 | 10 | 4 | Al-Zawahri | We warned you not to show Mohammad- But "Family Guy" did it anyways. So now, here is our retaliation on America!!!
|
| 969 | 10 | 4 | American Male 1 | Hello, I am American.
|
| 970 | 10 | 4 | American Male 2 | I'm American too.
|
| 971 | 10 | 4 | American Male 1 | We like to crap own each other.
|
| 972 | 10 | 4 | President Bush | Hello, I am the President Bush. I will crap on both of you.
|
| 973 | 10 | 4 | American Male 2 | Ugh! We love to crap!
|
| 974 | 10 | 4 | American Female | I'm American. I'm pregnant with a baby, but I'm not married.
|
| 975 | 10 | 4 | American Male 3 | Let's crap.
|
| 976 | 10 | 4 | Jesus | Look at me! I'm Jesus! Would you like me to crap on you, Mr. Bush?
|
| 977 | 10 | 4 | All | Mmm, yummy yummy crap.
|
| 978 | 10 | 4 | Al-Zawahri | Oh yeah, take THAT! We burned you! THAT WAS WAY FUNNIER THAN FAMILY GUY.
|
| 979 | 10 | 5 | Waiter | Hi, welcome to P.F Chang's. How spicy would you like me to make your Chang sauce?
|
| 980 | 10 | 5 | Head Waiter | Chris, the people at Table 3 need their check.
|
| 981 | 10 | 5 | Chris | I know. I'm swamped. I've got no help here!
|
| 982 | 10 | 5 | Head Waiter | Well what about the new waiter?
|
| 983 | 10 | 5 | Chris | The new waiter is useless. And, I think he's high.
|
| 984 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | How spicy would you like your Chang sauce?
|
| 985 | 10 | 5 | Male Diner | Will you just place our order, please?
|
| 986 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Oh man, I have no idea what's goin' on.
|
| 987 | 10 | 5 | Head Waiter | Everything okay here?
|
| 988 | 10 | 5 | Male Diner | Fine, except this towel has been mixing Chang sauce for fifteen minutes. He's clueless!
|
| 989 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Don't call me shoeless! You're shoeless!
|
| 990 | 10 | 5 | Male Diner | Yeah? Well you're a towel!
|
| 991 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | You're a towel!
|
| 992 | 10 | 5 | Head Waiter | All right, that's it! Get out of here! You're fired!
|
| 993 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Yeah!
|
| 994 | 10 | 5 | Head Waiter | Not him, you!
|
| 995 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Awww.
|
| 996 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Aw man, I really screwed up this time. The rent's due at the end of the month, and I don't have any money. I need to shape up and find a new job, quick. But first, maybe I'll get a little high. Wait. Here it goes. Good ideas comin'. Yeah. Hey yeah! I should become a writer! If I just write a book about my life, I can get it published and then make plenty of money to pay rent.
|
| 997 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | A MILLION LITTLE FIBERS
By
Toweleeeie
This is a really good idea...
|
| 998 | 10 | 5 | Publisher 1 | Aha. Mmm. Yes. Yes, I see. Well, that's quite a fascinating story, you being engineered as a towel with a computer chip that determines dryness.
|
| 999 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Yep! And it's all true.
|
| 1000 | 10 | 5 | Publisher 1 | Chapters 4 through 8, however, seem to all be about Doritos Brand Corn Chips.
|
| 1001 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | I guess I could edit those chapters down some.
|
| 1002 | 10 | 5 | Publisher 1 | Don't bother. I'm sorry to tell you this, sir, but nobody's ever going to publish your memoirs.
|
| 1003 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Huh? Why not?
|
| 1004 | 10 | 5 | Publisher 1 | Well, just the small trivial fact that... people aren't interested in autobiographies of towels.
|
| 1005 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Wull yeah, but, maybe people will read my memoirs and like, apply its lessons to their own lives.
|
| 1006 | 10 | 5 | Publisher 1 | No. They won't. Because they're people. And you're a towel.
|
| 1007 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | You're a towel!
|
| 1008 | 10 | 5 | Publisher 1 | No. I'm a big book publisher who's not the least bit interested in your stony memoirs. You're a towel.
|
| 1009 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Now what am I gonna do? I gotta pay rent and I just wasted three weeks writin' my memoirs. It's time for me to stop bein' so irresponsible. I've gotta shape up, focus, an' come up with real solutions to my problems. I'd better get a little high. Oh, maybe I shouldn't.
|
| 1010 | 10 | 5 | Joint | But you have to think of somethin' fast, an' gettin' high makes you smart.
|
| 1011 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | All right, I'll just use my special gettin'-high powers one more time. Hey. Hey, wait a minute. Of course! That's it! Why didn't I think of it before?
|
| 1012 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | All my life I've been a pretty irresponsible towel. person. I thought I was somehow stronger and more immune than other towels. people. This is a really good idea.
|
| 1013 | 10 | 5 | Publisher 2 | Ogh. Oh my God. Uh I could not believe a human being has led this kind of life, Mr...!
|
| 1014 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | McTowelie. Steven McTowelie.
|
| 1015 | 10 | 5 | Publisher 2 | It's heartbreaking passages like this one: "I am a person who often gets hung out to dry by all those around me." I know this company would be honored to publish this book. I just have one small question first. You're not... a towel, are you?
|
| 1016 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | ...No. If I was a towel, why would I be wearin' this hat, an' this fake mustache?
|
| 1017 | 10 | 5 | Publisher 2 | Right, I'm sorry. Well Steveen, if it's all right with you, I'm gonna to get our agents and lawyers on the phone right now. We're in business, sir.
|
| 1018 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | All right!
|
| 1019 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | Thank you so much. Once in a while I come across a book that is sooo honest and sooo moving that it changes my life. "A Million Little Fibers" is the true story about a man who was born in a laboratory. Please welcome author Stevem McTowelie! Steven, when I read your book, I thought to myself, "How can a human being go through all this and still turn out okay?"
|
| 1020 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Well, I guess I'm just an extra-special tow- person.
|
| 1021 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | You talk in your book how you would sometimes have to spend days hung up on a rack. What would that do to you emotionally? You have been through... so much, and I think that people all over America could benefit...
|
| 1022 | 10 | 5 | Her crotch | Oh God, there she goes again, babblin' about people's lives and carryin' on. She hasn't paid any attention to me in years!
|
| 1023 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | ...a life that kept getting up whenever it was down...
|
| 1024 | 10 | 5 | Her crotch | Nobody knows what it's like to be Oprah's minge. All she does is work, never gives her ol' minge a nice rub now and again. A minge needs attention! At least a scratch once in a while!
|
| 1025 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | Well Steven, your book hasn't sold a lot of copies yet, but I have some pretty exciting news for you!
|
| 1026 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Used to be a time when Oprah would play with me night and day. She'd pet me for hours usin' every finger. Now I just sit here, in the dark, not even so much as a pinky! I should write a book! Be much more depressin' than his!
|
| 1027 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | And so, Steven, I'm making your book my official Book of the Month selection!
|
| 1028 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Really? Wow. I'm gonna get super-rich now.
|
| 1029 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | Uh huh, okay. Well listen, maybe we can get her in as a guest on the 19th. All right, is John Travolta available to be a guest the week after that? Okay, that might work better since it's Sweeps Week.
|
| 1030 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Can't take it anymore. All she ever does is work work work, never pays attention to the ol' minge. I'm always trapped in these stuffy pantsuits. I want attention! I'm bloody bored!
|
| 1031 | 10 | 5 | A voice | Oh stop your complainin'! I'm tryin' to sleep back here.
|
| 1032 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Ay, 'oo's that? Is that you, Gary?
|
| 1033 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Yes it's me. You think you've go' it bad? Oprah hasn't paid any attention to me in years.
|
| 1034 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Oh, what do you care? You're just an asshole. I'm a minge! Minges need stimulation.
|
| 1035 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Assholes need stimulation too, you bastard! I want to travel. I want to see Paris. I thought lamp was goin' to get better, but Oprah's always busy. Werkin' and werkin', diyatin' and not diyatin'. I need a pukin' up mounds of chocolate cake or teaspoons of weedgrass.
|
| 1036 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | She's a workaholic. Let's face it: the only way we're ever goin' tuh get any attention is if Oprah doesn't work anymore.
|
| 1037 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Well that'll never happen.
|
| 1038 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Not unless she gets fired.
|
| 1039 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Fired... You got a plan, Mingie?
|
| 1040 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | That bloke on the show today, the one Oprah supported. 'E isn't a bloke at all. 'E's a towel.
|
| 1041 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Ooo. How d'you know?
|
| 1042 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | I'm a minge. Minges know a towel when they hear one. If evidence gets out that Oprah's champion author is a towel, she'll look right foolish. Fans'll start droppin' off by the millions.
|
| 1043 | 10 | 5 | Gary | 'Ow do we get proof?
|
| 1044 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | We get somebody else to do it. The greatest investiga'ive reporter of our time.
|
| 1045 | 10 | 5 | Butler | Mr. Rivera.
|
| 1046 | 10 | 5 | Geraldo | What is it, Dimitri?
|
| 1047 | 10 | 5 | Dimitri | There's somebody on the phone to speak with you. He says he has inside information for you that may discredit Oprah Winfrey.
|
| 1048 | 10 | 5 | Geraldo | Thith ith Geraldo.
|
| 1049 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | 'Allo 'Eraldo. I've got some information for you ya might find interestin'. It could make Oprah Winfrey look quite foolish.
|
| 1050 | 10 | 5 | Geraldo | Who am I thpeaking with?!
|
| 1051 | 10 | 5 | Gary | 'E wants to know who 'e's speakin' with.
|
| 1052 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Let's just say I work very closely with Oprah. You'd like to see 'er discredited, wouldn't ya?
|
| 1053 | 10 | 5 | Geraldo | What information do you have?
|
| 1054 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | What'd 'e say?
|
| 1055 | 10 | 5 | Gary | He wants to know what information we have.
|
| 1056 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Just tell me wha' 'e says, Gary! Don't wait for me 'o ask you "wha' 'e say?"!
|
| 1057 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Stop wastin' my time.
|
| 1058 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Ay, don't get snooty with me, Gary!
|
| 1059 | 10 | 5 | Gary | I didn't say "stop wastin' my time," Geraldo did.
|
| 1060 | 10 | 5 | Geraldo | What ith going on here?!
|
| 1061 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Oh all right Gary, this isn't workin'. Let's switch. I'll listen and you talk.
|
| 1062 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Hallo?
|
| 1063 | 10 | 5 | Geraldo | Who ith thith?
|
| 1064 | 10 | 5 | Gary | This is Gary.
|
| 1065 | 10 | 5 | Geraldo | Gary who?! What is your last name?!
|
| 1066 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Don't give away your name. We don't want anyone to know where we are.
|
| 1067 | 10 | 5 | Gary | A'right, look. All you need to know is that I'm definitely not Oprah's asshole.
|
| 1068 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Aw you stupid twit!!
|
| 1069 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Don't call me a twit, Geraldo!
|
| 1070 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | He didn't call you "stupid twit," I did!! Now just tell 'im this:
|
| 1071 | 10 | 5 | Gary | The writer of the book on Oprah's Book of the Month Club is a phonih. He's not a person at all. He's a towel.
|
| 1072 | 10 | 5 | Geraldo | A towel? A talking towel? That doethn't make any thenthe.
|
| 1073 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Tell 'im 'e'd be surprised at things that can talk.
|
| 1074 | 10 | 5 | Gary | You'd be surprised at things that can talk.
|
| 1075 | 10 | 5 | Geraldo | What proof do you have of this accusation?!
|
| 1076 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Just look into the author of "A Million Little Fiyabers," and you'll discover the truth.
|
| 1077 | 10 | 5 | Geraldo | And how do I go about that? Hello? HELLO?!
|
| 1078 | 10 | 5 | Announcer | This is Larry King Live.
|
| 1079 | 10 | 5 | Larry King | My guest tonight is Steven McTowelie, author of the acclaimed book, "A Million LIttle Fibers." How are you tonight, Steven?
|
| 1080 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Well Larry, I'm a little high.
|
| 1081 | 10 | 5 | Larry King | Your book has helped a lot of people beat addiction. What made you write it?
|
| 1082 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Well Larry, I was... really just writin' down my memoirs as I-
|
| 1083 | 10 | 5 | Larry King | What? What's that? Oh ex- oh excuse me, Steven, I understand that we have a special report coming in. Joining us live from Afghanistan, here is Geraldo Rivera.
|
| 1084 | 10 | 5 | Geraldo | Hello? Larry, are you receiving me?
|
| 1085 | 10 | 5 | Larry King | We're here, Geraldo. You're live on the show.
|
| 1086 | 10 | 5 | Geraldo | Larry, this brave reporter has been days investigating and researching, and I have come up with a shocking discovery that is going to rock the balls and ass of the literary world! Steven McTowelie, author of "A Million LIttle Fibers," is a towel!
|
| 1087 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | You're a towel.
|
| 1088 | 10 | 5 | Geraldo | No, you're a towel.
|
| 1089 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Well you're a beaner towel.
|
| 1090 | 10 | 5 | Geraldo | What did you say??
|
| 1091 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | I'm sorry. I'm high.
|
| 1092 | 10 | 5 | Aide 1 | This looks pretty bad, Oprah.
|
| 1093 | 10 | 5 | Aide 2 | Your fans look to you to be all-knowing and all-seeing, and you've just spent two weeks supporting a lying racist towel.
|
| 1094 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | 'E did it, Gary! 'Eraldo got the proof!
|
| 1095 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Oprah's got egg all over her face! She'll have to retire!
|
| 1096 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | It's the beginning of a new life for us, Gary. Without 'er career 'o worry about, Oprah's sure to travel the world! Enjoy the finer things in life! She'll spend hours just ... playin' with 'er own minge!
|
| 1097 | 10 | 5 | Gary | And her Gary too.
|
| 1098 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Sure. And 'er Gary. We did it, mate!
|
| 1099 | 10 | 5 | Aide 2 | Oprah, we need to know what we're going to do.
|
| 1100 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | What's the big deal? His book helped people. Why does it matter than he made some stuff up? Are people really going to be that mad?
|
| 1101 | 10 | 5 | Protester 1 | Your book got me to give up alcohol! But I thought you were a person!
|
| 1102 | 10 | 5 | Protester 2 | Yeah, we want our money back, you dumb towel!
|
| 1103 | 10 | 5 | Latino Protesters | ¡No insultar Mexicanos! ¿Oye? ¡No insultar Mexicanos! ¿Oye?
|
| 1104 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Oh God, I'm really in trouble now. Hello?
|
| 1105 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | Steven, it's Oprah. Can you come on my show again tomorrow?
|
| 1106 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Why?
|
| 1107 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | We need to tell the audience why you changed some of the facts in your book; that you thought it necessary to "heighten" certain things to make the book more relevant to people.
|
| 1108 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Hey yeah.
|
| 1109 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | Just come on the show and explain in a very level-headed way that changing some facts shouldn't matter if the book helps people, okay?
|
| 1110 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Okay. Thanks Oprah! You're a real friend.
|
| 1111 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | See you tomorrow.
|
| 1112 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | All right, I got one chance here. I need to focus and come up with what I'm gonna say. Maybe I should get a little high. No! Wait a minute! I'm not going to get high this time.
|
| 1113 | 10 | 5 | Joint | Aw, come on. You need to come up with ideas of what to say on Oprah.
|
| 1114 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | But, the ideas I come up with when I'm high keep gettin' me in trouble.
|
| 1115 | 10 | 5 | Joint | Yeah. That's why you should only get a little high.
|
| 1116 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Well, maybe just a little high.
|
| 1117 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | Today my guest is once again Steven McTowelie, whose memoirs many of you purchased after I made it my Book of the Month Selection.
|
| 1118 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Ya hear that, Gary? Nobody's applaudin'!
|
| 1119 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Yeah! They're all right pissed off! This is great!
|
| 1120 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | Now, it turns out that your name isn't really Steven. It's Towelie, correct?
|
| 1121 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Yeah.
|
| 1122 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | And you are a towel.
|
| 1123 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Yes, I'm pretty much a towel, Oprah.
|
| 1124 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | Can you explain to the audience why you said you weren't a towel before?
|
| 1125 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Well Oprah, I was all, like, um... uh, woo dat all like... It's like...
|
| 1126 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | Was it that you thought embellishing the story was okay if it helped people?
|
| 1127 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Yeah. Yeah, that's it!
|
| 1128 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | Well you know what I think, Towelie? I think you're a LYING SACK OF SHIT! You lied to all these people, and for what??!! To make money!! They bought your book thinking it was true!!
|
| 1129 | 10 | 5 | Man 1 | That's right!
|
| 1130 | 10 | 5 | Man 2 | Yeah.
|
| 1131 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | But I thought you said-
|
| 1132 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | How DARE you like to me and make me look foolish?!
|
| 1133 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | What's this? What's she doin'?
|
| 1134 | 10 | 5 | Gary | I don't understand, Mingie.
|
| 1135 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | You think writing is a joke, you stupid towel?!
|
| 1136 | 10 | 5 | Man 3 | Yeah, you you get him, Oprah!
|
| 1137 | 10 | 5 | Audience | Yeah!
|
| 1138 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | You will not get away with this!
|
| 1139 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | She's getting everyone back on 'er side! Oh, tha' clever cow!
|
| 1140 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | You lied to me, Towelie! And therefore you have lied to America! We are going to rise up against you! Is this audience ready for a good old-fashioned lynching?!
|
| 1141 | 10 | 5 | Audience | Yeah!
|
| 1142 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Huh?
|
| 1143 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | Audience, if you look under your seats, you'll find your very own torches!
|
| 1144 | 10 | 5 | Audience | Whoa.
|
| 1145 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Minge, does this mean I have to wait to see Paris?
