cleanup
This commit is contained in:
Adam
parent
d3417ec437
commit
5d50081fc3
3 changed files with 571 additions and 566 deletions
85
ligma.py
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85
ligma.py
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import numpy as np
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def ligma():
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ligma = [
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'https://tenor.com/view/ligma-ligma-balls-atomicrops-gif-24996966',
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'https://tenor.com/view/ligma-balls-gif-12236083',
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'https://tenor.com/view/will-smith-ligma-funny-gif-25108308',
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'https://tenor.com/view/racoon-wiggle-nuts-balls-gif-8085185',
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'https://tenor.com/view/jesus-biglebowski-balls-gif-9633055',
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'https://tenor.com/view/big-black-fuzzy-balls-fuzzy-balls-big-balls-eddie-griffin-undercover-brother-gif-5548455',
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'https://tenor.com/view/ballcrushing-bust-ballbusting-balls-gif-14635943',
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'https://tenor.com/view/cup-check-balls-ouch-sack-gif-10728090',
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'https://tenor.com/view/xie-lian-ligma-balls-ligma-tgcf-tian-gua-ci-fu-gif-21869659',
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'https://tenor.com/view/lick-taste-tongue-out-gif-16957327',
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'https://tenor.com/view/rickandmorty-lick-lickballs-gif-9913722',
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'https://tenor.com/view/ligma-balls-gif-12236636',
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'https://tenor.com/view/ligma-balls-gif-22082587',
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'https://tenor.com/view/its-all-free-free-no-charge-free-of-charge-naughty-teddy-gif-19338184',
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'https://tenor.com/view/ligma-balls-sonic-act-lick-gif-21274274',
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'https://tenor.com/view/balls-dance-rotate-beating-gif-17433105',
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'https://tenor.com/view/david-bowie-labyrinth-balls-magic-balls-magic-gif-16043363',
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'https://tenor.com/view/kawaii-muski-muski-omori-ligma-balls-gif-21138025',
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'https://tenor.com/view/ligma-ligamab-alls-tower-of-babel-gaming-tobg-riamu-yumemi-gif-24359574',
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'https://tenor.com/view/goat-lick-tongue-tongue-out-tongue-wiggle-gif-16390888',
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'https://tenor.com/view/bleh-tongue-out-lickitung-pokemon-detective-pikachu-gif-15798020',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-wheel-of-fortune-gif-15264920',
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'https://tenor.com/view/hello-chat-deez-nuts-hello-chat-deez-nuts-gif-25294032',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-troll-troll-face-troll-face-smile-dark-gif-23624288',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-gif-22383209',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nutz-deez-nuts-deez-nutz-heart-locket-gif-22497345',
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'https://tenor.com/view/ball-inspection-balls-inspection-football-bobux-gif-19234883',
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'https://tenor.com/view/sesame-street-proud-hug-puppet-yay-gif-19663674',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deez-deez-nuts-initial-d-ligma-steve-jobs-gif-23065842',
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'https://tenor.com/view/testing-new-deez-nuts-ha-teeth-gif-15758045',
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'https://tenor.com/view/longest-drive-gif-20862347',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deez-deez-nuts-discord-gif-20296574',
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'https://tenor.com/view/these-nuts-deez-gif-13388028',
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'https://tenor.com/view/pepe-deez-nuts-pepe-the-frog-pepe-holding-sign-deez-nuts-gif-deez-nuts-ha-gif-22618462',
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'https://tenor.com/view/squirrel-i-have-got-words-for-you-you-want-deez-nuts-gif-15404415',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-are-you-ready-gif-20161550',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-nutz-deez-gif-18259525',
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'https://tenor.com/view/dee-gif-4387670',
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'https://tenor.com/view/omori-deez-nuts-so-funny-funny-joke-right-guys-gif-21468920',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deeznuts-gif-5578640',
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'https://tenor.com/view/dznutz-gif-7146897',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nut-deez-nuts-gobble-gobble-deez-nuts-gif-25294130',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-gif-22383209',
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'https://tenor.com/view/guilty-gear-strive-happy-chaos-deez-nuts-gif-guilty-gear-gif-23786775',
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'https://tenor.com/view/mouth-full-my-nuts-squirrel-mine-get-away-gif-14154065',
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'https://tenor.com/view/friday-night-funkin-deez-nuts-hop-on-gif-22197266',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-cookie-deez-nutz-deez-nuts-nft-gif-23901553',
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'https://tenor.com/view/homare-arisugawa-a3-deez-nuts-gif-22718748',
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'https://tenor.com/view/cope-deez-cope-on-deez-colossalcraft-coping-gif-23556695',
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'https://tenor.com/view/hug-kiss-gif-23992029',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nutz-deez-nuts-gif-22037745',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-nft-deez-nuts-gif-deez-nuts-deez-big-nuts-deez-gif-23605637',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deez-deez-nuts-gif-25652186',
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'https://tenor.com/view/gulpin-deeznuts-gif-21798060',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-deez-burger-king-burger-king-crown-airplane-gif-21978215',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-rap-john-oh-you-really-like-deez-nut-up-in-your-face-gif-22744730',
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'https://tenor.com/view/hop-on-deez-nuts-gif-25437799',
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'https://tenor.com/view/h3-h3podcast-5percent-five-percent-h3five-percent-gif-24149085',
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'https://tenor.com/view/youre-sucking-deez-nuts-gif-21505910',
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'https://tenor.com/view/eokel-valorant-youtube-gif-22895296',
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'https://tenor.com/view/fortune-cooke-deez-nuts-lmao-cookie-fortune-gif-21740031',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-takemichi-feet-gif-22705365',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-dana-gif-19615763',
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'https://tenor.com/view/smg4-gif-23834017',
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'https://tenor.com/view/urmom-hololive-gif-21993936',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-paradise-pd-crabbage-gif-21925327',
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'https://tenor.com/view/willem-dafoe-insane-insanity-crazy-nuts-gif-20731647',
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'https://tenor.com/view/yogi-bear-yogi-bear-doughnuts-deez-nuts-gif-gif-23782410',
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'https://tenor.com/view/dane-cook-carpe-deez-nuts-floyd-waiting-gif-17393528',
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'https://tenor.com/view/what-are-you-putting-on-your-wiener-what-is-on-your-wiener-what-do-you-put-on-your-wiener-on-your-wiener-your-wiener-gif-18064519',
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'https://tenor.com/view/king-kong-deez-nuts-meme-kong-king-gif-21432884',
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'https://tenor.com/view/bangbang-gun-shot-powpow-pow-gif-21746849',
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'https://tenor.com/view/mcdonalds-meme-gif-mickey-deez-gif-9926547',
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'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-spongebob-gif-5267436',
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'https://tenor.com/view/hangover-nuts-chow-ken-jeong-the-hangover-gif-13028372',
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'https://tenor.com/view/snl-natalie-portman-jiggle-nuts-lonely-gif-15048024',
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'https://tenor.com/view/omegalul-deez-deez-nuts-twitch-clips-gif-22601733',
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'https://tenor.com/view/you-ready-deez-nuts-gif-18188433',
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'https://media.giphy.com/media/jt3R5veCXNM1jJ183A/giphy-downsized-large.gif',
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]
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return np.random.choice(ligma)
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479
limericks.py
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479
limericks.py
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import numpy as np
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def limerick():
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limericks = [
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'Limericks I cannot compose,\n\
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With noxious smells in my nose.\n\
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But this one was easy,\n\
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I only felt queasy,\n\
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Because I was sniffing my toes.',
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\
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'There was a young woman named Bright,\n\
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Whose speed was much faster than light.\n\
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She set out one day,\n\
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In a relative way,\n\
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And returned on the previous night.',
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\
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'There was an odd fellow named Gus,\n\
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When traveling he made such a fuss.\n\