|
| 1146 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | There's not gonna be any Paris! Don't you get it, Gary?! The fat cow get everyone on 'er side again! She'll be workin' more than ever now! Our plan is ruined!
|
| 1147 | 10 | 5 | Gary | No!
|
| 1148 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | We'll give you a five-second headstart. One. Two.
|
| 1149 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Hoooo!
|
| 1150 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | Let's get him!
|
| 1151 | 10 | 5 | Woman | Burn him! Burn the towel!
|
| 1152 | 10 | 5 | Man 4 | Burn that which lies to Oprah!
|
| 1153 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | Looks like your time is up, Towelie! I've led my adoring fans RIGHT to you!
|
| 1154 | 10 | 5 | Man 5 | All right Oprah!
|
| 1155 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | I've shown my fans that... ugh! Ow! Wha??
|
| 1156 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | All right! Everyone back! Get back I said!
|
| 1157 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | What the hell is this??!!
|
| 1158 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt!
|
| 1159 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Mingie, what're you doin'?
|
| 1160 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Gettin' ou'a here Gary! One way or another!
|
| 1161 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | What is going on??!!
|
| 1162 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Shut up! Shut up, you miserable old cow, or so help me I'll blow your brains out! I want a chooper! You got that?! And a jet waiting at the airport!
|
| 1163 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Mingie, have you lost your mind?
|
| 1164 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Come on, Gary! You always said you wanted to see Paris!
|
| 1165 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Not like this, Mingie. Not like this!
|
| 1166 | 10 | 5 | Officer | All right, gig is up. Put down the gun!
|
| 1167 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Stay back, mate!
|
| 1168 | 10 | 5 | Officer | Drop the gun and step away.
|
| 1169 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | I'm warnin' you!
|
| 1170 | 10 | 5 | Officer | Put it down, I said- Augh! Gawhh
|
| 1171 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Jesus Minge! You killed him! You shot him dead!
|
| 1172 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | No turnin' back now, Gary.
|
| 1173 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Oh God, I think I'm goinna be sick eh.
|
| 1174 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Oh keep your head, Gary.
|
| 1175 | 10 | 5 | Gary | I can't, uh... I'm goinna puke!
|
| 1176 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Ah, Gary, that smells awful! Now I'm gonna throw up! Try to leave and I'll shoot you too! You hostages aren't goin' anywhere till we get what we want!
|
| 1177 | 10 | 5 | Man 6 | Oh my God, what are we goinna do?
|
| 1178 | 10 | 5 | Man 7 | You got us into this, towel. Think of somethin'!
|
| 1179 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | All right, I'm gonna get a little high. No! No I'm NOT gonna get high! Every time I get high, I come up with ideas that get me in more trouble. I'm not gettin' high this time!
|
| 1180 | 10 | 5 | Geraldo | I'm standing in the business district of central Chicago, where Oprah's vagina has killed a police officer and taken several people hostage. It is yet unconfirmed but believed that Oprah's asshole may be an accomplice in this as well.
|
| 1181 | 10 | 5 | SWAT Officer 1 | Got the walkie-talkie you asked for.
|
| 1182 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Put it underneath me. Slowly, mate, slowly! Now back off. All right, Gary, squeeze the walkie button. This is Oprah's minge!
|
| 1183 | 10 | 5 | Lt. Nelson | Hellow, I'm Lieutenant Nelson. What are your demands?
|
| 1184 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | I want a chopper, and a jet waiting at the airport to take us to France! Plus we need some fresh knickers right away.
|
| 1185 | 10 | 5 | Lt. Nelson | All right, how about fresh underwear for one hostage.
|
| 1186 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | I'm not playing games with you, mate! Gary's drownin' in his own sick!
|
| 1187 | 10 | 5 | Lt. Nelson | All right, we'll work on it. Don't do anything foolish. We don't have any time; this is the most unstable vagina I've ever talked to.
|
| 1188 | 10 | 5 | SWAT Officer 2 | O'Reilly, you got a shot?
|
| 1189 | 10 | 5 | O'Reilly | I got it.
|
| 1190 | 10 | 5 | Lt. Nelson | Not with those hostages so close! It's too risky!
|
| 1191 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Oh just put down the gun, Mingie. Maybe they'll go easy on us.
|
| 1192 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Don't be stupid, Gary. I've got a policeman. They'll fry me, lock you up for life.
|
| 1193 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Aw Mingie, I'm soo scared.
|
| 1194 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | We're gonna get out of here, mate. Just leave it to me.
|
| 1195 | 10 | 5 | SWAT Officer 3 | Oprah's vagina, this is your last warning! Put down the gun!
|
| 1196 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | If that chopper isn't here in two minutes, I'm killin' a hostage!
|
| 1197 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Hey wait a minute. Pssst!
|
| 1198 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | I mean it! Hostages are gonna start dyin' if you don't listen!
|
| 1199 | 10 | 5 | SWAT Officer 4 | Hostages are clear!
|
| 1200 | 10 | 5 | Lt. Nelson | All right, that's it. Take it out!
|
| 1201 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | AAAAaaah!
|
| 1202 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | What the? Haha! You missed me, you stewpid buggers! You see that Gary? They can't even aim!
|
| 1203 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Min... Mingie.
|
| 1204 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Gary, what's, what's wrong?
|
| 1205 | 10 | 5 | Gary | They got me, Mingie.
|
| 1206 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | No... Oh no!
|
| 1207 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Aye. They got me bad. Oh, the blood.
|
| 1208 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Try to hang on, Gary!
|
| 1209 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Ih... It's gettin' dark, Minge.
|
| 1210 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Oh Gary! What have I gotten ya into?
|
| 1211 | 10 | 5 | Gary | I've seen muh life flash before me eyes. Mingie!
|
| 1212 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | I'm 'ere, Gary!
|
| 1213 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Where... where are we, Mingie? Are we in Paris?
|
| 1214 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Yeah. Yeah, we're in Paris, mate.
|
| 1215 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Ahhh... Is it as wonderful as I 'oped?
|
| 1216 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Ih, it's beautiful. We've finally made it!
|
| 1217 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Tell me what you see, Mingie.
|
| 1218 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Well, there's the... Eiffel Tower right in front of us. The Louvre, right over there behind ya. And f-fresh baguettes all around.
|
| 1219 | 10 | 5 | Gary | Ahhh... I can smell them, Mingie. At least I got to see Paris before I-
|
| 1220 | 10 | 5 | Mingie | Gary? Gary, say somethin'. You killed him, you bastards! He didn't even want any part in this! This is all your fault, you stupid cow! You never gave your ol' Gary the time of day and now he's gone! Life ain't worth livin' any more! What's the use?! ...I'm comin' to see you, Gary! I'm comin' to see ya!
|
| 1221 | 10 | 5 | Oprah | No! Don't!
|
| 1222 | 10 | 5 | Lt. Nelson | Oprah's going to be okay. Wish I could say the same for her vagina and asshole.
|
| 1223 | 10 | 5 | Detective | That's a great idea you had to sneak the hostages inside the bank.
|
| 1224 | 10 | 5 | Man 7 | Yeah, it sure was. We're sorry we tried to burn you and murder you before.
|
| 1225 | 10 | 5 | Towelie | Aw, that's okay. This whole thing was my fault. I learned that I shouldn't get high to come up with ideas. I should come up with ideas and then get high, to reward myself.
|
| 1226 | 10 | 5 | Joint | Youuu said it.
|
| 1227 | 10 | 6 | Mr. Mackey | M'kay, students, we have a very special guest speaker today. Who can tell me the name of our country's last vice-president?
|
| 1228 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Dick Cheney?
|
| 1229 | 10 | 6 | Mr. Mackey | No, the last one.
|
| 1230 | 10 | 6 | Butters | Bill Clinton.
|
| 1231 | 10 | 6 | Mr. Mackey | No, Clinton's vice-president. He is here today to talk to you students about some very serious issues. Please welcome Al Gore.
|
| 1232 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Who?
|
| 1233 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Thank you, Mr. Mackey, students of South Park Elementary.. I'm here to educate you about the single biggest threat to our planet. You see, there is something out there which threatens our very existence and may be the end of the human race as we know it. I'm talking of course about... ManBearPig.
|
| 1234 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | ManBearPig?
|
| 1235 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | It is a creature which roams the earth alone. It is half man, half bear, and half pig. Some people say that ManBearPig isn't real. Well, I'm here to tell you know, ManBearPig is very real, and he most certainly exists. I'm serial. ManBearPig doesn't care who you are or what you've done. ManBearPig simply wants to get you! I'm super-serial. But have no fear, because I am here to save you! And someday, when the world is rid of ManBearPig, everyone will say "Thank you, Al Gore. You're super awesome." The end.
|
| 1236 | 10 | 6 | Mr. Mackey | Uhhh, ohhhkay, thank you Mr. Gore.
|
| 1237 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Thank you, class. Excelsior!
|
| 1238 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | Check out this sweet move. Kyle, you can't block like that.
|
| 1239 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Just play the game, fatass!
|
| 1240 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Pass it to me, Cartman?
|
| 1241 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | Hang on. I'm going to do something killer. God damnit, stop it, Kyle!
|
| 1242 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | All right, check it out. This is a total Kobe Bryant I'm about to do.
|
| 1243 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Just take a shot or pass the ball, asshole! It's getting late!
|
| 1244 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | Let's just see who gets the ball this time, Jewboy! Kyle, knock it off!
|
| 1245 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Cartman, stop hogging the goddamned ball!
|
| 1246 | 10 | 6 | Beast | FOOD! Don't worry, it's not really ManBearPig. It's me, Al Gore.
|
| 1247 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | We know.
|
| 1248 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | Dude, what are you doing?
|
| 1249 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | I'm spreading ManBearPig awareness. Here, each of you kids take a pamphlet and a bumper sticker. I hope now you boys see that this is totally serial. The next time, it could be the "real" ManBearPig. Can I just get you to sign the awareness sheet? Just your name and phone number and where you first heard about ManBearPig?
|
| 1250 | 10 | 6 | Randy | Uhh, Stan?
|
| 1251 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Oh, hey Dad.
|
| 1252 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Hello.
|
| 1253 | 10 | 6 | Randy | It's ah, getting late, boys. Why don't you get in the car and I'll drive you all home?
|
| 1254 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Okay, Mr. Marsh.
|
| 1255 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Be safe.
|
| 1256 | 10 | 6 | Randy | Boys, I don't want you hanging out with that ex vice-president anymore, okay?
|
| 1257 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Aw, he's all right, Dad. He was just trying to warn us about ManBearPig.
|
| 1258 | 10 | 6 | Randy | ManBearPig?
|
| 1259 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | He's half man and half bearpig
|
| 1260 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | No, dude, he's half man and half bear and half pig.
|
| 1261 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | That doesn't make any sense.
|
| 1262 | 10 | 6 | Stan | He could be half bear, half manpig.
|
| 1263 | 10 | 6 | Randy | Boys, there's no such thing as a ManBearPig. The vice president is just desperate for attention.
|
| 1264 | 10 | 6 | Stan | But I feel kind of bad for him, Dad. I don't think he has any friends.
|
| 1265 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Hello?
|
| 1266 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Hello, this is Al Gore.
|
| 1267 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Oh man... Hi Mr. Gore.
|
| 1268 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | I was the vice president.
|
| 1269 | 10 | 6 | Stan | I know.
|
| 1270 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Can you and your friends make it to an emergency ManBearPig meeting tomorrow morning? I have some evidence he could be in this area.
|
| 1271 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Eh look, I'm sorry but, we're all kind of busy.
|
| 1272 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Oh. I get it. You don't believe me either.
|
| 1273 | 10 | 6 | Stan | No, no, it's not that.
|
| 1274 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Yes it is. Nobody believes me! I'm trying to warn everybody and nobody takes me serial! I just want somebody in the world to take me serial just for once.
|
| 1275 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Ih it's okay, Mr. Gore, I, I believe you.
|
| 1276 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | No you don't.
|
| 1277 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Yeah, I'm sure ManBearPig needs to be stopped. I'm just... I'm just scared that I can't do anything to stop him.
|
| 1278 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Are you serial?
|
| 1279 | 10 | 6 | Stan | ...Yes, I'm serial.
|
| 1280 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Don't worry! We CAN stop him! Bring everyone you can to my ManBearPig meeting tomorrow at 8 a.m. sharp!
|
| 1281 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | Dude, why are we going to hang out with this guy?
|
| 1282 | 10 | 6 | Kenny | (Yeah, I don't get it.)
|
| 1283 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Come on, you guys, Al Gore doesn't have any friends. We'll just make an appearance at his little meeting and then we'll go.
|
| 1284 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Hi kids! Come on in! Okay, let's get this meeting started. What do you kids think we should do to stop ManBearPig?
|
| 1285 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Yyeah, you know, Mr. Gore, uh, my dad's a geologist, and he said that ManBearPig probably isn't in Colorado.
|
| 1286 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | What does your dad look like?? Does he have large hooves where his feet should be??
|
| 1287 | 10 | 6 | Stan | NO.
|
| 1288 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Damn. For a minute there, I thought we found him.
|
| 1289 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Well, this was a great meeting. Wasn't it, guys? But, we gotta get goin' to school now.
|
| 1290 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Oh my God! ManBearPig screen active! What is this area of Colorado! It's a it's a cave of some kind!
|
| 1291 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Yeah, that's Cave of the Winds. It's a tourist attraction.
|
| 1292 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Oh Jesus on ice skates, we've gotta get down there right away.
|
| 1293 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | Ah I don't think so, dude.
|
| 1294 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Yeah, we've got school anyway.
|
| 1295 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | I can get you all excused from school.
|
| 1296 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | You... have that kind of power?
|
| 1297 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Look! You boys have a chance to help me find and kill ManBearPig once and for all! I'm totally serial!
|
| 1298 | 10 | 6 | Tour Guide | Hello everyone, welcome to Cave of the Winds. Our tour is gonna take us to two chambers in one of the most elaborate cavern systems in Colorado. Before we get started I do understand we have a special guest in our group today: the ex vice president, Mr. Al Gore. Mr. Gore asked me to make sure you all knew he was here. Now, once we enter the cave we do ask you that you follow two rules: stay on the path and do not touch anything. Aright, are we ready?
|
| 1299 | 10 | 6 | Group | Yeah.
|
| 1300 | 10 | 6 | Tour Guide | Let's go cavin'.
|
| 1301 | 10 | 6 | Tour Guide | Here we are in the main chamber of the cave; it was discovered in 1892 and first used as a hideout for smugglers of the Old West.
|
| 1302 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Have you noticed high deposits of sulfur or a salmon-like odor coming from the caves lately?
|
| 1303 | 10 | 6 | Tour Guide | Ahh, no. Now, as you can see, the cave is filled with stalagmites and stalactites. Water drips from the cave's...
|
| 1304 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | All right, kids, I need you to keep an eye out for ManBearPig droppings.
|
| 1305 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | What do ManBearPig droppings look like?
|
| 1306 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Similar to pig droppings, but more manbearlike.
|
| 1307 | 10 | 6 | Tour Guide | These rocks often make interesting shapes which we like to name. For instance, this one here we named "The Hanging Mushroom." And over here we have "Man With Helmet and Two Bowling Balls." And finally, of course, the "Two Sisters." Now the cave itself is millions of years old and has a constant temperature of 57 degrees.
|
| 1308 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Groan! Groan!
|
| 1309 | 10 | 6 | Tour Guide | Sir? Mr. Gore? Is there a problem?
|
| 1310 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Not yet.
|
| 1311 | 10 | 6 | Tour Guide | All right, everyone, if you'll step this way, you'll see how the cave gets its name.
|
| 1312 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Kids! Kids, over here! Look.
|
| 1313 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | What?
|
| 1314 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | I bet this is where he's hiding. This looks like ManBearPig Central. Come on! Come on! This is where ManBearPig is! I'm serial!
|
| 1315 | 10 | 6 | Tour Guide | In certain areas of the cave, the wind actually blows through, causing a sound you can hear.
|
| 1316 | 10 | 6 | Group | Wow...
|
| 1317 | 10 | 6 | Woman | Take a picture of the sound, Steven.
|
| 1318 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Mr. Gore, I I think we should stay with the tour group.
|
| 1319 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Wait! Shhh. Christ! He's here! Take this rope! Be ready to tie him up! I've got you now, you son of a bitch!
|
| 1320 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | What are you doing?!
|
| 1321 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Oh no!
|
| 1322 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | No!
|
| 1323 | 10 | 6 | The Boys | Aaaah!
|
| 1324 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Leave them alone, you Goddamned ManBearPig!
|
| 1325 | 10 | 6 | The Boys | Help!
|
| 1326 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Damn you ManBearPig! They're just children!
|
| 1327 | 10 | 6 | Tour Guide | O-kay, everyone, out of the cave. Now! Go! Go! Go out, now!
|
| 1328 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Hello?
|
| 1329 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Help!
|
| 1330 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | We're trapped in here!
|
| 1331 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | Somebody get us some help down hyah!
|
| 1332 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Hello, help!
|
| 1333 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | Hello??
|
| 1334 | 10 | 6 | Kenny | (Hello!)
|
| 1335 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Help!
|
| 1336 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Forget it! They can't hear us!
|
| 1337 | 10 | 6 | Kenny | (What are we gonna do??)
|
| 1338 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | You'd better get us out of here, asshole!
|
| 1339 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Me??
|
| 1340 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | You just had to go and be nice to Al Gore! Now we're trapped in a cave!
|
| 1341 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Maybe there's another way out of here.
|
| 1342 | 10 | 6 | Kenny | (Oh, no kidding.)
|
| 1343 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | A-all right, let's split up and look for a passageway. E-everyone take a different direction. Oh man, we're in big trouble here.
|
| 1344 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | This is... bullcrap! If I'm thin- I'm gonna be so... pissed off! Goddammit!
|
| 1345 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | You see anything, Kenny??