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He was banned from the train,\n\
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Not allowed on a plane,\n\
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And now travels only by bus.',
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\
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'There once was a fly on the wall,\n\
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I wonder, why didn’t it fall?\n\
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Because its feet stuck? Or was it just luck?\n\
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Or does gravity miss things so small?',
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\
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'There once was a man from Tibet,\n\
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Who couldn’t find a cigarette\n\
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So he smoked all his socks,\n\
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and got chicken-pox,\n\
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and had to go to the vet.',
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\
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'There was a young woman named Bright,\n\
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Whose speed was much faster than light.\n\
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She set out one day,\n\
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In a relative way,\n\
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And returned on the previous night.',
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\
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'I need a front door for my hall,\n\
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The replacement I bought was too tall.\n\
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So I hacked it and chopped it,\n\
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And carefully lopped it,\n\
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And now the dumb thing is too small',
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\
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'There once was a boy named Dan,\n\
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who wanted to fry in a pan.\n\
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He tried and he tried,\n\
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and eventually died,\n\
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that weird little boy named Dan.',
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\
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'A newspaperman named Fling,\n\
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Could make “copy” from any old thing.\n\
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But the copy he wrote,\n\
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Of a five-dollar note,\n\
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Was so good he now wears so much bling.',
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\
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'I know an old owl named Boo,\n\
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Every night he yelled Hoo,\n\
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Once a kid walked by,\n\
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And started to cry,\n\
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And yelled I don’t have a clue!',
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\
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'I once fell in love with a blonde,\n\
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But found that she wasn’t so fond.\n\
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Of my pet turtle named Odle,\n\
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whom I’d taught how to Yodel,\n\
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So she dumped him outside in the pond.',
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\
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'I’d rather have Fingers than Toes,\n\
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I’d rather have Ears than a Nose.\n\
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And as for my Hair,\n\
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I’m glad it’s all there,\n\
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I’ll be awfully sad, when it goes.',
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\
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'There was a Young Lady whose chin\n\
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Resembled the point of a pin:\n\
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So she had it made sharp,\n\
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And purchased a harp,\n\
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And played several tunes with her chin. (Edward Lear)',
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\
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'Hickory Dickory dock,\n\
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the mouse ran up the clock;\n\
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the clock struck one\n\
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and down he run;\n\
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hickory Dickory dock. (Charles Perrault)',
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\
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'There was a faith-healer of Deal,\n\
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Who said: “Although pain isn’t real,\n\
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If I sit on a pin\n\
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And it punctures my skin,\n\
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I dislike what I fancy I feel.',
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\
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'My dog is really quite hip,\n\
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Except when he takes a cold dip.\n\
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He looks like a fool,\n\
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when he jumps in the pool,\n\
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and reminds me of a sinking ship.',
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\
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'A painter, who lived in Great Britain,\n\
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Interrupted two girls with their knitting,\n\
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He said, with a sigh,\n\
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That park bench–well I,\n\
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Just painted it, right where you’re sitting.',
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\
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'There is a young schoolboy named Mason,\n\
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Whose mom cuts his hair with a basin.\n\
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When he stands in one place,\n\
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With a scarf round his face,\n\
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It’s a mystery which way he’s facing.',
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\
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'There was a young schoolboy of Rye,\n\
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Who was baked by mistake in a pie.\n\
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To his mother’s disgust,\n\
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He emerged through the crust,\n\
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And exclaimed, with a yawn, Where am I?',
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\
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'An elderly man called Keith,\n\
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Mislaid his set of false teeth.\n\
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They’d been laid on a chair,\n\
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He’d forgot they were there,\n\
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Sat down, and was bitten beneath.',
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\
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'There was an old man of Peru,\n\
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Who dreamt he was eating his shoe.\n\
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He woke in the night,\n\
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With a terrible fright,\n\
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And found it was perfectly true.',
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\
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'The incredible Wizard of Oz,\n\
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Retired from his business becoz.\n\
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Due to up-to-date science,\n\
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To most of his clients,\n\
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He wasn’t the Wizard he woz.',
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\
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'Once I visited France,\n\
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And learned a new, awesome dance.\n\
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I twirled,\n\
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And I swirled,\n\
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And Is it me or the nature of money,\n\
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That’s odd and particularly funny.\n\
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But when I have dough,\n\
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It goes quickly, you know,\n\
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And seeps out of my pockets like honey.\n\
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I lost my pants.',
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\
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'Is it me or the nature of money,\n\
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That’s odd and particularly funny.\n\
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But when I have dough,\n\
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It goes quickly, you know,\n\
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And seeps out of my pockets like honey.',
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\
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'There once was a farmer from Leeds,\n\
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Who swallowed a packet of seeds.\n\
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It soon came to pass,\n\
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He was covered with grass,\n\
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But has all the tomatoes he needs.',
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\