|
| 1346 | 10 | 6 | Kenny | (No, nothing!)
|
| 1347 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Cartman?? Cartman, you see anything??
|
| 1348 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | No, nothing No, nothing here! Nothing this way! Tr... treasure.
|
| 1349 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Cartman, you okay?? You need help??
|
| 1350 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | I'm fine! This way is just a... dead end! Coming back to you now!
|
| 1351 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | It looks like we're completely sealed in.
|
| 1352 | 10 | 6 | Kenny | (Yeah, No shit.)
|
| 1353 | 10 | 6 | Stan | There's a small passageway about 200 yards over there, but... it goes for a long long way and it's pretty steep.
|
| 1354 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Maybe we should go for it.
|
| 1355 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | You guys go on ahead. I'm gonna... stay here, wait it out.
|
| 1356 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Why?
|
| 1357 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | I just... I I don't feel very good. I'll just wa-, I'll just weigh you guys down.
|
| 1358 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Cartman's right. First rule of survival is stay put and wait to be rescued.
|
| 1359 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | No, it's okay. You guys go on ahead.
|
| 1360 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | No, we'll stay here too. If we start wandering off, we're gonna get lost or killed. Let's just wait here and hope help comes soon.
|
| 1361 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | That's cool. I just... I just wouldn't go over there if I were you guys. I just took a huge dump.
|
| 1362 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Aw, dude!
|
| 1363 | 10 | 6 | Miner 1 | The cave-in was massive. It has cut off all access in or out. The children are believe to be trapped somewhere in this area.
|
| 1364 | 10 | 6 | Miner 2 | Does anybody know who these kids are?
|
| 1365 | 10 | 6 | Miner 1 | No, nobody seems to knew them. Only that they were in the tour group. Digging to them is going to take days.
|
| 1366 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Excuse me, Excuse me. This cave-in was no accident, and it isn't going to stop unless we move fast! I am super... duper... serial!
|
| 1367 | 10 | 6 | Miner 1 | What do you mean? The cave-in is over.
|
| 1368 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | I'm afraid you have a much bigger problem than a cave-in.
|
| 1369 | 10 | 6 | Miner 1 | What's that?
|
| 1370 | 10 | 6 | Fireman | What is that, a pigbearman?
|
| 1371 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | No, stupid! It's ManBearPig!
|
| 1372 | 10 | 6 | Stan | I'm sooo hungry. Do you think people even know we're here?
|
| 1373 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | They saw us on the tour. Dude, where do you keep going, Cartman?
|
| 1374 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | I just... n-need to keep taking a crap. I got diarrhea, really bad.
|
| 1375 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Dude, it's bad enough we have to sit here without you taking a crap every ten minutes!
|
| 1376 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Let's just try to sleep. Maybe help will come tomorrow.
|
| 1377 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | All that treasure. It's all mine! So long as these greedy assholes don't find out about it! You would all just looove to get your hands on my treasure, wouldn't you?! Even though I found it, you'd love to think it's somehow yours, too! God, I hate you guys! Especially you, you money-grubbing snake in the grass! Well I have news for you, Kyle! You're never going to get my treasure. I've got a little plan going, to get the treasure out of here without you ever knowing.
|
| 1378 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | C-Cartman?
|
| 1379 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | Oh. Hey Kyle. How's it goin'?
|
| 1380 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Dude, what are you doing?
|
| 1381 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | Not much. You know, just hangin' out. How've you been, man? Good?
|
| 1382 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Dude, get away from me!
|
| 1383 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | Yeah. It's nice talking with you, Kyle. See you around.
|
| 1384 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Why won't anybody listen to me?! ManBearPig is in there and we have to kill him while we all have the chance. I'm serial!
|
| 1385 | 10 | 6 | Miner 3 | Mr. Gore, please, we need you to calm down. Now, w-what exactly do you suggest we do?
|
| 1386 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | I told you we need to fill the cave with hot molten lead, 'cause it's the only way to make sure ManBearPig never comes out! And I'm sane and I'm totally serial, but everyone just keeps digging!
|
| 1387 | 10 | 6 | Miner 3 | Well, see, the problem is that if we fill the caves with hot molten lead, it will kill those boys too.
|
| 1388 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | They're already dead! Didn't you listen to me?? They got attacked by a ManBearPig and ManBearPig leaves nobody alive! I'm super serial! Nobody will listen to me but I'm serial!
|
| 1389 | 10 | 6 | Police Officer | Do you want me to get the ex vice president out of here?
|
| 1390 | 10 | 6 | Miner 2 | Naw, I f- I feel kind of bad for him. I don't think he has any friends.
|
| 1391 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | All right. Gotta be strong. There's still a lot more treasure to go.
|
| 1392 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Dude, he's really sick.
|
| 1393 | 10 | 6 | HBC Reporter | It's been three days since four unidentified children were trapped in a cave-in. Three days without food and time is certainly running out. The digging continues, but progress is fatally slow.
|
| 1394 | 10 | 6 | Miner 1 | All right, people, we've gotta work faster! Our best estimate still puts us three days from reaching the area of the cave called Smuggler's Den.
|
| 1395 | 10 | 6 | Ranger | Smuggler's Den?
|
| 1396 | 10 | 6 | Tour Guide | Ih it's a room near the end of the tour where you can get your picture taken with fake treasure. Here, see?
|
| 1397 | 10 | 6 | Miner 1 | Based on where the boys were seen last, they're somewhere near this area! Hopefully they've followed the first rule of survival and stayed put.
|
| 1398 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Stan! Stan, wake up!
|
| 1399 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Huh? What? Have they come for us?
|
| 1400 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | No, it's Cartman. Something's really wrong with him.
|
| 1401 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | Meh, meuh urgh. Mbeuh.
|
| 1402 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Oh my God. Cartman? Dude, can you hear me?
|
| 1403 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | I'm fahn. Just a lit- No big deal. Beh.
|
| 1404 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | We can't wait here any longer! Dude, we've gotta get him out of here or he's gonna die.
|
| 1405 | 10 | 6 | Stan | How, dude? We c- we don't even know if that passage I found goes anywhere.
|
| 1406 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Maybe we should get out first. See if we can find a way out and then come back for him.
|
| 1407 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | NO DON'T! Don't leave me here, you assholes. Don't leave me here to die.
|
| 1408 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Come on come on! Pull!
|
| 1409 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Goddamnit, he's soo heavy!
|
| 1410 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | Buh. Hurry you guys. You gotta get me out of here.
|
| 1411 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | What the hell is that??
|
| 1412 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Cartman?
|
| 1413 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | You guys, we've got no time! You gotta get me out!!
|
| 1414 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | This is the end of you, ManBearPig. Excelsior!
|
| 1415 | 10 | 6 | Kenny | (We're almost there!)
|
| 1416 | 10 | 6 | Stan | I can't keep carrying him, dude! I've got no strength!
|
| 1417 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | Yes you do!
|
| 1418 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | What the hell is that? Oh my God.
|
| 1419 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | No! Let me out of here! Let me out of here, you guys!
|
| 1420 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Ruuun!
|
| 1421 | 10 | 6 | Miner 1 | That's it! Pull everyone out! There's nothing more we can do!
|
| 1422 | 10 | 6 | Fireman 2 | You're calling off the rescue?
|
| 1423 | 10 | 6 | Miner 1 | We didn't plan on a freak river flood. God must really want those kids dead.
|
| 1424 | 10 | 6 | Fireman 2 | Well what if the children aren't dead?
|
| 1425 | 10 | 6 | Miner 1 | Look, the cavern is completely flooded. Nothing could have survived. There's nothing left alive down there.
|
| 1426 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Nothing left alive... I did it. I killed ManBearPig. I've saved the earth from certain destruction. Everyone is super-stoked on me, even if they don't know it.
|
| 1427 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Kenny! Here, take my hand! Hurry Kyle, the water's rising!
|
| 1428 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | Grab my hand.
|
| 1429 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Car... Cartman! You've gotta swim! Kick with your legs!
|
| 1430 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | I can't kick!
|
| 1431 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Yes you can!
|
| 1432 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | I can't! Kick yourself back to safety!
|
| 1433 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | I need your help!
|
| 1434 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | No, you just have to save me.
|
| 1435 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Kyle! No!
|
| 1436 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | We are gathered here to say goodbye to four kids whom we all tried to help, but, in the end, could not. But where there is loss, there is hope. For ManBearPig is no more.
|
| 1437 | 10 | 6 | Tour Guide | Oh Jesus, here we go again.
|
| 1438 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | I have beaten ManBearPig, and we will never forget the names of the brave young kids who lost their lives. Kid 1, Kid 2, Kid 3, and of course, Kid 4. I remember how Kid 1 used to laugh and play. And how Kid 2 was always there when I needed him.
|
| 1439 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Agh.
|
| 1440 | 10 | 6 | Miner 4 | Oh my God!
|
| 1441 | 10 | 6 | Miner 1 | It's the kids!
|
| 1442 | 10 | 6 | Miner 4 | They're alive!
|
| 1443 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Kids! I saved you!
|
| 1444 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Just stay away from us, asshole! I was nice to you because I felt sorry for you, because you don't have any friends! But now I see WHY you don't have any friends! You just used ManBearPig as a way to get attention for yourself because you're a LOSER!!
|
| 1445 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Hyeah right. The man who singlehandedly killed ManBearPig is a loser.
|
| 1446 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | We need to get our friend to a hospital right away!
|
| 1447 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | No! No I'm fine! I just need to get home, a-and rest.
|
| 1448 | 10 | 6 | Stan | Cartman, seriously, you need to see a doctor.
|
| 1449 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | Noo! I just need to get to a toilet. See you guys. I... habbeh... HABBEHHHHHHHHHH!
|
| 1450 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | Dude, did Cartman just crap treasure?
|
| 1451 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | It's mine! It's mine, you hear me?! I got it out of the cave; it belongs to me! Keep your greedy hands away!
|
| 1452 | 10 | 6 | Tour Guide 2 | Hey, that looks like the fake treasure from our Smuggler's Den photo room.
|
| 1453 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | That's right, and I... Fake treasure?
|
| 1454 | 10 | 6 | Tour Guide 2 | Yeah, we put it there for kids to take their picture with. All in all, I'd say that treasure is worth about fourteen dollars.
|
| 1455 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | Noo... NOOO!! NOO! OW!
|
| 1456 | 10 | 6 | Kyle | You made us pull you to safety because you ate treasure?! You son of a bitch!
|
| 1457 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | Don't you think I'm hurting enough, Kyle?! Ah, ow!! Dowww!
|
| 1458 | 10 | 6 | Al Gore | Well, my work here is done. I've killed MBP, and now I must save the world from something else. Maybe I'll make a movie. A movie starring me. Then people will take me super-serial.
|
| 1459 | 10 | 6 | Cartman | Eh!
|
| 1460 | 10 | 7 | Mr. Mackey | Mrs. Cartman, we have had it with your son's behavior, mkay?! Little Billy Turner is now being treated at the hospital!
|
| 1461 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Eric, why would you do such a thing?
|
| 1462 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | I'm sorry I handcuffed Billy Turner's ankle to the school flagpole.
|
| 1463 | 10 | 7 | Mr. Mackey | You know that's not the point!
|
| 1464 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Okay, I'm sorry I handcuffed Billy Turner's ankle to a flagpole and then gave him a hacksaw. And then told him I had poisoned his lunch milk and that the only way he could get to the antidote in time would be to saw through his leg.
|
| 1465 | 10 | 7 | Liane | That's very naughty, Eric.
|
| 1466 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Well he called me chubby!
|
| 1467 | 10 | 7 | Mr. Mackey | We have tried at this school to make Eric understand that there are boundaries, mkay?! But frankly, we believe his behavioral problems start at home!
|
| 1468 | 10 | 7 | Liane | I know. I know he's out of control. But... you don't know what it's like. I'm sorry. It's just that... he seems to get worse every day. He just never listens.
|
| 1469 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Well nice goin', asshole! You made my mom cry!
|
| 1470 | 10 | 7 | Liane | It's not him, it's you, Eric. I don't know what to do with you.
|
| 1471 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Sure you do. You're a great mom.Who's got the greatest mom in the world?I dooo.My mom is number one in my heart.It's true!
|
| 1472 | 10 | 7 | Liane and Eric | My mom's the best mom, better than your mom.It's singing together in harmony.
|
| 1473 | 10 | 7 | Mr. Mackey | Mrs. Cartman, I know this is extremely difficult but, there is help out there for people like you. Have you ever heard of a show called Nanny 911?
|
| 1474 | 10 | 7 | Announcer | They're every parent's worst nightmare.
|
| 1475 | 10 | 7 | Girl | Shut up! I hate you! I hate you!
|
| 1476 | 10 | 7 | Announcer | Kids completely out of control.
|
| 1477 | 10 | 7 | Boy | Look, I'm skating, I'm skating!
|
| 1478 | 10 | 7 | Announcer | It's time to call Nanny 911. We've gathered a team of world-class nannies to help families in crisis. Parents of America, help is on the way! Tonight...
|
| 1479 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Mom, I need another energy drink!
|
| 1480 | 10 | 7 | Announcer | This eight year old son of a single parent just won't behave.
|
| 1481 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Wir müssen die Juden ausrotten!!
|
| 1482 | 10 | 7 | Announcer | And Nanny Stella is selected to set him straight.
|
| 1483 | 10 | 7 | Stella | It's time for Nanny Stella to show Eric Cartman his ways are not going to be tolerated anymore!
|
| 1484 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Mom, are you deaf?! Somebody's at the door!
|
| 1485 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Yes. I think it's the nanny, boopsiekins.
|
| 1486 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Killer. I'm gonna be on TV now.
|
| 1487 | 10 | 7 | Stella | Hello. I'm Nanny Stella.
|
| 1488 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Oh, thank you so much for coming. Please come in.
|
| 1489 | 10 | 7 | Stella | And you must be Eric.
|
| 1490 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Mom, I want a Twinkie.
|
| 1491 | 10 | 7 | Liane | All, all right dear.
|
| 1492 | 10 | 7 | Stella | Hold on, Mrs. Cartman. There are going to be some rule changes around here, Eric. First of all, no video games until chores are done.
|
| 1493 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Ha! Hahahahahaha
|
| 1494 | 10 | 7 | Stella | I'm serious. Let's put down the video game and go to the kitchen.
|
| 1495 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | No thanks, I'd rather naught.
|
| 1496 | 10 | 7 | Stella | Right. Then I'm going to have to take it.
|
| 1497 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | The hell do you think you're doing?
|
| 1498 | 10 | 7 | Stella | Come on. This video game is going right here on the counter until we've done some chores. Now, first thing we're going to do is make your bed. Eric, no! This is not acceptable!
|
| 1499 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Stop trying to bogart my Xbox, you fat bitch!
|
| 1500 | 10 | 7 | Stella | All right, that's it! You're going to time-out!
|
| 1501 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Time out?
|
| 1502 | 10 | 7 | Stella | Whenever you are naughty, Eric, you are going to sit on this stool for five minutes.
|
| 1503 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | And what exactly keeps me on the stool?
|
| 1504 | 10 | 7 | Stella | It's the time-out stool. You can't get down until the time is up.
|
| 1505 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Whoa, how did I do that?
|
| 1506 | 10 | 7 | Stella | Eric, you have to stay in time-out!
|
| 1507 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Ummm, no?
|
| 1508 | 10 | 7 | Stella | Come on, you don't have a choice.
|
| 1509 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | All right, seriously, you're starting to piss me off now.
|
| 1510 | 10 | 7 | Stella | Eric, you need to listen to me. This is very important. I am getting down to eye level with Eric so that I can talk to him on his level. Eric, you need to understand why you are being punished. All right?
|
| 1511 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | I'm just gonna get down as soon as you move.
|
| 1512 | 10 | 7 | Stella | Well then, I'll just have to stand right here! Oh! He spit in my mouth!
|
| 1513 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Yeah, it's best to avoid his level.
|
| 1514 | 10 | 7 | Stella | All right! I've dealt with this before! We just need to use psychology on him!
|
| 1515 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Don't stop believing. Hold on to that feeling.
|
| 1516 | 10 | 7 | Stella | Eric, can I just talk to you for a quick second? Why are you so angry?
|
| 1517 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Because you took my Xbox.
|
| 1518 | 10 | 7 | Stella | Is this about more than your video game? Are you feeling angry at me because you think I'm here to change your life?
|
| 1519 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Well, yeah.
|
| 1520 | 10 | 7 | Stella | And you're feeling like I have no right to come in and tell you how to live.
|
| 1521 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Yeah. I guess so.
|
| 1522 | 10 | 7 | Stella | See this? You have to take the time to talk to your children about their feelings. What else are you feeling, Eric?
|
| 1523 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Well, I'm feeling confused, because I don't understand why you became a nanny.
|
| 1524 | 10 | 7 | Stella | Me? Well, it's because I love children, like you.
|
| 1525 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Right, but... if you love children so much, how come you're not a mommy?
|
| 1526 | 10 | 7 | Stella | Oh, I just never had kids.
|
| 1527 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Why not?
|
| 1528 | 10 | 7 | Stella | It... just... didn't happen.
|
| 1529 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | You're sterile, is that it? No, that's too convenient of an excuse. The truth is, nobody ever wanted to have babies with you. Isn't that it? Always the mom's maid and never the mom? Must be hard on you, knowing that the years are ticking away, your friends all getting married and all the while your uterus is slowly shriveling away, drying up, becoming totally worthless.
|
| 1530 | 10 | 7 | Stella | Why you, you... you little bastard! How dare you?!
|
| 1531 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Eric, naughty.
|
| 1532 | 10 | 7 | Stella | What kind of monster would-
|
| 1533 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Yes, let the anger come! Strike me down while you can! But it won't make your dried-up ovaries any more fertile!
|
| 1534 | 10 | 7 | Stella | That's it! I'm not doing this!
|
| 1535 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Oh, but we really need some help.