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'A fellow jumped off a high wall,\n\
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And had a most terrible fall.\n\
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He went back to bed,\n\
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With a bump on his head,\n\
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That’s why you don’t jump off a wall.',
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\
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'A man and his lady-love, Min,\n\
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Skated out where the ice was quite thin.\n\
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Had a quarrel, no doubt,\n\
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For I hear they fell out,\n\
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What a blessing they didn’t fall in!',
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\
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'There was a young lady of Cork,\n\
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Whose Pa made a fortune in pork.\n\
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He bought for his daughter,\n\
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A tutor who taught her,\n\
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To balance green peas on her fork.',
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\
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'There once was a Martian called Zed\n\
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With antennae all over his head.\n\
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He sent out a lot\n\
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Di-di-dash-di-dot\n\
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But nobody knew what he said!',
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\
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'There once was a girl named Sam\n\
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Who did not eat roast beef and ham\n\
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She ate a green apple\n\
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Then drank some Snapple\n\
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Some say she eats like a lamb.',
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\
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'Said the man with a wink of his eye\n\
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‘But I love you‘ and then the reply\n\
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From the girl, it was heard\n\
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‘You are truly absurd!\n\
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I have only this moment walked by!’',
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\
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'A wonderful bird is the Pelican.\n\
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His beak can hold more than his belly can.\n\
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He can hold in his beak\n\
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Enough food for a week!\n\
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But I’ll be darned if I know how the hellican?',
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\
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'There was once a great man in Japan\n\
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Whose name on Tuesday began,\n\
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It lasted through Sunday\n\
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Till twilight on Monday\n\
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And it sounded like stones in a can.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'There was a young man so benighted\n\
|
||||||
|
He never knew when he was slighted;\n\
|
||||||
|
He would go to a party\n\
|
||||||
|
And eat just as hearty,\n\
|
||||||
|
As if he’d been really invited.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'There was an old man from Sudan,\n\
|
||||||
|
Whose limericks never would scan.\n\
|
||||||
|
When told this was so,\n\
|
||||||
|
He said, ‘yes, I know.\n\
|
||||||
|
‘But I always try to get as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can.’',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'A maiden at college, Miss Breeze,\n\
|
||||||
|
Weighed down by B.A.s and Lit.D’s,\n\
|
||||||
|
Collapsed from the strain,\n\
|
||||||
|
Said her doctor, “It’s plain\n\
|
||||||
|
You are killing yourself—by degrees!”',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'A canner, exceedingly canny,\n\
|
||||||
|
One morning remarked to his granny,\n\
|
||||||
|
“A canner can can\n\
|
||||||
|
Anything that he can;\n\
|
||||||
|
But a canner can’t can a can, can he?”',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd\n\
|
||||||
|
She was frightened—it must be allowed.\n\
|
||||||
|
Soon a happy thought hit her—\n\
|
||||||
|
To scare off the critter,\n\
|
||||||
|
She sat up in bed and meowed.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'There was a young woman named Kite,\n\
|
||||||
|
Whose speed was much faster than light,\n\
|
||||||
|
She set out one day,\n\
|
||||||
|
In a relative way,\n\
|
||||||
|
And returned on the previous night.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'A flea and a fly in a flue,\n\
|
||||||
|
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?\n\
|
||||||
|
Said the fly, “Let us flee!”\n\
|
||||||
|
“Let us fly,” said the flea,\n\
|
||||||
|
And they flew through a flaw in the flue.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'A major, with wonderful force,\n\
|
||||||
|
Called out in Hyde Park for a horse.\n\
|
||||||
|
All the flowers looked round,\n\
|
||||||
|
But no horse could be found;\n\
|
||||||
|
So he just rhododendron, of course.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'A nifty young flapper named Jane\n\
|
||||||
|
While walking was caught in the rain.\n\
|
||||||
|
She ran–almost flew,\n\
|
||||||
|
Her complexion did too,\n\
|
||||||
|
And she reached home exceedingly plain.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'“There’s a train at 4:04,” said Miss Jenny.\n\
|
||||||
|
“Four tickets I’ll take; have you any?”\n\
|
||||||
|
Said the man at the door,\n\
|
||||||
|
“Not four for 4:04,\n\
|
||||||
|
For four for 4:04 is too many.”',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'A canny young fisher named Fisher\n\
|
||||||
|
Once fished from the edge of a fissure.\n\
|
||||||
|
A fish with a grin\n\
|
||||||
|
Pulled the fisherman in—\n\
|
||||||
|
Now they’re fishing the fissure for Fisher.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'Here’s to the chigger,\n\
|
||||||
|
The bug that’s no bigger\n\
|
||||||
|
Than the point of an undersized pin;\n\
|
||||||
|
But the welt that he raises\n\
|
||||||
|
Sure itches like blazes,\n\
|
||||||
|
And that’s where the rub comes in!',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'A cheerful old bear at the Zoo\n\
|
||||||
|
Could always find something to do.\n\
|
||||||
|
When it bored him, you know,\n\
|
||||||
|
To walk to and fro,\n\
|
||||||
|
He reversed it and walked fro and to.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'The bottle of perfume that Willie sent\n\
|
||||||
|
Was highly displeasing to Millicent;\n\
|
||||||
|
Her thanks were so cold\n\
|
||||||
|
They quarreled, I’m told,\n\
|
||||||
|
Through that silly scent Willie sent Millicent.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'I bought a new Hoover today,\n\
|
||||||
|
Plugged it in in the usual way,\n\
|
||||||
|
Switched it on – what a din;\n\
|
||||||
|
It sucked everything in,\n\
|
||||||
|
Now I’m homeless with no place to stay.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'A crossword compiler named Moss\n\
|
||||||
|
Who found himself quite at a loss\n\
|
||||||
|
When asked, ‘Why so blue?’\n\
|
||||||
|
Said, ‘I haven’t a clue\n\
|
||||||
|
I’m 2 Down to put 1 Across.’',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'I’m papering walls in the loo\n\
|
||||||
|
And quite frankly I haven’t a clue;\n\
|
||||||
|
For the pattern’s all wrong\n\
|
||||||
|
(Or the paper’s too long)\n\
|
||||||
|
And I’m stuck to the toilet with glue.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'There once was an old man of Esser,\n\
|
||||||
|
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,\n\
|
||||||
|
It at last grew so small\n\
|
||||||
|
He knew nothing at all\n\
|
||||||
|
And now he’s a college professor.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'To compose a sonata today,\n\
|
||||||
|
Don’t proceed in the old-fashioned way:\n\
|
||||||
|
With your toes on the keys,\n\
|
||||||
|
Bang the floor with your knees:\n\
|
||||||
|
“Oh how modern!” the critics will say.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'There was a young lady named Perkins,\n\
|
||||||
|
Who just simply doted on gherkins.\n\
|
||||||
|
In spite of advice,\n\
|
||||||
|
She ate so much spice,\n\
|
||||||
|
That she pickled her internal workins’.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'There was an old man of Nantucket\n\
|
||||||
|
Who kept all his cash in a bucket;\n\
|
||||||
|
But his daughter, named Nan\n\
|
||||||
|
Ran away with a man —\n\
|
||||||
|
And as far as the bucket, Nantucket.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'There was a young lady of Kent,\n\
|
||||||
|
Whose nose was most awfully bent.\n\
|
||||||
|
She followed her nose\n\
|
||||||
|
One day, I suppose —\n\
|
||||||
|
And no one knows which way she went.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'There was a young lady named Hannah,\n\
|
||||||
|
Who slipped on a peel of banana.\n\
|
||||||
|
As she lay on her side,\n\
|
||||||
|
More stars she espied\n\
|
||||||
|
Than there are in the Star-Spangled Banner.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'There was a dear lady of Eden,\n\
|
||||||
|
Who on apples was quite fond of feedin’;\n\
|
||||||
|
She gave one to Adam,\n\
|
||||||
|
Who said, “Thank you, Madam,”\n\
|
||||||
|
And then both skedaddled from Eden.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'A certain young fellow named Bee-Bee\n\
|
||||||
|
Wished to wed a woman named Phoebe.\n\
|
||||||
|
“But,” he said, “I must see\n\
|
||||||
|
What the clerical fee\n\
|
||||||
|
Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Bee-Bee',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'Remember when nearly sixteen\n\
|
||||||
|
On your very first date as a teen\n\
|
||||||
|
At the movies? If yes,\n\
|
||||||
|
Then I bet you can’t guess\n\
|
||||||
|
What was shown on the cinema screen.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'There was an old person of Fratton\n\
|
||||||
|
Who would go to church with his hat on.\n\
|
||||||
|
‘If I wake up,’ he said,\n\
|
||||||
|
‘With a hat on my head,\n\
|
||||||
|
I will know that it hasn’t been sat on.’',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'My neighbor came over to say\n\
|
||||||
|
(Although not in a neighborly way)\n\
|
||||||
|
That he’d knock me around\n\
|
||||||
|
If I didn’t curb the sound\n\
|
||||||
|