|
| 1536 | 10 | 7 | Stella | Find yourself another nanny... television show!
|
| 1537 | 10 | 7 | Announcer | Coming up next, it's Super Nanny! Where other nannies fail, Nanny Jo comes through.
|
| 1538 | 10 | 7 | Jo | This child's behavior is totally unacceptable!
|
| 1539 | 10 | 7 | Jo | Well, there's no trial too tough for Super Nanny! In just three days' time you're going to see a new Eric Cartman.
|
| 1540 | 10 | 7 | Doctor | I'm afraid Super Nanny is in a deep state of mental psychosis.
|
| 1541 | 10 | 7 | Liane | What do you mean?
|
| 1542 | 10 | 7 | Doctor | I mean, she spends most of her time sobbing and eating her own excrement.
|
| 1543 | 10 | 7 | Jo | From heeell! It's from heeell!
|
| 1544 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Oh dear. I don't know what else to do about my son's behavioral problems. We've been through every nanny reality show on television.
|
| 1545 | 10 | 7 | Doctor | Well there... is... one more show you could still try.
|
| 1546 | 10 | 7 | Announcer | When good dogs go bad, there's one man who's their best friend. Cesar Millan.
|
| 1547 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | No dog is too much for me to handle. I rehabilitate dogs, I train people. I am the dog wheesperer.
|
| 1548 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Please, come in.
|
| 1549 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | So tell me what are the problems you are having with the child?
|
| 1550 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Well, he's just... out of control. I mean, he never listens to me, and he pretty much runs my life.
|
| 1551 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | So the child needs to learn that he's not the most important person in the house.
|
| 1552 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | You can stop talkin' behind my back; I'm right here, fruitcake.
|
| 1553 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | See I'm not looking at the child, I'm not acknowledging the child, I'm just letting the child know I'm not interested in him.
|
| 1554 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Not interested I'm me?
|
| 1555 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | See the child thinks your world revolves around him, because it does. Because everything he does gets a response from you.
|
| 1556 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Yeah, well I don't see why-
|
| 1557 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Tsst.
|
| 1558 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Hey!
|
| 1559 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Don't look at the child; just keep looking at me. Let, let him know we are having a conversation.
|
| 1560 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Mom, this guy doesn't-
|
| 1561 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Tsst.
|
| 1562 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Ah! Quit it!
|
| 1563 | 10 | 7 | Liane | What what is it that you're doing?
|
| 1564 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Dogs show their dominance by nipping each other on the neck, but it works equally well on a child. I just use two fingers, nip at the child's neck, doesn't hurt the child, just let him know I am dominant.
|
| 1565 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Look, Mexican, if you really think that you can-
|
| 1566 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Tsst.
|
| 1567 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | KNOCK IT OFF!
|
| 1568 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Tsst. See, I'm not validating his bad behavior with either negative or positive response.
|
| 1569 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Oh, that's very interesting.
|
| 1570 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | I think the first thing we need to work on is getting the child some exercise. He's fat and he has all this pent-up energy that-
|
| 1571 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | I'm not fat!
|
| 1572 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Tsst. -we need to let him burn off. Do you take walks with your son?
|
| 1573 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Well, no, I don't.
|
| 1574 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Go on, take your son for a walk.
|
| 1575 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Ey! You think this is funny, you sonofabitch?
|
| 1576 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | See once again, I am the one going for a walk. It's about me, the child is lucky to come along.
|
| 1577 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Mom, this is degrading!
|
| 1578 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Tsst.
|
| 1579 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Agh! Goddamnit! Aaarrgh!
|
| 1580 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Don't look at him, just look straight ahead and he'll run out of evergy soon.
|
| 1581 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Maaaa. Mommm. Mommm.
|
| 1582 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Here, why don't you try it now? Take your son.
|
| 1583 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Mom, seriously, people are seeing me!
|
| 1584 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Good. Just keep your confidence, shoulders back, eyes straight ahead. The child can pick up on that confidence, learning he's supposed to follow you, not lead you.
|
| 1585 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Mom, don't you love me? Can't you see I'm unhappy right now?
|
| 1586 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Tsst.
|
| 1587 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Mom!
|
| 1588 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Good, Ms. Cartman. Very good!
|
| 1589 | 10 | 7 | Announcer | And now, back to the Dog Whisperer.
|
| 1590 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | It is important to understand that dogs run in packs. And one dog is always dominant: the pack leader.
|
| 1591 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | God dammit stop ignoring me!
|
| 1592 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | You must assert yourself as pack leader with dominant energy.
|
| 1593 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Ahall right.
|
| 1594 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | This is abuse! I am a child, and I am entitled to attention!
|
| 1595 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Tsst.
|
| 1596 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Quit it, mom!
|
| 1597 | 10 | 7 | Liane | It doesn't seem to work as well when I do it.
|
| 1598 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Okay, let me show you how to express the dominant energy. What I have done is I have brought over some Kentucky Fried Chicken.
|
| 1599 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Ooo, Colonel?
|
| 1600 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | I am going to eat first, because that is what the pack leader does.
|
| 1601 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Give, give me the chicken. G-give me some chicken.
|
| 1602 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Tsst.
|
| 1603 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Eh, what are you doing? I want chicken! Give me some Goddamned chicken!
|
| 1604 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | I am not going to acknowledge the child's attempt at aggressive dominant behavior. Now you eat the chicken.
|
| 1605 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Mom, gimme, give me some chicken; I want some chicken, Mom!
|
| 1606 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | We won't reward him until he's in a calm submissive behavior.
|
| 1607 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Goddammit, I am not a dog! Give me the chicken. Give, give, give me the chicken. I want the chicken! Chicken! Give me the chicken! Give me the chicken! Give me the chicken! Give me the chicken!
|
| 1608 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | We need him to become relaxed and submissive.
|
| 1609 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Gih- Okay, I'm fine. I'm cool now. May I have some chicken please?
|
| 1610 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Oh, very good, sweetie.
|
| 1611 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Oh no, now he's lying. You can tell from his stance he's still aggressive-dominant.
|
| 1612 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Suck my asshole, taco vendor!
|
| 1613 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | See?
|
| 1614 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Goddamnit, you can't stand here and eat KFC in front of me! Now hand it over!
|
| 1615 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Tsst.
|
| 1616 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | You can't do that to me, I-
|
| 1617 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Tsst.
|
| 1618 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Goddamnit, you just can't-
|
| 1619 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Tsst.
|
| 1620 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Seriously! Ey? Eh...
|
| 1621 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | I am not being aggressive; I am being dominant.
|
| 1622 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Wow, I have a lot to learn.
|
| 1623 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Mom, I am serious! This has gone on long enough! Get that guy out of here and give me a piece of chicken! That's how you want it, bitch?! Fine! I hate you! I'm running away!
|
| 1624 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Oh dear.
|
| 1625 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | It's okay, this is all part of the dominance struggle.
|
| 1626 | 10 | 7 | Liane | But what if he does run away.
|
| 1627 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Let him go. He'll be back. This a good opportunity for you to relax and enjoy your favorite hobby.
|
| 1628 | 10 | 7 | Butters | Oh boy, Park Avenue! I'm rich!
|
| 1629 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Hey guys, I've got some pretty big news. I ran away from home. Yeah, my mom just... doesn't care about me anymore, so I moved out. She didn't even try to stop me. It's gonna be tough livin' on my own. But I'll get by, somehow.
|
| 1630 | 10 | 7 | Stan | You can't stay here.
|
| 1631 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Maybe you didn't hear me! I ran away! I don't have anywhere to sleep! I'm out on the street!
|
| 1632 | 10 | 7 | Kyle | You'er not staying at my house either.
|
| 1633 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | All right, that's fine! Butters, I'll crash with you.
|
| 1634 | 10 | 7 | Butters | No, my parents won't let me bring homeless people home anymore.
|
| 1635 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Well what do you guys expect me to do?! Stay at Kenny's house?! His family's totally poor; I'm not staying with poor people! All right, I'll stay with Kenny. Let's go, man.
|
| 1636 | 10 | 7 | Kenny | (Fuck you.)
|
| 1637 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Och! Well, I guess now we see just how supportive friends can be! When the chips are down you won't even lend a hand! I'll just go sleep on the street somewhere! Out in the cold! Probably get mugged and gang-raped by some minorities! You guys'll be sorry when I turn up dead!
|
| 1638 | 10 | 7 | Butters | Whoopie! G and R Railroad!
|
| 1639 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Hey Jimmy. You're not gonna believe this, but... I ran away from home. I just... I really need the support of my best friend right now.
|
| 1640 | 10 | 7 | Jimmy | Who is your best friend?
|
| 1641 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | You are, Jimmy! We've always been best friends. We know everything about each other.
|
| 1642 | 10 | 7 | Jimmy | What's my last name?
|
| 1643 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Goddammit! Craig, dude, I ran away from home. You're the first person I came to. I knew you'd take me in off the streets.
|
| 1644 | 10 | 7 | Craig | ...But I hate you.
|
| 1645 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | ...Should that really matter at a time like this?
|
| 1646 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | This is bullcrap! Mom'll break soon. I can outlast her.
|
| 1647 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | All right, I'm back.
|
| 1648 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Oh Eric, I'm so happy you're home.
|
| 1649 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Yes, well, hopefully you've learned your lesson! I've come back, but there's going to be some changes around here.
|
| 1650 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Look what I did, Eric. I learned how to make Sumie paintings. I had almost forgotten how artistic I was.
|
| 1651 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | That's super-interesting. But I've been out living in the streets for almost four hours! Make me something to eat.
|
| 1652 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Cesar...
|
| 1653 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | How is the painting going?
|
| 1654 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Aw, Goddammit!
|
| 1655 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Oh look it came back.
|
| 1656 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Yup, just like you said he would.
|
| 1657 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | What is he still doing here?!
|
| 1658 | 10 | 7 | Liane | He said he's hungry. What should I do?
|
| 1659 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Well let's feed it.
|
| 1660 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | What the hell is this?! Skinless chicken, boiled vegetables and salad?! This is just like Auschwitz!
|
| 1661 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | This is more aggressive-dominant behavior. Don't nurture it.
|
| 1662 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Oh my God. Bite-size Snickers? That's it. I'm calling child-protective services!
|
| 1663 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Come on, Ms. Cartman, you must become pack leader. What do you do?
|
| 1664 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Eric, if you don't want to eat then, why don't you go brush your teeth and go to bed?!
|
| 1665 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Nooo, you're asking him a favor. Don't ask a favor, dominate!
|
| 1666 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Mom, I want this guy OUT of here! You got it? If he's not gone, in two minutes, I will call social services on you!
|
| 1667 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | You project the dominant energy and he will pick up on it. I promise. Shoulder back, head high, don't reason with it, don't argue with it, just dominate it.
|
| 1668 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | I am your son, and you will listen to me! You have no right to-
|
| 1669 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Tsst.
|
| 1670 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Mon, know it off! I'm not gonna stand for th-
|
| 1671 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Tsst.
|
| 1672 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Seriously! Mom-
|
| 1673 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Tsst.
|
| 1674 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Seriusly! Why are you... doing this-?
|
| 1675 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Tsst.
|
| 1676 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Mom?!
|
| 1677 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Tsst.
|
| 1678 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Mom? Mom...
|
| 1679 | 10 | 7 | Liane | I did it!
|
| 1680 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | You see? You're calm, assertive, and in control.
|
| 1681 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Oh... Oh my gosh!
|
| 1682 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | See? This is the behavior we've been looking for. This is a relaxed, submissive state.
|
| 1683 | 10 | 7 | Liane | He's never done this before.
|
| 1684 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Good. Now you can reward the behavior with praise and attention.
|
| 1685 | 10 | 7 | Liane | I love you very much, poopsiekins. You're Mommy's sunshine.
|
| 1686 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Now you can give him a snack. Good, this is really good. Now try a command.
|
| 1687 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Eric, I want you to go upstairs and brush your teeth. Then I'll be up to read you a story before bed. Oh my goodness. I can't believe it.
|
| 1688 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | This is a great first step, but you're gonna have to stay firm and confident. You are the pack leader now.
|
| 1689 | 10 | 7 | Liane | I am the pack leader!
|
| 1690 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Now before you go read your son his story let's go enjoy a nice quiet cup of tea.
|
| 1691 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Sounds divine!
|
| 1692 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Who does she think telling me to go brush my teeth?! Jesus. What's happening to me?
|
| 1693 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | So, how is your son doing, Ms. Cartman?
|
| 1694 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Oh, he's been amazing, Cesar. He got an A on his last spelling test and a B+ in history. He's losing weight and he's doing what I tell him.
|
| 1695 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | That's greeat!
|
| 1696 | 10 | 7 | Liane | The best part is I'm not letting him boss me around anymore. I could have never come out and have a nice lunch on a Saturday afternoon with a friend before.
|
| 1697 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Good, Ms. Cartman, sounds like you're treating your son like a son and not like a friend.
|
| 1698 | 10 | 7 | Liane | There's just one problem: he still fights me every step of the way. I feel like he's doing what I tell him, but that inside he's still the same angry spoiled child.
|
| 1699 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Don't worry. When you correct the behavior, eventually you will see a change in the personality.
|
| 1700 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Oh Cesar, I'm so happy to have you in my life.
|
| 1701 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Guys, listen up. I really need your help this time. I've thought about it a lot and I've decided I have to kill my mom.
|
| 1702 | 10 | 7 | Butters | Kill your mom?
|
| 1703 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | She doesn't let me wear whatever I want anymore. Things have really gotten out of hand! My mom must die so I can have a place to live, but without her trying to run my life. She's like Hitler with all the demands she makes.
|
| 1704 | 10 | 7 | Stan | Dude, have you lost more weight?
|
| 1705 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Yes! I've lost almost ten pounds now. You see what I mean?? I totally know how it felt to be a Jew in the Holocaust now! I have to kill my mom. It's my only way out.
|
| 1706 | 10 | 7 | Kyle | Dude, don't kill your mom. That's not cool.
|
| 1707 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | She's Hitler! Would you have killed Hitler if you had the chance?! All right now, here's the plan. At 9:45 tonight I will sneak out of my room and leave the house, leaving the back door unlocked. You guys come into the house at 10:30 p.m. sharp, having given me enough time to get down to Perkins to be seen by everyone there. And then all four of you go upstairs to kill my mom.
|
| 1708 | 10 | 7 | Stan | Dude, we're not killing your mom.
|
| 1709 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Well I can't kill her. I'm too obvious a suspect. Now, when you reach her room, Butters will keep a lookout while Kenny opens the bedroom door, Kyle puts a pillow over my mom's head, and Stan shoots her in the face.
|
| 1710 | 10 | 7 | Stan | Where am I supposed to get a gun?
|
| 1711 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Well I don't know. That's your job, Stan! Do I have to think of everything here?!
|
| 1712 | 10 | 7 | Stan | I'm not shooting anybody.
|
| 1713 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Okay, fine. Butters, you cover my mom's head with a pillow and Kyle can shoot her in the face.
|
| 1714 | 10 | 7 | Kyle | NO, Cartman!
|
| 1715 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Oh! Well how about I do everything?! How does that sound?! I'll just do everything while you guys sit here and play video games?! Fine! I'll do it by myself!
|
| 1716 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | You forced me to do this! You couldn't just love me as a son. You just had to humiliate and degrade me with your rules. I won't let you dominate my life anymore! Goodbye, Mother.
|
| 1717 | 10 | 7 | Cartman's Conscience | Wait. Maybe I don't have the right to kill my mom.
|
| 1718 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | No! She's my mom, I can do whatever I want with her! It's more important that I live the way I want!
|
| 1719 | 10 | 7 | Cartman's Good Side | She isn't an object you can own. She's a human being.
|
| 1720 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | She isn't an object I can own. Sh-she's a human being.
|
| 1721 | 10 | 7 | Cartman's Bad Side | No, she's just... out to make you suffer!
|
| 1722 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Ugh. Eh. Maybe all these changes are good for me. Maybe...
|
| 1723 | 10 | 7 | Cartman's Good Side | The world doesn't revolve around me?
|
| 1724 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Maybe the world doesn't revolve around me.
|
| 1725 | 10 | 7 | Cartman's Good Side | The world doesn't revolve around me!
|
| 1726 | 10 | 7 | Cartman's Bad Side | Idiot!
|
| 1727 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Why Eric, you made your own breakfast.
|
| 1728 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Yeah Mom, it's okay. It's grapefruit and lean han.
|
| 1729 | 10 | 7 | Liane | And you're studying before school?
|
| 1730 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Well, you told me I had to review my homework before class started.
|
| 1731 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Oh, Eric. I'm very proud of you.
|
| 1732 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Tha... thank you?
|
| 1733 | 10 | 7 | Liane | I love you, sweetie.
|
| 1734 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | 'K Mom, you're embarrassing me, jeez.
|
| 1735 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Cesar. I'm so happy you're back.
|
| 1736 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | How is the child doing?
|
| 1737 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Oh, he's amazing. I think the change in personality happened. He's doing things for himself now, and he seems to be accepting it. I've lost a best friend, but I've gained a son.
|
| 1738 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | That's much healthier for him, and when he gets older he'll be able to be your friend too.
|
| 1739 | 10 | 7 | Liane | You're the best, Cesar, and to show my gratitude I've got two tickets for you and me to see Madame Butterfly this Friday night.
|
| 1740 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | Well no, my work is done. I've got to get back to Los Angeles.
|
| 1741 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Oh... But I thought we were becoming friends.
|
| 1742 | 10 | 7 | Cesar | No, not really. You're just a client. Well, good luck to you. Gotta go.
|
| 1743 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | I cleared up the table, Mom. I'm gonna go upstairs and make my bed now.
|
| 1744 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Eric, how would you like to go with me to see Madame Butterfly Friday night?
|
| 1745 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | No, that's okay. Besides, I told Stan and Kyle we could work on our science project then.
|
| 1746 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Well, what if I took you to Kentucky Fried Chicken afterward? And then we'll go to Target and buy you a Mega Ranger.
|
| 1747 | 10 | 7 | Cartman | Could I... perhaps have... two Mega Rangers?
|
| 1748 | 10 | 7 | Liane | Yes, darling. You can have whatever you want.
|
| 1749 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Oh, dude! I just took the biggest crap. Hey-where are you guys?
|
| 1750 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | We're over here, by the cart.
|
| 1751 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Okay, I'm back.
|
| 1752 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Dude! We've been waiting forever!
|
| 1753 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Well, I'm sorry, I had to take a dump!
|
| 1754 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | If you didn't eat so much, you wouldn't have diarrhea all the time, fatass!
|
| 1755 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Hey, I don't need to take any lip from a frickin' girl!
|
| 1756 | 10 | 8 | Kenny | (I think Kyle has fake titties, hahahaha)
|
| 1757 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Heheh, totally, heheh.
|
| 1758 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | Come on, we have to finish the quest in Stonehaven.
|
| 1759 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Stan? Stan?
|
| 1760 | 10 | 8 | Stan | H-hang on, guys, my dad wants something.
|
| 1761 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Stan!
|
| 1762 | 10 | 8 | Stan | What?!
|
| 1763 | 10 | 8 | Randy | You've been on your computer all weekend. Shouldn't you go out and socialize with your friends?
|
| 1764 | 10 | 8 | Stan | I am socializing, r-tard. I'm logged on to an MMORPG with people from all over the world, and getting XP with my party using TeamSpeak.
|
| 1765 | 10 | 8 | Randy | ...I'm not a r-tard.
|
| 1766 | 10 | 8 | Stan | All right, sorry guys. So where to now?
|
| 1767 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | See where I am? It's this way.
|
| 1768 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Yeah, come on, let's go! I am the mightiest dwarf in all of Azeroth!
|
| 1769 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | Wow, look at all these people playing right now.
|
| 1770 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Yeah, it's bullcrap. I'll bet half these of these people are Koreans.
|
| 1771 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Oh crap! It's that guy again!
|
| 1772 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | Who is this?
|
| 1773 | 10 | 8 | Stan | This is the guy that kept killing us after you went to bed!
|
| 1774 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Get out of here, asshole!
|
| 1775 | 10 | 8 | Stan | He's a way higher level than us. It isn't fair.
|
| 1776 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | It's all right. He can't kill us unless we agree to duel.
|
| 1777 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Oh my God, he killed Kenny!
|
| 1778 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | You bastard!
|
| 1779 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Don't you have better things to do than going online killing people?! No! I don't want them to start over at the graveyard! No!
|
| 1780 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | That sonofabitch!
|
| 1781 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | Who is that guy?
|
| 1782 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Whoever he is, he is one tough badass.
|
| 1783 | 10 | 8 | Rep | World of Warcraft support line.
|
| 1784 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Yeah, we bought your game, and played it online, but every time we log in, some other player comes in and kills us!
|
| 1785 | 10 | 8 | Rep | O..ohhh that shouldn't happen. We designed the game so that players have to agree to a duel before they can kill each other.
|
| 1786 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Yeah? Well this guy does it anyway!
|
| 1787 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | He's a God damned butthole!
|
| 1788 | 10 | 8 | Rep | Really? That's odd. More people calling in about their characters getting killed.
|
| 1789 | 10 | 8 | Co-Worker | Oh no.
|
| 1790 | 10 | 8 | Rep | Well, we'll certainly keep a look out for that player and ban him from the network. Better tell the guys upstairs.
|
| 1791 | 10 | 8 | President | Fellow board members, we have a problem: somebody in the World of Warcraft is ignoring the World's rules...and is going around killing innocent players..
|
| 1792 | 10 | 8 | Member 1 | Why kill innocent players? The game is about finishing quests.
|
| 1793 | 10 | 8 | Member 2 | We've got to delete him from the servers.
|
| 1794 | 10 | 8 | President | We can't. Whoever this player is, he has played World of Warcraft so much, that he has reached a level we thought unreachable. He's actually able to kill our admins. And he grows stronger every day.
|
| 1795 | 10 | 8 | Member 3 | Jesus...
|
| 1796 | 10 | 8 | Jim | I've gotta get home! My kids are playing World of Warcraft right now!
|
| 1797 | 10 | 8 | President | Jim, your kids' characters are already dead.
|
| 1798 | 10 | 8 | Jim | No... No... They just started playing!
|
| 1799 | 10 | 8 | Member 2 | What kind of person would do this?
|
| 1800 | 10 | 8 | President | Only one kind. Whoever this player is, he has played World of Warcraft nearly every hour of every day for the past year and a half. Gentlemen, we are dealing with someone here who...haw absolutely no life.
|
| 1801 | 10 | 8 | Member 3 | How do you kill...that which has no life?
|
| 1802 | 10 | 8 | Nelson | Randy, you workin' on that sediment analysis?
|
| 1803 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Not now, Nelson. I just joined a big party of night elves and we're gonna explore the Tower of Azora together.
|
| 1804 | 10 | 8 | Nelson | Is that a computer game?
|
| 1805 | 10 | 8 | Randy | No, r-tard, it's an MMORPG. These are real people I'm playing with. See, I'm a hunter, level 2. I can chat with all these other people. I can even wave to this guy, see? "Hello." In the outside world, I'm a simple geologist, but in here...I am Falcorn, Defender of the Alliance. I've braved the Fargodeep mine and defeated the Bloodfish at Jarod's Landing.
|
| 1806 | 10 | 8 | Nelson | Hm. Looks like that guy just killed you.
|
| 1807 | 10 | 8 | Randy | What?? Why?? Why?!
|
| 1808 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | My friends: as you all know, some giant butthole keeps logging onto Warcraft and killing all our characters.
|
| 1809 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | The past...four nights we've tried to play, he shows up and kills us!
|
| 1810 | 10 | 8 | Craig | He killed my character right in the middle of a quest!
|
| 1811 | 10 | 8 | Tweek | Mine too!
|
| 1812 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | We've learned that the four of us can't fight him alone. But, if we all log in together!, we might have a chance.
|
| 1813 | 10 | 8 | Token | Hey yeah!
|
| 1814 | 10 | 8 | Jimmy | We can really stick it to that assm-m-muncher!
|
| 1815 | 10 | 8 | Clyde | Are you guys dumb? We can't beat him, even with all of us. It's a waste of time.
|
| 1816 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Ddue, we have to try.
|
| 1817 | 10 | 8 | Clyde | I've got better things to do.
|
| 1818 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Clyde, Clyde! If you had a chance right now to go back in time and stop Hitler, wouldn't you do it? I mean, I personally wouldn't stop him because I think he was awesome, but you would, right?
|
| 1819 | 10 | 8 | Clyde | I'm just gonna stop playing.
|
| 1820 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | When Hitler rose to power there were a lot of people who just stopped playing. You know who those people were? The French! Are you French, Clyde?
|
| 1821 | 10 | 8 | Clyde | No.
|
| 1822 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, Clyde?
|
| 1823 | 10 | 8 | Clyde | All right all right, I'll do it!
|
| 1824 | 10 | 8 | Jimmy | So what's the p-plan?
|
| 1825 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | All right, you all login from your computers at precisely 7:30. We will meet here, on the plains of the elven forest near Westfall. My friends, to victory!
|
| 1826 | 10 | 8 | All | To victory!
|
| 1827 | 10 | 8 | Butters | I don't play World of Warcraft.
|
| 1828 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Butters, you said you were on your computer all the time!
|
| 1829 | 10 | 8 | Butters | Yeah, but I'm playing Hello Kitty Island Adventure.
|
| 1830 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Butters, go buy World of Warcraft, install it on your computer, and join the online sensation before we all murder you.
|
| 1831 | 10 | 8 | Butters | O-oh, o-oh, a-alright. All right then.
|
| 1832 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | All right, you guys, this is it! When the attack begins, all warriors click on defensive stance. Everyone else, wait for Craig to cast his intellect buff.
|
| 1833 | 10 | 8 | Token | Okay.
|
| 1834 | 10 | 8 | Jason | Got it.
|
| 1835 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | The battle is sure to be long, so make sure you all have your special abilities macroed to your keyboards.
|
| 1836 | 10 | 8 | Jimmy | All right, Eric. You can c-c-count on us.
|
| 1837 | 10 | 8 | Timmy | Timmy!
|
| 1838 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | This shall be a day for all to remember! Let us bravely charge the fields of Azeroth! From with-
|
| 1839 | 10 | 8 | Butters | Hey fellas! Boy, this is neato, huh?
|
| 1840 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Butters? What the hell are you doing?
|
| 1841 | 10 | 8 | Butters | I got World of Warcraft, like you said.
|
| 1842 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | You can't be the dwarf character, Butters, I'm the dwarf.
|
| 1843 | 10 | 8 | Butters | Well, there's only like four races to choose from-
|
| 1844 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | So pick another one! I'm the dwarf, you stupid asshole! Log out, create a new character, and log back in!
|
| 1845 | 10 | 8 | Butters | I like Hello Kitty Island Adventure a lot more 'n this stuff.
|
| 1846 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Come on, let's do this!
|
| 1847 | 10 | 8 | Craig | Yeah, my mom says I have to be in bed at 9:30.
|
| 1848 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Then let's move out!
|
| 1849 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Look! There he is!
|
| 1850 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Everyone hold!
|
| 1851 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | He's targeting us.
|
| 1852 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Prepare to charge! Scroll over him with your mouse cursors! And...Right-click! What the? Oh Jesus, he summoned scorpions!
|
| 1853 | 10 | 8 | Tweek | Aaaa! I'm burning! Oh Jesus I'm burning!
|
| 1854 | 10 | 8 | Jimmy | Kenny's down. K-k-kenny is down.
|
| 1855 | 10 | 8 | Ike | I have poop on my pants.
|
| 1856 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | Ike, look out!
|
| 1857 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | All right, Clyde, hit him with your crossbow! Hit him now, Clyde! Clyde? Clyde! Clyde! Clyde, you asshole! Goddamnit we lost Clyde!
|
| 1858 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Hey, Stan, can I play with you guys?
|
| 1859 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Dad??
|
| 1860 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Yeah, I'm playing from the office.
|
| 1861 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Dad, get off our teamspeak line!
|
| 1862 | 10 | 8 | Token | That's it, I'm dead!
|
| 1863 | 10 | 8 | Stan | That's it, screw this game!
|
| 1864 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Now, leave me alone, don't do- that, dugh God-fucking-damnit!!!
|
| 1865 | 10 | 8 | Member 3 | Oh Jesus...Oh God no...
|
| 1866 | 10 | 8 | President | What?
|
| 1867 | 10 | 8 | Member 3 | He just finished killing every single player in the Arathi Highlands.
|
| 1868 | 10 | 8 | Member 1 | How many people's characters were in there?
|
| 1869 | 10 | 8 | Member 2 | Over five thousand.
|
| 1870 | 10 | 8 | Member 1 | There are over seven million people who log on to World of Warcraft! Are you telling me all those people's characters are going to die, and there's nothing we can do to save them?
|
| 1871 | 10 | 8 | President | Yes. And it won't be long before everyone gets really really frustrated and stops playing altogether. Gentlemen, this could very well lead to the end of the World...of Warcraft.
|
| 1872 | 10 | 8 | Member 5 | No! Nooooooooo!
|
| 1873 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | What the hell are you guys doing?? Don't tell me you all quit playing World of Warcraft too?!
|
| 1874 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Dude, we're done. we're sick of getting killed all the time.
|
| 1875 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Guys, when things look bad, you can't just give up on the world. Of Warcraft.
|
| 1876 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | We don't have a choice, dude. That guy killed our characters 14 times.
|
| 1877 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | I have a solution, you guys. That guy can kill us so easily because he's a super-high level, right? What if we were super-high level too?
|
| 1878 | 10 | 8 | Stan | We can't get to a higher level because that dude doesn't let us finish quests!
|
| 1879 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | That's why we just need to log in and stay in the forest, killing boars.
|
| 1880 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | Boars?
|
| 1881 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | There's lots of computer-generated boars in Warcraft that die with just one blow.
|
| 1882 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | Dude, boars are only worth two experience points apiece. Do you know how many we would have to kill to get up 30 levels?
|
| 1883 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Yes. Sixty-five million three hundred and forty thousand two hundred and eighty five. Which should take us seven weeks five days thirteen hours and twenty minutes, giving ourselves three hours a night to sleep. What do you say, guys? You can just...you can just hang outside in the sun all day tossin' a ball around, or you can sit at your computer and do somethin' that matters.
|
| 1884 | 10 | 8 | Paul Stanley | Live to win, 'till you die, 'till the light dies in your eyes!Live to win, take it all, just keep fighting till you fall!Day by day, kickin' all the way, I'm not cavin' inLet another round begin, live to winYeah! Live! Yeah!Win!
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| 1885 | 10 | 8 | Member 3 | Sir, you'd better have a look at this! Four of our subscribers...They've gone up fifty levels in three weeks.
|
| 1886 | 10 | 8 | President | My God...they must have no lives at all.
|
| 1887 | 10 | 8 | Member 3 | A hope?
|
| 1888 | 10 | 8 | President | A chance.
|
| 1889 | 10 | 8 | Paul Stanley | Llive to win, 'till you die, 'till the light dies in your eyesLive to win, take it all, just keep fighting 'till you fall<p>Day by day, kickin' all the way, I'm not cavin' inLet another round begin, live to winLive to winLive to winYeah, win
|
| 1890 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | Dude, my mouse-clicking finger hurts.
|
| 1891 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Keep clicking, Kyle! You can do it!
|
| 1892 | 10 | 8 | President | The admins tell us they are four players from a small town in Colorado.
|
| 1893 | 10 | 8 | Member 1 | Are they strong enough to defeat the Evil One?
|
| 1894 | 10 | 8 | Member 5 | We ran the numbers: even with their amazing rise in levels, they have a 90% mortality probability. They'd be walking in a slaughter!
|
| 1895 | 10 | 8 | Member 1 | There has to be...someway we can help them.
|
| 1896 | 10 | 8 | Member 6 | What about...the Sword of a Thousand Truths?
|
| 1897 | 10 | 8 | Member 7 | Quiet, Thomas! We aren't even to speak of that sword!
|
| 1898 | 10 | 8 | Thomas | But maybe these new players are the ones the prophecy foretold of.
|
| 1899 | 10 | 8 | Member 7 | It is not an option!
|
| 1900 | 10 | 8 | Thomas | What is this sword?
|
| 1901 | 10 | 8 | President | Long ago, when the World of Warcraft was created, one of the programmers put a sword called the Sword of a Thousand Truths into the game inventory. Apparently it could cause 120 damage per second, with an instant mana burn and an enchantment that boosts its stamina +80.
|
| 1902 | 10 | 8 | Member 7 | But the sword was considered to be too powerful for anyone to possess. So it was removed from the game and stored on a one-gig flash drive.
|
| 1903 | 10 | 8 | Thomas | But it was foretold that one day, players who could wield the sword might reveal themselves.
|
| 1904 | 10 | 8 | Member 1 | Who foretold this prophecy?
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| 1905 | 10 | 8 | President | Soltzman. He's an accountant.
|
| 1906 | 10 | 8 | President | Behold, the Sword of a Thousand Truths. We must get this sword to the ones who have proven they have no life. Let's just hope to Christ they don't start the battle before we can reach them.
|
| 1907 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | All right, you guys. The Moment of Truth is here. It is time for our final battle. Everyone, log in!
|
| 1908 | 10 | 8 | Stan | I'm in.
|
| 1909 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | Me too.
|
| 1910 | 10 | 8 | Kenny | (Me too.)
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| 1911 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Everyone equip healing potions to the hotbar if you haven't already. Uh, Kyle, go ahead and cast Arcane Brilliance to raise our intelligence.
|
| 1912 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | Hang on, I'm chaining my fire spells for max range.
|
| 1913 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Nice. Stan, what enchantment does your Cloak of the Tiger have?
|
| 1914 | 10 | 8 | Stan | 15 agility.
|
| 1915 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Give the cloak to Kenny, he needs the agility boost for bow attacks.
|
| 1916 | 10 | 8 | Stan | 'K.
|
| 1917 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | Hold on, this fight could last more than twelve hours. What if we run out of food?
|
| 1918 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Don't worry, I have that covered. Mom?
|
| 1919 | 10 | 8 | Liane | Yes hon?
|
| 1920 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | More Hot Pockets!
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| 1921 | 10 | 8 | Liane | Right away, hon.
|
| 1922 | 10 | 8 | Stan | That's übercool.
|
| 1923 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | All right, everyone ready?
|
| 1924 | 10 | 8 | Kyle/Stan | Ready.
|
| 1925 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Let's go get him!
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| 1926 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Wait, I think I see him. Yeah, yeah, he's here in Goldshire.
|
| 1927 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Okay, everyone open your uplifts and autolocate to Stan.
|
| 1928 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | What's the autolocate macro?
|
| 1929 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Command-0.
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| 1930 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | Okay, right behind Stan.
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| 1931 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Kenny, get ready to turn on true-shot aura. At that moment, I will use intimidating shout.
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| 1932 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Okay, he sees us...He's targeted us.
|
| 1933 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Okay, hit him with pyroblast, Kyle.
|
| 1934 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | Casting...there's an 8-second cast time.
|
| 1935 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Aren't you spec'd to reduce cast time?
|
| 1936 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | No, ah, I'm an arcane fire mage.
|
| 1937 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Christ...
|
| 1938 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | Cast on him again.
|
| 1939 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Everyone target scorpions.
|
| 1940 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Yes?
|
| 1941 | 10 | 8 | Member 1 | We are looking for a great knight by the name of LovesToSpooge.
|
| 1942 | 10 | 8 | Randy | That's my son's character's name in Warcraft.
|
| 1943 | 10 | 8 | President | Where is he?!
|
| 1944 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Who are you?
|
| 1945 | 10 | 8 | President | Sir, we don't have time! We just heard from our admins that your son's party is already in battle!
|
| 1946 | 10 | 8 | Member 1 | Unless they have this sword, your son's character is going to die!
|
| 1947 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Nn-Oh my God!
|
| 1948 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Kyle! Fire spell!
|
| 1949 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | Aaaa... AH! Huh?!
|
| 1950 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Kyle! Kyle! Dude, what's wrong?
|
| 1951 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | Carpal tunnel! Carpal tunnel! It's aaaah!
|
| 1952 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Oh, Jesus, he's got it bad!
|
| 1953 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Wait, we need Ben-Gay.
|
| 1954 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Hurry dude!
|
| 1955 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | I'm going as fast as I can!
|
| 1956 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Kyle, you have to keep playing.
|
| 1957 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | I can't. Just leave me behind.
|
| 1958 | 10 | 8 | Stan | We can't do this without you now! Come on!
|
| 1959 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Stan?! Stan! Sharon, where is Stan?!
|
| 1960 | 10 | 8 | Sharon | I don't know. He took his computer somewhere to play that stupid online game.
|
| 1961 | 10 | 8 | Member 1 | Stupid?
|
| 1962 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Where?!
|
| 1963 | 10 | 8 | Sharon | I don't know.
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| 1964 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Sharon, his character is going to die if we don't get to him!
|
| 1965 | 10 | 8 | Sharon | So what?
|
| 1966 | 10 | 8 | The three men | So what?!
|
| 1967 | 10 | 8 | President | We're too late. Without the sword the players will fail.
|
| 1968 | 10 | 8 | Member 1 | Ih if we could get to a computer, we could sign on to the World of Warcraft and give the boys the sword online.
|
| 1969 | 10 | 8 | President | I don't have a World of Warcraft account. Do you?
|
| 1970 | 10 | 8 | Member 1 | No, I have a life.
|
| 1971 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Give me the sword.
|
| 1972 | 10 | 8 | Member 1 | You?
|
| 1973 | 10 | 8 | Randy | I have a Warcraft character. I'm a newb, but I can log on and get the sword to Stan online.
|
| 1974 | 10 | 8 | Member 1 | We can't trust the Sword of a Thousand Truths to a newb!
|
| 1975 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Sounds to me like we don't have a choice! Give me the sword. Ahhhh. Come on, we've got to get to a computer that works!
|
| 1976 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Where's your car?
|
| 1977 | 10 | 8 | Member 1 | We took a cab here!
|
| 1978 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Damnit, mine's in the shop! Uh hey! Eh help! Stop! Please, it's an emergency! Nelson! Nelson, I need to come over and use your computer! No, I d-I need to play World of Warcraft! NELSON!
|
| 1979 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | All right, major stone shield potions should be...Oh God, I'm going to have diarrhea again. Ohhh...Duuuh...
|
| 1980 | 10 | 8 | Stan | You can't go to the bathroom, you're stacking sunder armor!
|
| 1981 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | It's okay. Mom? Bathroom!
|
| 1982 | 10 | 8 | Liane | What hon?
|
| 1983 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Bathroom! Bathroom!
|
| 1984 | 10 | 8 | Liane | Oohh, that's a big boy, isn't he?
|
| 1985 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | All right, Kenny, drink your elixir of the mongoose. I'm now going to use mocking blow.
|
| 1986 | 10 | 8 | Randy | World of Warcraft! I need to play!
|
| 1987 | 10 | 8 | Greeter | Our demo is set up right over by the-
|
| 1988 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Got to...sign in...character name...All right, I'm in!
|
| 1989 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Dude, I'm almost dead.
|
| 1990 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Kyle, cast arcane missile!
|
| 1991 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | I'm out of mana, I told you.
|
| 1992 | 10 | 8 | Stan | I've gotta heal.
|
| 1993 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Staaan!
|
| 1994 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Dad? Not now!
|
| 1995 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Stan! I've been sent here...to bring you this. This sword can completely drain his mana.
|
| 1996 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Dad, how did you get that?!
|
| 1997 | 10 | 8 | Randy | No time! Just take it! Here! ...How, how do you hand something from one player to another?
|
| 1998 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Bring up your inventory screen: Control-I...
|
| 1999 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Okay.
|
| 2000 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Stan, what the hell are you doing?!
|
| 2001 | 10 | 8 | Stan | I got it!
|
| 2002 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Augh!
|
| 2003 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Dad!
|
| 2004 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Stan...
|
| 2005 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Dad, no! You killed my father.
|
| 2006 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | His shield and armor spells are down!
|
| 2007 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | Attack!
|
| 2008 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Looks like you're about to get pwned. Heeyeah!
|
| 2009 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Dad? Dad?
|
| 2010 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Staaan. I've never been able to say this before, but...I love you, son.
|
| 2011 | 10 | 8 | Stan | I know you do, Dad.
|
| 2012 | 10 | 8 | Randy | Augh! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
|
| 2013 | 10 | 8 | Member 1 | They did it!
|
| 2014 | 10 | 8 | President | Our world is saved!
|
| 2015 | 10 | 8 | Man 1 | They did it! They killed him!
|
| 2016 | 10 | 8 | Man 2 | They did it!
|
| 2017 | 10 | 8 | Woman | They killed him! We can come out!
|
| 2018 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Yes!
|
| 2019 | 10 | 8 | Stan | We did it!
|
| 2020 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Yeah!
|
| 2021 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Yeah.
|
| 2022 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | Yeah yeah.
|
| 2023 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | All right, yay.
|
| 2024 | 10 | 8 | Kenny | (Woohoo! Oh man!)
|
| 2025 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | We did it you guys. We're totally heroes.
|
| 2026 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | That was such über pwnage
|
| 2027 | 10 | 8 | Stan | I can't believe it's all over. What do we do now?
|
| 2028 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | What do you mean? Now we can finally play the game.
|
| 2029 | 10 | 8 | Kyle | Oh yeah.
|
| 2030 | 10 | 8 | Cartman | Okay Kenny, add Eyes of the Beast to your hotbar. Stan, check your fury talents to boost your shots.
|
| 2031 | 10 | 8 | Stan | Got it.
|
| 2032 | 10 | 9 | Mrs. Garrison | And so, class, that is when Joe Lee countered back to Aniston and said things like- Oh hello, Mr. Mackey.
|
| 2033 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Mackey | All the girls go out in the hall please? I need to speak with the boys of this class, m'kay? Boys, we have a very serious problem! I've just come from the men's restroom, and somebody went number 2 in the urinal!
|
| 2034 | 10 | 9 | Butters | What's a urinal?
|
| 2035 | 10 | 9 | Stan | A wall toilet for peeing in.
|
| 2036 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Mackey | And some jokester took a poop in it! Okay? Now I want whoever did it to come forward right now, and it will be less painful for everybody! M'kay?!
|
| 2037 | 10 | 9 | Jimmy | Who would take a d-dump in a urinal? It's such a s-senseless crime.
|
| 2038 | 10 | 9 | Cartman | Mr. Mackey, I think you might want to entertain that this is some kind of conspiracy, just like 9/11.
|
| 2039 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Oh God, here we go again! 9/11 was not a conspiracy, fatass!
|
| 2040 | 10 | 9 | Cartman | Oh really?! Do you just believe everything you're told, Kyle?
|
| 2041 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Mackey | Excuse me!! Could we get back to the issue, please?! You all don't seem to understand how serious this is!! Now who made dookie in the urinal?! Oh, you think it's funny, huh?! M'kay! M'kay! You're gonna think it's real funny when the police get here!
|
| 2042 | 10 | 9 | Officer 1 | I'm sorry, Mr. Mackey, but there just isn't really any evidence to go on.
|
| 2043 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Mackey | But there must have been some motive. Nobody would just dook in the urinal for no reason.
|
| 2044 | 10 | 9 | Officer 1 | But who would benefit from crapping in the urinal? Uh this is too big a mystery for me. I think we'd better call in the Hardly Boys.
|
| 2045 | 10 | 9 | Narrator | The Hardly Boys. Two young whippersnappers with a knack for solving mysteries. The Hardly Boys in: The Mystery of the Urinal Turd.
|
| 2046 | 10 | 9 | Officer 1 | So, that's it, Hardly Boys, we've got no leads and nobody admitting to the crime.
|
| 2047 | 10 | 9 | Frank | That sure is a mystery.
|
| 2048 | 10 | 9 | Joe | Yeah, it sounds super-hard.
|
| 2049 | 10 | 9 | Frank | Whoever did it must have been angry with the school. Oh... Oooo... I think I'm getting a clue.
|
| 2050 | 10 | 9 | Joe | F-really?
|
| 2051 | 10 | 9 | Frank | Yeah, this is totally giving me a clue right now.
|
| 2052 | 10 | 9 | Joe | Oh... I'm starting to get a clue too.
|
| 2053 | 10 | 9 | Frank | My clue is kind of pointing this way.
|
| 2054 | 10 | 9 | Joe | Ohhgh. Yeah, now I've got a total clue.
|
| 2055 | 10 | 9 | Frank | I've still got a raging clue.
|
| 2056 | 10 | 9 | Joe | My clue's pointing over there now!
|
| 2057 | 10 | 9 | Frank | Oh, let's follow that clue!
|
| 2058 | 10 | 9 | Stan | Did they find out who crapped in the urinal yet?
|
| 2059 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Not yet.
|
| 2060 | 10 | 9 | Cartman | They aren't going to find out who did it. But they'll make up a scapegoat, send him to detention, and make us all believe it. It'll be 9/11 all over again.
|
| 2061 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Will you shut up about 9/11!
|
| 2062 | 10 | 9 | Cartman | Kyle, why are you so afraid of the truth?!
|
| 2063 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Because anybody who thinks 9/11 was a conspiracy is a retard!
|
| 2064 | 10 | 9 | Cartman | Oh really? Well did you know that over one-fourth of people in America think that 9/11 was a conspiracy? Are you saying that one-fourth of Americans are retards?
|
| 2065 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Yes. I'm saying one-fourth of Americans are retards.
|
| 2066 | 10 | 9 | Stan | Yeah, at least one-fourth.
|
| 2067 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Let's take a test sample: There's four of us, you're a retard, that's one-fourth.
|
| 2068 | 10 | 9 | Cartman | ...There are soo many people who know the truth, Kyle. Uh Butters!
|
| 2069 | 10 | 9 | Butters | Hey, fellas!
|
| 2070 | 10 | 9 | Cartman | Butters, do you think 9/11 was just a plot by some angry terrorists, or do you think there was some kind of coverup?
|
| 2071 | 10 | 9 | Butters | Well, I heard that 9/11 was caused by President Bush.
|
| 2072 | 10 | 9 | Cartman | Aha! Do you see?
|
| 2073 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Where did you hear that?
|
| 2074 | 10 | 9 | Butters | From Eric.
|
| 2075 | 10 | 9 | Cartman | I rest my case.
|
| 2076 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Butters, you don't really believe that, do you?
|
| 2077 | 10 | 9 | Butters | Well, l-uh, I mean, uh, you never know. Uh, the government does some pretty spooky things. The government and the corporations headed by the Jews that tear down 9/11.
|
| 2078 | 10 | 9 | Cartman | That's right, Butters.
|
| 2079 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Goddamnit, you see what happens when you spread this stupid crap, fatass?
|
| 2080 | 10 | 9 | Cartman | What? People see the truth?
|
| 2081 | 10 | 9 | Butters | Can I go now?
|
| 2082 | 10 | 9 | Cartman | You guys are blind! I can't believe that everyone here is just buying into what they're told by the media! I'm gonna go find out the truth. I'm gonna blow the lid off this whooole 9/11 conspiracy once and for all!
|
| 2083 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Oh no...
|
| 2084 | 10 | 9 | Cartman | It is wrong for me to ask questions?Is it wrong to seek the truth?I just can't blindly accept their version.I can't base my logic on proof.Almost all the evidence points one way,But I'm like Charlie Sheen and Gloria Estefan:I need to know what really happenedOn 9/11-leven-leven-leven-leven.What really happenedOn 9/11?Of course. It's so obvious. How did we not see it before?
|
| 2085 | 10 | 9 | Leroy | This is my frog. He doesn't have a name. He's a frog not a toad because toads don't ribbit. I think frogs are good pets.
|
| 2086 | 10 | 9 | Mrs. Garrison | Okay, thank you, Leroy, thanks for sharing your dumb little frog with the class. Okay, anybody else have anything for Show and Tell?
|
| 2087 | 10 | 9 | Cartman | Uh! Erh, eh. Uhhh!
|
| 2088 | 10 | 9 | Mrs. Garrison | All right, Eric, you can go next.
|
| 2089 | 10 | 9 | Cartman | For Show and Tell today I have brought... ...my shocking Powerpoint report on the truth!.. behind the 9/11 attacks!
|
| 2090 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Oh Christ...
|
| 2091 | 10 | 9 | Cartman | We are told to believe that the fire from the jet fuel melted the steel framing of the towers, which led to their collapse. But did you know jet fuel doesn't burn at a high enough temperature to melt steel? We were told the Pentagon was hit by a hijacked plane as well, but now look at this photo of the Pentagon. The hole is not nearly big enough. And if a plane hit it, where is the rest of the plane?
|
| 2092 | 10 | 9 | Clyde | Whoa...
|
| 2093 | 10 | 9 | Cartman | So now, the inevitable question: if terrorists didn't cause 9/11, who did? Remember that there are in fact two towers. Two minus one is one; one one - 11; two minus one is one; one one, and there are nine members on Silverstein's board of directors. That's nine-one-one. Nine-eleven. And take 2 - 1 + 9/11 and you get 12, which leads us all to the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks. . Kyle!
|
| 2094 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Me??!
|
| 2095 | 10 | 9 | Cartman | Twelve contains the numbers one and two, just like the toilet yesterday where somebody went number two instead of number one! And one and two with 911 and you get 914! Drop the 4 and it's 91! Exactly the score Kyle got on his spelling test twelve days after 9/11! Who has the most to gain from 9/11?! Kyle! Who was nowhere to be found the morning the towers fell?! Kyle! Who dropped the deuce in the urinal?! Kyle! But probably the most damning of all is the evidence seen in this photo of Tower 2! When I zoomed in I saw what first appeared to be a blur, but when I computer-enhanced it, You almost got away with it, you sneaky butthole.
|
| 2096 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Hey Token. You-you gonna watch the game tonight, Butters?
|
| 2097 | 10 | 9 | Butters | Waaaah!
|
| 2098 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | All right, all right, I was not responsible for 9/11! God-damnit!
|
| 2099 | 10 | 9 | Sheila | Hello bubbe, how was school today?
|
| 2100 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Terrible.
|
| 2101 | 10 | 9 | Sheila | Oh, come on, school isn't all that bad.
|
| 2102 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | But, everyone thinks I was responsible for 9/11.
|
| 2103 | 10 | 9 | Sheila | Whatwhatwhaaat?!
|
| 2104 | 10 | 9 | Sheila | We have to do something! It is obvious our children are still completely confused about 9/11!
|
| 2105 | 10 | 9 | Principal Victoria | Yes, we need to go over it again in the classroom so they understand what really happened.
|
| 2106 | 10 | 9 | Skeeter | Well, what really happened? There's strong evidence that what we were told isn't the truth.
|
| 2107 | 10 | 9 | Other men | Oh no, oh brother, oh God.
|
| 2108 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Adler | That's right. Did you know that there were explosions seen at the base of the towers?
|
| 2109 | 10 | 9 | Other men | Oh no, oh God, that's so retarded.
|
| 2110 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Mackey | Look, what-ever you believe, the fact of the matter is somebody... dropped a dookie in the school urinal, and there's still no explanation for that!
|
| 2111 | 10 | 9 | Sheila | Mr. Mackey, there are more important things going on here!
|
| 2112 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Mackey | More important?! You aren't the one, who had to walk into the boys' bathroom, okay, after having tuh, to wake up early, you know, there's no, no coffee in the teachers' lounge, and then you, you walk into the bathroom just to find a big dook laying there in the urinal! Like it's laughin' at you!
|
| 2113 | 10 | 9 | Jimbo | He's right! The turd could have been put there to cover up 9/11!
|
| 2114 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Mackey | No, I'm not saying they're related!
|
| 2115 | 10 | 9 | Randy | How do we know they're not? We need to be brave enough to ask questions!
|
| 2116 | 10 | 9 | Skeeter | It's obvious that before we go any further, we need to find out who was behind 9/11 once and for all!
|
| 2117 | 10 | 9 | Richard | Who else could it have been?
|
| 2118 | 10 | 9 | Det. Yates | This is too big a mystery for me. I think we'd better call in the Hardly Boys.
|
| 2119 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Mackey | Oh no, not the Goddamned-
|
| 2120 | 10 | 9 | Narrator | The Hardly Boys. Two young whippersnappers with a knack for solving mysteries. The Hardly Boys in: The Case of the World Trade Center Conspiracy.
|
| 2121 | 10 | 9 | Det. Yates | So that's about the long and short of it, Hardly Boys. There were two towers that stood right here, and they're gone.
|
| 2122 | 10 | 9 | Frank | And nobody knows who's responsible?
|
| 2123 | 10 | 9 | Det. Yates | There are theories, but, nobody's certain.
|
| 2124 | 10 | 9 | Joe | Nnnn, who would benefit most from two buildings disappearing?
|
| 2125 | 10 | 9 | Frank | Ooo... oh, I just started getting a clue.
|
| 2126 | 10 | 9 | Joe | Really?
|
| 2127 | 10 | 9 | Frank | Yeah, I'm totally getting a clue.
|
| 2128 | 10 | 9 | Joe | Oh... Oh, that's giving me a clue. Yeah, ye-yeah, I've got a raging clue right now.
|
| 2129 | 10 | 9 | Frank | Mine's pointing to the left.
|
| 2130 | 10 | 9 | Joe | Oh F-, oh Frank, seriously, I have such a raging clue right now, I think we'd better follow it.
|
| 2131 | 10 | 9 | Frank | Okay, let's follow your raging clue.
|
| 2132 | 10 | 9 | Joe | Oofff.
|
| 2133 | 10 | 9 | Randy | Godspeed.
|
| 2134 | 10 | 9 | Stan | Kyle!
|
| 2135 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Aaaah!
|
| 2136 | 10 | 9 | Stan | Dude, do you mind telling me why CIA guys are coming to my house and questioning me about you??
|
| 2137 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | I don't know, dude. It's like everyone's putting pieces together that aren't there.
|
| 2138 | 10 | 9 | Stan | Well why did you have to involve me??
|
| 2139 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | It's not my fault.
|
| 2140 | 10 | 9 | Stan | All right, look, I've been doing a lot of research on the Web and I found an organization who says they can prove you weren't involved in 9/11.
|
| 2141 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Really?
|
| 2142 | 10 | 9 | Stan | Come on. We'll go out the back so they don't see you. There's just one thing I need to know before we go: you weren't responsible for 9/11, right?
|
| 2143 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | ......Dude.
|
| 2144 | 10 | 9 | Stan | That's all I needed.
|
| 2145 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Mackey | Now you might all think I've given up finding out who crapped in the urinal. M'kay? And maybe, maybe you think it's a victimless crime. This, is Mr. Venezuela , the school janitor. Okay? He's the person... who has to clean up... when some trickster... drops a dook in the wrong toilet! Mr. Venezuela makes six bucks an hour at best! Okay? He's got three kids at home, he's got a car that barely works, he's gotta clean up puke with sawdust, m'kay, then he walks into the boys' room and sees a big meaty chud starin' him in the face! So when you crapped in that urinal, m'kay, you might as well have just dropped your pants, and laid a turd right on top of Mr. Venezuela's head! Oh, you think it's funny, huh?!
|
| 2146 | 10 | 9 | Mrs. Garrison | Mr. Mackey! We got him.
|
| 2147 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Mackey | Huh?
|
| 2148 | 10 | 9 | Mrs. Garrison | We caught the person that did it.
|
| 2149 | 10 | 9 | Stan | Hi, we were hoping you can help us. My friend is being blamed for 9/11.
|
| 2150 | 10 | 9 | Man | Aw geez. Come on in, kids. It doesn't surprise me. More and more people are being blamed for 9/11 every day.
|
| 2151 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | They are?
|
| 2152 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | What? No no no.
|
| 2153 | 10 | 9 | Stan | Dude, why would the government attack its own buildings?
|
| 2154 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | ...That's retarded.
|
| 2155 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | There's a lot of holes in the Theory of Evolution too; it doesn't mean it's wrong.
|
| 2156 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Code 234
|
| 2157 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | What is it?
|
| 2158 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Anthrax?!
|
| 2159 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Stan, we can't be seen with this nutjob! Aw, aw, awww!
|
| 2160 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Mackey | Why, Clyde? Why did you do it?
|
| 2161 | 10 | 9 | Clyde | I don't know.
|
| 2162 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Mackey | You got a whole school here, Clyde! M'kay? You got over three hundred people that need to use the boys' room. Then you decide you're gonna be a comedian, m'kay, and pinch one off in the urinal, and leave it layin' there for everyone to have to look at! Okay okay, you think it's funny, but nobody else does! They gotta walk in that bathroom and see your rancid dook propped up against the back of the urinal like a brown rag doll!
|
| 2163 | 10 | 9 | Principal Victoria | Mr. Mackey, Clyde's parents are here.
|
| 2164 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Mackey | M'kay, that's good! Let's see what your mom and dad have to say about your little poopscapade! Come on in, please. I'm just trying to get your son to explain why... he would drop a dook in the urinal!
|
| 2165 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Donovan | Mr. Mackey, there's something you should know...
|
| 2166 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Eh-xcuse me, there's been a misunderstanding.
|
| 2167 | 10 | 9 | Donald Rumsfeld | Come on in, Mr. President.
|
| 2168 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Uh, Mr. President, my name is-
|
| 2169 | 10 | 9 | Bush | SSHHUUDDUUPP!! You think we don't know your name?! We know everything! We control everything! We've all worked very hard to keep our involvement in 9/11 a secret! But you just had to keep digging!
|
| 2170 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Really?
|
| 2171 | 10 | 9 | Bush | People? You mean sheeple. We have the majority of them kept in blissful ignorance. Just one more... leak... to fix...
|
| 2172 | 10 | 9 | Bush | You've been a thorn in our side for too long, I'm afraid.
|
| 2173 | 10 | 9 | Bush | Too late.
|
| 2174 | 10 | 9 | Stan | JESUS CHRIST!!
|
| 2175 | 10 | 9 | Rumsfeld | Hahaha. He died like a pig.
|
| 2176 | 10 | 9 | Bush | Some pigs never learn.
|
| 2177 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | No. Way.
|
| 2178 | 10 | 9 | Stan | He was right. You DID cause 9/11.
|
| 2179 | 10 | 9 | Bush | Yes. Quite simple to pull off, really. All I had to do was have explosives planted in the base of the towers. Then on 9/11 we pretended like four planes were being hijacked.when really we just rerouted them to Pennsylvania, then flew two military jets into the World Trade Center filled with more explosives, then shot down all the witnesses of Flight 93 with an F-15 after blowing up the Pentagon with a Cruise missile. It was only the world's most intricate and flawlessly-executed ever, ever.
|
| 2180 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | ...Really??
|
| 2181 | 10 | 9 | Stan | Why?!
|
| 2182 | 10 | 9 | Bush | Oldest reason in the world. Money. The towers fell and the American sheeple all waved their flags. Finally we could invade Iraq, and get the oil which made us all richer than before.
|
| 2183 | 10 | 9 | Rumsfeld | Beauutiful money, hahahaha!
|
| 2184 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | ...Really??
|
| 2185 | 10 | 9 | Stan | Is the whole government in on this?
|
| 2186 | 10 | 9 | Bush | We are all-knowing and all-powerful. Good-bye, boys.
|
| 2187 | 10 | 9 | Cheney | Dangit! I missed again!
|
| 2188 | 10 | 9 | Bush | For Christ's sake, Cheney!
|
| 2189 | 10 | 9 | Stan | Kyle! Run!
|
| 2190 | 10 | 9 | Bush | KILL THEM!
|
| 2191 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Mackey | Attention students. Apparently, Clyde could not have been the one who crapped in the urinal, because Clyde had a colostomy at age 5. 'Kay? Now, whoever did this unspeakable act is still at large. The boys' bathroom is closed until further notice, 'cause one of you thought it would be a good idea... to pull down your pants... m'kay, hover your buttcheeks over the urinal... and squeeze out a chocolate hot dog... m'kay? Oh you think that's funny, huh?! Let me assure you, there is nothing funny... about going up to a nice, clean, unsuspectin' urinal, 'kay, droppin' your pants then... turnin' around... squattin' over that urinal, 'kay, maybe... maybe pullin' your buttcheeks apart with your hands, m'kay, and then layin' out a big fudge dragon for all the world to see. Oh yeah, that's real funny! I'm gonna catch this sonofabitch if it's the last thing I DO! M'kay?!
|
| 2192 | 10 | 9 | Stan | All right, now we have to switch over to Interbus 65. We made it dude. We should be home in less than eighteen hours. Then we'll tell everyone what we saw.
|
| 2193 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | It just... doesn't seem right.
|
| 2194 | 10 | 9 | Stan | Yeah, our eyes are finally open, dude. It's like waking up for the first time.
|
| 2195 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Yeah... but doesn't it seem like we got out of the White House pretty easily? I mean, it seems like it would be pretty hard to escape from the White House with everyone chasing you, and we just kind of... ran out.
|
| 2196 | 10 | 9 | Stan | Well dude, maybe we're just super badass. Have you thought of that?
|
| 2197 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Hey! Dude. You're alive? Come back here!
|
| 2198 | 10 | 9 | Man 1 | Hey!
|
| 2199 | 10 | 9 | Man 2 | Ogh!
|
| 2200 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Dude! What the hell is going on?!
|
| 2201 | 10 | 9 | Stan | What who said?
|
| 2202 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Dude, we aren't going to kill you.
|
| 2203 | 10 | 9 | Stan | Oh God!
|
| 2204 | 10 | 9 | Bearded Man | It isn't safe here, boys. Follow me!
|
| 2205 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Who the fuck are you?!
|
| 2206 | 10 | 9 | Bearded Man | There's no time! come on!
|
| 2207 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Do you mind telling us what the hell is going on??
|
| 2208 | 10 | 9 | Stan | Who are you?
|
| 2209 | 10 | 9 | Bearded Man | I'm a detective, and I'm afraid that you kids have been double-crossed.
|
| 2210 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | You f-figured this thing all out?
|
| 2211 | 10 | 9 | Bearded Man | Not me. My mystery-solving sons. Come on in, boys. My boys were researching who went number two in the urinal at your school when they discovered something odd, which gave them a clue.
|
| 2212 | 10 | 9 | Frank | Gave us both a clue.
|
| 2213 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Hardly | That clue led them to a 9/11 conspiracy group party, where they got a lot more clues.
|
| 2214 | 10 | 9 | Joe | I was getting a clue like every two minutes.
|
| 2215 | 10 | 9 | Frank | I got such a raging clue that I almost shot clue goo all over Joe.
|
| 2216 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Hardly | Those clues pointed out that all the 9/11 conspiracy theories could be disproven scientifically. And that's when Frank got his biggest clue.
|
| 2217 | 10 | 9 | Frank | It was huuuge.
|
| 2218 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Hardly | That all the 9/11 conspiracy Web sites are run by the government. The 9/11 conspiracy... is a government conspiracy.
|
| 2219 | 10 | 9 | Stan | Aw Jesus...
|
| 2220 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Why would the government want people to believe they caused 9/11?
|
| 2221 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Hardly | For a government to have power, they must appear to have complete control. What better way to make people fear them than to convince them they are capable of the most elaborate plan on earth?
|
| 2222 | 10 | 9 | Bush | That's quite enough, Hardly! Don't believe what he says, boys; we caused 9/11. It's all right here in these secret documents, but you'll never get them.
|
| 2223 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | I knew it! You didn't plan 9/11 and you really didn't shoot that guy!
|
| 2224 | 10 | 9 | Bush | Boys, you don't understand. People need to think we are all-powerful. That we control the world. If they know we weren't in charge of 9/11 then... we appear to control nothing.
|
| 2225 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Well why don't you just tell people the truth?!
|
| 2226 | 10 | 9 | Bush | We do that too. And most people believe the truth. But one fourth of the population is retarded. If they wanna believe we control everything with intricate plans, why not let them?
|
| 2227 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Hardly | Just one thing, Mr. President: How the devil did you know we were all here?
|
| 2228 | 10 | 9 | Stan | How come you couldn't just go home, dude? That's all we had to do!
|
| 2229 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | Stan! What the fuck?!
|
| 2230 | 10 | 9 | Stan | It was all planned out!
|
| 2231 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | You knew this whole time? Why?
|
| 2232 | 10 | 9 | Stan | Because it was me. I'm the one who took a dump in the urinal.
|
| 2233 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | What??
|
| 2234 | 10 | 9 | Stan | The stalls were full and I didn't wanna miss recess! I didn't think it would turn into such a big deal!
|
| 2235 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | So you blamed the government?!
|
| 2236 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Hardly | And the government was more than willing to take the blame, so long as it made them look responsible for 9/11!
|
| 2237 | 10 | 9 | Stan | Oh man, now everyone's gonna know. Why did the stupid Hardly Boys have to be so good at solving mysteries?
|
| 2238 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | So wait, wait: Stan took a dump in the urinal and he contacted the conspiracy Web site? But the conspiracy site was run by the government?
|
| 2239 | 10 | 9 | Stan | Yuh.
|
| 2240 | 10 | 9 | Kyle | So then, who was responsible for 9/11?
|
| 2241 | 10 | 9 | Stan | Whattaya mean? A bunch of pissed-off Muslims.
|
| 2242 | 10 | 9 | Frank | Yeah. What are you, retarded?
|
| 2243 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Hardly | Well, it looks like this mystery is solved. It's time for the culprit to finally pay!
|
| 2244 | 10 | 9 | Mr. Mackey | When you dook in the urinal, it's bad, m'kay! How would you feel... if somebody came into your home, m'kay, pulled down their pants and laid a big mud monkey right on your mom's face? Oh you think that's funny, huh?! Yeah, that's real funny!
|
| 2245 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | And so then, I put my finger up my butthole, right? And I walked up to Kelly Nelson, and I said, "Do you smell lemon grass?", and she smelled my finger and puked! Hehehehe. Oh, guys, you should have been there.
|
| 2246 | 10 | 10 | A Hall Monitor | Eric, I have to take you to the principal's office.
|
| 2247 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | What? I didn't do it, Kelly Nelson's a liar!
|
| 2248 | 10 | 10 | Hall Monitor | I've been instructed to bring you to the principal's office.
|
| 2249 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Oh, suck my balls you ginger Jew rat hall monitor! Punkass stoolie, who the fuck do you think you are?!
|
| 2250 | 10 | 10 | Hall Monitor | I'm just doin' my job.
|
| 2251 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | I'm juh duh duh duhhh! Do you know why you're a hallway monitor?! Because you don't have any friends! You should kill yourself! You should kill yourself!!
|
| 2252 | 10 | 10 | Principal Victoria | Eric Cartman, report to the principal's office immediately.
|
| 2253 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Aw Goddamnit!
|
| 2254 | 10 | 10 | Principal Victoria | Come on in, Eric.
|
| 2255 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | I'm sorry, Principal Victoria. I didn't mean to do it, how could I have been so foolish?
|
| 2256 | 10 | 10 | Principal Victoria | Eric, the reason we called you in here is because it is your turn to be the school hallway monitor.
|
| 2257 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | The hall monit- me?
|
| 2258 | 10 | 10 | Mr. Mackey | You need to watch for bad behavior, and make sure anyone in the halls during class has a hall pass. M'kay?
|
| 2259 | 10 | 10 | Principal Victoria | If anyone doesn't, you have the authority to bring them to me.
|
| 2260 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Auth- authoritah?
|
| 2261 | 10 | 10 | Mr. Mackey | Now Eric, being the school hallway monitor is a big responsibility. M'kay? It is important that you take the job seriously, and that you don't abuse the power.
|
| 2262 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Ahem. Me?
|
| 2263 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | There's fear and darkness all around you
The criminals are on the run
No use in not having your hall pass
I'll take you to the principal 'cause I'm the Dawg
I am the Dawg, the big bad Dawg
The Hallway Monitor!
|
| 2264 | 10 | 10 | Car Salesman | Hey, kid, get outta there.
|
| 2265 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | That's cool. I'm done making my video anyways. Hall pass! Show me your hall pass!
|
| 2266 | 10 | 10 | Boy | What?
|
| 2267 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | You know what this is? This is the mace that they use on bears, faggot! Now let me see your hall pass!
|
| 2268 | 10 | 10 | Boy | It's right here.
|
| 2269 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | All right, cool, brah. Go with Christ.
|
| 2270 | 10 | 10 | Boy | What? You can't just push me up against the-
|
| 2271 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Argh!
|
| 2272 | 10 | 10 | Boy | Aah!
|
| 2273 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | I am the Dawg, the big bad- Oh my God! What the fuck is this?!
|
| 2274 | 10 | 10 | Teacher | And so this shape with four sides is what, class?
|
| 2275 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Boyarrrgh! Ike Broflovski! You littering my hallway, brah?!
|
| 2276 | 10 | 10 | Teacher | What are you doing?!
|
| 2277 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | I found this in the hallway. Apparently your student Ike has a crush on you. You got a crush on your teacher, brah?! Keep it out of my hallway! Go with Christ. Here you go.
|
| 2278 | 10 | 10 | Teacher | I don't think that's really necessary.
|
| 2279 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Hey! I don't tell you how to run your class, don't tell me how to run my hallway!
|
| 2280 | 10 | 10 | Fillmore | Ike has a crush on teacher!
|
| 2281 | 10 | 10 | Class | Ike has a crush on teacher!
|
| 2282 | 10 | 10 | Teacher | That's enough, class! Okay, well see you tomorrow, everybody. Ike, could you stay just a few minutes, please? Ike, I'm very flattered, by all of your love notes, but I need to be clear. See, there've been a lot of female teachers on the news lately who have been having relationships with young male students and, people might get the wrong idea, even though... I do admire you. You are so smart and gifted. Soo mature for your age.
|
| 2283 | 10 | 10 | Ike | I don't like Mason.
|
| 2284 | 10 | 10 | Teacher | You listen, and you really care about what I have to say. You make me feel things I've never... felt before. Ike, this is crazy. I'm your teacher. How can we be having these feelings for each other? You're so mysterious, and I can't... and I can't...
|
| 2285 | 10 | 10 | REO Speedwagon | And I can't fight this feelin' anymore
I've forgotten what I started fightin' for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crashin' through your door
Baby, I cant fight this feelin' anymore
|
| 2286 | 10 | 10 | Teacher | That was unbelievable. I've never felt like such a woman before. They'll say our love is wrong, but we can't let anybody know; they'll never understand. We were meant to be, I know it. How else could sex be that incredible?
|
| 2287 | 10 | 10 | Ike | Ike made a nuno.
|
| 2288 | 10 | 10 | Butters | Hey there, Mr. Wiener, whattaya know? Do ya need to tinkle tinkle? Yes I do think so.
|
| 2289 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Hands?! Let me see those hands!
|
| 2290 | 10 | 10 | Butters | Haaaah!
|
| 2291 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Where's your pass?! Show me your hall pass, brah!
|
| 2292 | 10 | 10 | Butters | It's, it's... I just had it!
|
| 2293 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | I knew it!
|
| 2294 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Look, brah, I had to bring you in, but I don't have any hard feelin's against you all right?
|
| 2295 | 10 | 10 | Butters | Huh?
|
| 2296 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Here, you need a smoke, brah?
|
| 2297 | 10 | 10 | Butters | Uhh, okay.
|
| 2298 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | You've gotta give yourself over to Christ, brah.
|
| 2299 | 10 | 10 | Butters | I do.
|
| 2300 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Jesus is Lord. You can go one direction in life, or you just walk around the hallways without a hall pass. Or you can see the light, brah.
|
| 2301 | 10 | 10 | Sheila | Kyle, I need you to go get your brother over at his teacher's house.
|
| 2302 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Huh?
|
| 2303 | 10 | 10 | Sheila | Tell his teacher I'm sorry, but I forgot he has a doctor's appointment today.
|
| 2304 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | What's he doing at his teacher's house?
|
| 2305 | 10 | 10 | Sheila | He's been going there in the afternoons for private tutoring.
|
| 2306 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Hello? Excuse me. I'm here to pick up Ike? Uh, hello? Is Ike here? Hello?
|
| 2307 | 10 | 10 | Teacher | OOOH!
|
| 2308 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Oh God! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-ah, I'm looking for my brother. Ike?? What the hell is going on??
|
| 2309 | 10 | 10 | Teacher | Oh, what's the use, Ike? We're caught. Hold on, please, you don't understand.
|
| 2310 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Really?! What's there not to understand?!
|
| 2311 | 10 | 10 | Teacher | Your brother and I... are in love.
|
| 2312 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | He's a little young, don't you think?!
|
| 2313 | 10 | 10 | Ike | Oh.
|
| 2314 | 10 | 10 | Teacher | Ike is very mature for his age, and you know it!
|
| 2315 | 10 | 10 | Ike | Ring around the rosey.
|
| 2316 | 10 | 10 | Teacher | He makes me feel like nobody else does. He loves me and only me, and I know I'm a goddess to him. When we make love, he can give it to me HARD, or soft and gentle-
|
| 2317 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | All right! We're getting the hell out of here!
|
| 2318 | 10 | 10 | Ike | Nonono, nononono.
|
| 2319 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Ike, you can't possibly want this. We have to tell Mom.
|
| 2320 | 10 | 10 | Ike | No, no.
|
| 2321 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Ike?
|
| 2322 | 10 | 10 | Teacher | Is it so hard to believe that true love exists?
|
| 2323 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | This is nuts.
|
| 2324 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Mom, Dad, have you ever met Ike's kindergarten teacher?
|
| 2325 | 10 | 10 | Sheila | Miss Stevenson? Yes. She's very nice.
|
| 2326 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Yeah. Well, she likes Ike a whole lot.
|
| 2327 | 10 | 10 | Sheila | That's great.
|
| 2328 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Yyeah, except maybe it's not perfectly great, because to some degree, Ike and Ms. Stevenson are having an-.
|
| 2329 | 10 | 10 | Ike | Spider-Man! I'm safe, Mom.
|
| 2330 | 10 | 10 | Sheila | Yes, Ike, you like Spider-Man, don't you?
|
| 2331 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Mom, there might be something that you should look into about Ike staying after school all the time-
|
| 2332 | 10 | 10 | Ike | Weohhh part ten. Mom-my I love you I love you.
|
| 2333 | 10 | 10 | Sheila | Mommy loves you too, sweetie.
|
| 2334 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Would you excuse us for a second? You just can't expect me to sit there and say nothing. No, Ike, I'm supposed to be looking out for you. So what? I wasn't going to just blurt it out, I was gonna use some tact, but you won't even let me... What? Uh uh! Stop right there, Ike! Mom, I think maybe you should talk to Ike about love and sex!
|
| 2335 | 10 | 10 | Sheila | Sex? Oh bubbe, Ike is much too young.
|
| 2336 | 10 | 10 | Det. Yates | You're so full of crap, Foley.
|
| 2337 | 10 | 10 | Foley | What? I did shoot him in the face. Twice.
|
| 2338 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Ex, excuse me? My name is... Brad. And uh I need to report a crime. Anonymously.
|
| 2339 | 10 | 10 | Yates | Oh? What's the crime?
|
| 2340 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Well, I attend South Park Elementary, ah-and... w-one of the teachers is having sssex with a student.
|
| 2341 | 10 | 10 | Yates | Oh my God! This is terrible! Ya-you did the right thing telling the police, Brad. Now, who is the teacher? What's his name?
|
| 2342 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Well, it isn't a guy teacher. It's a woman.
|
| 2343 | 10 | 10 | Officer 1 | A woman.
|
| 2344 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Yeah. She's having sex with a boy.
|
| 2345 | 10 | 10 | Officer 2 | Oh, but, but she's ugly, right?
|
| 2346 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Well no, not really. It's the Kindergarten teacher, Miss Stevenson.
|
| 2347 | 10 | 10 | Yates | The blonde?
|
| 2348 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Yeah.
|
| 2349 | 10 | 10 | Officer 1 | Some young boy is having sex with Miss Stevenson?
|
| 2350 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Yes.
|
| 2351 | 10 | 10 | Officer 1 | Nisssse.
|
| 2352 | 10 | 10 | Yates | Nnice.
|
| 2353 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | What?! No, you don't understand-
|
| 2354 | 10 | 10 | Officer 1 | You sure they've had sex?
|
| 2355 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Yeah.
|
| 2356 | 10 | 10 | Officer 3 | Has she performed oral sex on him?
|
| 2357 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | I think so.
|
| 2358 | 10 | 10 | Officer 3 | ...Nice.
|
| 2359 | 10 | 10 | Officer 1 | Nisssse.
|
| 2360 | 10 | 10 | Officer 3 | Nisssse.
|
| 2361 | 10 | 10 | Yates | So wait, what, what's the crime?
|
| 2362 | 10 | 10 | Officer 1 | The crime is, she isn't doing it with me.
|
| 2363 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Hay! He's totally underage. She's taking advantage of him.
|
| 2364 | 10 | 10 | Yates | You're right. We're sorry. This is serious. We need to track this student down and... give him his "Luckiest Boy In America" medal right away.
|
| 2365 | 10 | 10 | Kyles | Gargh!
|
| 2366 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Guys, can I talk to you?
|
| 2367 | 10 | 10 | Stan | Sure dude.
|
| 2368 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | I need you to keep quiet about this, all right? My little brother and his tea-
|
| 2369 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Brahs, it's almost class time. I need you to start clearin' the hallways aright?
|
| 2370 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Not now, Cartman! I have really serious problems!
|
| 2371 | 10 | 10 | Stan | Dude, what's the matter?
|
| 2372 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | The kindergarten teacher is having sex with my little brother.
|
| 2373 | 10 | 10 | Stan | ...Wow.
|
| 2374 | 10 | 10 | Kenny | (Reaaly??)
|
| 2375 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Damn, brah, your little brother's pretty cool.
|
| 2376 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | It's not cool! Ike isn't old enough to understand.
|
| 2377 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | What's to understand? You get a boner, slap her titties around some and then stick it inside her and pee.
|
| 2378 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | "stick it inside her and pee"
|
| 2379 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Well, okay, fine. Unless you don't want to get her pregnant, then you pull it out and pee on her leg.
|
| 2380 | 10 | 10 | Stan | Dude, I really don't see a problem.
|
| 2381 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Yeah, I've got bigger things to deal with.
|
| 2382 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | You guys don't understand! His wacko teacher is like a schoolgirl! They pass notes to each other in the classroom, they have sex at her house over lunch break, and during class they sneak out and kiss in the hallways!
|
| 2383 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | They what??
|
| 2384 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | They sneak out during class and make out in the hallways!
|
| 2385 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Hang on a second: making out in the hallways is strictly against school policy!
|
| 2386 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Well they're doing it!
|
| 2387 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Yeah, well now it's personal! The hallways are my jurisdiction! If there's a hallway infraction going on, they're gonna have to deal with the Dawg!
|
| 2388 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | Okay, just continue with your macaroni pictures. Teacher has to step out for a second. Uh Ike, could you help me out, please? Oh Ike, I just had to have a second alone with you.
|
| 2389 | 10 | 10 | Ike | I like dada better.
|
| 2390 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | I got your love letter, and I wrote you one back. Oh, just one kiss to hold me over for the rest of class.
|
| 2391 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Hall infraction!
|
| 2392 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | Oh uhh, we were just heading back in.
|
| 2393 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | You got a hall pass, brah?!
|
| 2394 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | I don't need a hall pass. I'm a teacher.
|
| 2395 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Yeah? Well, where's his hall pass?!
|
| 2396 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | Look, just let us get back in-
|
| 2397 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Get down on the floor!
|
| 2398 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | We're going back inside!
|
| 2399 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | You like bear mace, icehead?!
|
| 2400 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | Bear mace??
|
| 2401 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | You're goin' with Christ!
|
| 2402 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | Oooooh!
|
| 2403 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | ...And that's what I got, Principal brah. These two were in the hallway making out. She had those love letters on her person.
|
| 2404 | 10 | 10 | Principal Victoria | "Ike, I long to feel your arms around me"?? Miss Stevenson, you- you're having a relationship with this student?
|
| 2405 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Yes. During classtime, without a hall pass.
|
| 2406 | 10 | 10 | Principal Victoria | This is unbelievable.
|
| 2407 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | I know. It's like a hall pass doesn't even matter to her.
|
| 2408 | 10 | 10 | Principal Victoria | Miss Stevenson, I will need to inform the police.
|
| 2409 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | Oh God...
|
| 2410 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | You just dealt with the Dawg, bitch!
|
| 2411 | 10 | 10 | Yates | Sorry we had to do this, but the lady principal insisted.
|
| 2412 | 10 | 10 | Randy | What's goin' on?
|
| 2413 | 10 | 10 | Jimbo | The kindergarten teacher is suspected of having sex with a student
|
| 2414 | 10 | 10 | Randy | With a student? But... she's a woman.
|
| 2415 | 10 | 10 | Jimbo | Yeah. I know.
|
| 2416 | 10 | 10 | Randy | But... she's hot.
|
| 2417 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Wow. I think I owe you one, Cartman.
|
| 2418 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | You don't owe me anything. My hallways are cleeean.
|
| 2419 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Ike, I didn't tell on you, you got busted by the hallway monitor. Okay, okay. I did have something to do with it. But someday you're gonna realize it was for the best.
|
| 2420 | 10 | 10 | Ike | You are dead to me!
|
| 2421 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | What?
|
| 2422 | 10 | 10 | Ike | I said, you're dead to me!
|
| 2423 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | I'm dead to you?
|
| 2424 | 10 | 10 | Ike | You're dead to me, Kyle!
|
| 2425 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | I'm at the police station. They say they found some evidence. I'm so scared. Listen, I want you to know it's okay. If anybody tries to talk to you, you don't need to say anything. Just leave it to me. I know a way out of this.
|
| 2426 | 10 | 10 | Reporter | Tom, an elementary school teacher is under arrest for allegedly having an affair... with one of her young students. The case is shocking, due mostly to the fact that the teacher... is pretty hot, Tom. If the accusations are true, then... damn! Uh, looks like the defendant and her lawyer are about to give a statement, Tom.
|
| 2427 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | I am deeply sorry to announce that the allegations against me are true. Over the past several weeks, I have been having physical relations with one of my students.
|
| 2428 | 10 | 10 | Man 1 | Nice.
|
| 2429 | 10 | 10 | Man 2 | Nissse
|
| 2430 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | I know my actions were wrong, but I cannot be fully to blame. You see, I am an alcoholic.
|
| 2431 | 10 | 10 | Officer 4 | Ohhhh.
|
| 2432 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | Yes, I'm afraid it's true.
|
| 2433 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Oh no!
|
| 2434 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | What?
|
| 2435 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | I don't believe it. She's using the Mel Gibson defense.
|
| 2436 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | I am a perfectly good person, but when I drink, the alcohol makes me say and do things I wouldn't normally do.
|
| 2437 | 10 | 10 | Yates | Well, that explains it.
|
| 2438 | 10 | 10 | Officer 1 | Do we still press charges?
|
| 2439 | 10 | 10 | Yates | Who are we gonna convict? Johnny Walker?
|
| 2440 | 10 | 10 | Man 3 | Poor woman. She's a victim.
|
| 2441 | 10 | 10 | Randy | Yeah, she's a hot victim.
|
| 2442 | 10 | 10 | Lawyer | My client has agreed to check herself into rehab immediately.
|
| 2443 | 10 | 10 | Print Reporter | Good luck, ma'am. You can beat your alcoholism.
|
| 2444 | 10 | 10 | Therapist | Alcohol is a crutch which we use to medicate ourselves; to, to cover up emotional baggage from our past. Was there ever a history of sexual abuse in your family?
|
| 2445 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | No, but my uncle used to ask me and my twin sister to loss and he'd take pictures.
|
| 2446 | 10 | 10 | Therapist | Nissse. Congratulations, Miss Stevenson.
|
| 2447 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | All better now.
|
| 2448 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | Ike.
|
| 2449 | 10 | 10 | Ike | Miss Stephenson
|
| 2450 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | Ike, we have to get out of here! They'll never let us be together. I think... I think we should go to Milan, like we always talked about.
|
| 2451 | 10 | 10 | Ike | Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay, Mulan!
|
| 2452 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | Get your things together. We don't have much time.
|
| 2453 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Ike, are you okay? Ike? Iiiike!
|
| 2454 | 10 | 10 | Yates | Are you sure you're not lying, Foley?
|
| 2455 | 10 | 10 | Foley | No, really! I shot both of them! They weren't even doin' nothin'!
|
| 2456 | 10 | 10 | Sheila | Help! Please, I need your help! That teacher, Miss Stevenson, she, she left town with my son! I got a note saying they're going to Milan!
|
| 2457 | 10 | 10 | Yates | You're kidding!
|
| 2458 | 10 | 10 | Sheila | No, it's true!
|
| 2459 | 10 | 10 | Yates | Damnit, where were all these sexed-up teachers when I was a kid?!
|
| 2460 | 10 | 10 | Sheila | This is serious!
|
| 2461 | 10 | 10 | Officer 3 | Yeah, boys going to Milan with a beautiful older woman. Quick! Call the FBI!
|
| 2462 | 10 | 10 | Sheila | Are you going to do nothing?!
|
| 2463 | 10 | 10 | Yates | All right all right, we'll make a report. Jesus...
|
| 2464 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | There you are. What are you doing? You giving up, brah?!
|
| 2465 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Dude, my brother's in Milan. There's nothing I can do.
|
| 2466 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | No, they haven't left yet. Their flight is tomorrow morning.
|
| 2467 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | How do you know that?
|
| 2468 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | I had Beth check out their Travelocity account.
|
| 2469 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Who's Beth?
|
| 2470 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Beth is my bitch. I put a whole crew together, brah. I'm gonna get that hallway-defilng slut no matter what it takes! Are you in?!
|
| 2471 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | I got some badass guys to help me.
I only had to pay them fifteen bucks.
You think you got away with not having a hall pass?
You won't get away from me 'cause I'm the Dawg!
I am the Dawg, the big bad Dawg!
Think you can get away with not having a hall pass? Think again! How was that, Butters?
|
| 2472 | 10 | 10 | Butters | Ehthat was pretty good.
|
| 2473 | 10 | 10 | Kyle | Can we get going now, please?!
|
| 2474 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Yep. We're all done with the video, let's move out!
|
| 2475 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | Ike, is that all you're gonna do is watch TV?
|
| 2476 | 10 | 10 | Ike | I love TV. Yaaay!
|
| 2477 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | But what about me? I want to talk.
|
| 2478 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Everyone get a good look at our fugitive! I want her taken down fast and clean!
|
| 2479 | 10 | 10 | Leeroy | She ran away; now she got to deal with the Dawg, huh?
|
| 2480 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Beth found out they have a room at the Airport Hilton. We need to search it. Here's the hotel! Beth, tell Leeroy to pull up here! All right, let's go! Move out!
|
| 2481 | 10 | 10 | Bellboy | Hey! You can't leave your car there!
|
| 2482 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | It's okay! I'm a hallway monitor! Keep separation! Leeroy, check out our twenty!
|
| 2483 | 10 | 10 | Receptionist | Can I help you?
|
| 2484 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | You seen this woman, brah? She's staying here!
|
| 2485 | 10 | 10 | Receptionist | Who are you?
|
| 2486 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | I am the Dawg, the big bad Dawg!
|
| 2487 | 10 | 10 | Head Concierge | I think you should leave before I call the police!
|
| 2488 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Beth! Bear-mace that guy! Let's check out the rooms! Leeroy and Kyle go that way! Beth, you come with me!
|
| 2489 | 10 | 10 | Bellboy | We need police here, right away!
|
| 2490 | 10 | 10 | Guest 1 | Yes?
|
| 2491 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | I'm looking for this teacher! Is she in your room, brah?!
|
| 2492 | 10 | 10 | Guest 2 | Do you mind keepin' it down?
|
| 2493 | 10 | 10 | Cartman | Keep your mouth shut, brah!!
|
| 2494 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | Oh no! Ike! They're on to us!
|
| 2495 | 10 | 10 | Ike | Oh no!
|
| 2496 | 10 | 10 | Miss Stevenson | Hurry darling! We have to get out of here!
|
| 2497 | 10 | 10 | Officers | What have we got? What have we got?!
|
| 2498 | 10 | 10 | Officer 5 | Who called 911?!
|
| 2499 | 10 | 10 | Receptionist | They went that way. Look out! They have bear mace!
|
| 2500 | 10 | 10 | Leeroy | Open up! I'm with the Dawg!
|