Of the classical music I play.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'I told him, “Get out of my place\n\
|
||||||
|
You’re an utter uncultured disgrace;\n\
|
||||||
|
You’re a simpleton loon.\n\
|
||||||
|
Don’t you know a good tune?”\n\
|
||||||
|
Then he walloped me square in the face.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'There was a young man from Dealing\n\
|
||||||
|
Who caught the bus for Ealing.\n\
|
||||||
|
It said on the door\n\
|
||||||
|
‘Don’t spit on the floor’\n\
|
||||||
|
So he jumped up and spat on the ceiling',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'As 007 walked by\n\
|
||||||
|
He heard a wee spider say, “Hi.”\n\
|
||||||
|
But shaken, he shot\n\
|
||||||
|
It right there on the spot\n\
|
||||||
|
As it tried to explain, “I’m a spi …”',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'A tutor who tooted the flute\n\
|
||||||
|
Tried to tutor two tooters to toot\n\
|
||||||
|
Said the two to the tutor\n\
|
||||||
|
“Is it tougher to toot or\n\
|
||||||
|
To tutor two tooters to toot?”',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'No woodsman would cut a wood, would he\n\
|
||||||
|
If woods would be woodless – nor should he.\n\
|
||||||
|
Yet no woodcutter would\n\
|
||||||
|
Cut a woody-wood wood\n\
|
||||||
|
If no woodsmen cut woody woods, would he?',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'There once was a man from the sticks\n\
|
||||||
|
Who loved to compose limericks\n\
|
||||||
|
But he failed at his sport\n\
|
||||||
|
They were always too short\n\
|
||||||
|
Parade Daily\n\
|
||||||
|
Celebrity interviews, recipes and health tips delivered to your inbox.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'A poet whose friends called him Steve\n\
|
||||||
|
Once showed quite a will to achieve\n\
|
||||||
|
His skill grew so strong\n\
|
||||||
|
That his poems grew long\n\
|
||||||
|
And he sadly was forced to abbrev.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'If you catch a chinchilla in Chile\n\
|
||||||
|
And cut off its beard, willy-nilly\n\
|
||||||
|
You can honestly say\n\
|
||||||
|
That you have just made\n\
|
||||||
|
A Chilean chinchilla’s chin chilly',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'There once was a man named Muvett\n\
|
||||||
|
Who lived in the city of Lovett\n\
|
||||||
|
But his car broke down\n\
|
||||||
|
Two miles out of town\n\
|
||||||
|
And Muvett had to shove it to Lovett!',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'There once was a beautiful nurse\n\
|
||||||
|
Who carried an ugly old purse\n\
|
||||||
|
But she tripped on the door\n\
|
||||||
|
And fell on the floor\n\
|
||||||
|
And they both went away in the hearse.',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'There was a young girl from Flynn\n\
|
||||||
|
Who was so terribly thin\n\
|
||||||
|
When she sipped lemonade\n\
|
||||||
|
Through a straw in the shade\n\
|
||||||
|
She slipped through the straw and fell in!',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'There once was a man from Gorem\n\
|
||||||
|
Had a pair of tight pants and he wore ’em\n\
|
||||||
|
When he bowed with a grin\n\
|
||||||
|
A draft of air rushed in\n\
|
||||||
|
And he knew by the sound that he tore ’em!',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'There once was a man from the city\n\
|
||||||
|
Stooped to pat what he thought was a kitty\n\
|
||||||
|
He gave it a pat\n\
|
||||||
|
But it wasn’t a cat-\n\
|
||||||
|
They buried his clothes – what a pity!',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'There once was a gal from Decatur\n\
|
||||||
|
Who went to sing in a the-a-ter\n\
|
||||||
|
But the poor little thing\n\
|
||||||
|
When she started to sing\n\
|
||||||
|
Got hit by a rotten termater! (tomato)',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'What happens when you retire?\n\
|
||||||
|
You really don’t have to inquire –\n\
|
||||||
|
No job and no phone\n\
|
||||||
|
There’s no place but home,\n\
|
||||||
|
And your checkbook’s about to expire!',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'At times I’m so mad that I’m hopping.\n\
|
||||||
|
My angriness sets my veins popping.\n\
|
||||||
|
I yell and I curse,\n\
|
||||||
|
With swear words diverse,\n\
|
||||||
|
But my wife does much worse: she goes shopping',
|
||||||
|
\
|
||||||
|
'One Saturday morning at three,\n\
|
||||||
|
A cheese monger’s shop in Paree.\n\
|
||||||
|
Collapsed to the ground,\n\
|
||||||
|
With a thunderous sound,\n\
|
||||||
|
Leaving only a pile of de brie.'
|
||||||
|
]
|
||||||
|
return np.random.choice(limericks)
|
||||||
573
lulzbot.py
573
lulzbot.py
|
|
@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
|
||||||
l1gmab0t =' \n\
|
motd =' \n\
|
||||||
_ _ ____ ___ _ \n\
|
_ _ ____ ___ _ \n\
|
||||||
| | _ _| | ___| __ ) / _ \| |_ \n\
|
| | _ _| | ___| __ ) / _ \| |_ \n\
|
||||||
| | | | | | | |_ / _ \| | | | __| \n\
|
| | | | | | | |_ / _ \| | | | __| \n\
|
||||||
|
|
@ -6,10 +6,10 @@ l1gmab0t =' \n\
|
||||||
|_____\__,_|_____/___|____/ \___/ \__| \n\
|
|_____\__,_|_____/___|____/ \___/ \__| \n\
|
||||||
'
|
'
|
||||||
# Discord Bot
|
# Discord Bot
|
||||||
import discord
|
import discord, datetime, time
|
||||||
import datetime
|
|
||||||
import time
|
|
||||||
from fortune import fortune
|
from fortune import fortune
|
||||||
|
from ligma import ligma
|
||||||
|
from limericks import limerick
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
TOKEN = open('discord_token').read()
|
TOKEN = open('discord_token').read()
|
||||||
chuck = open('chucknorris').read().split('\n%\n')
|
chuck = open('chucknorris').read().split('\n%\n')
|
||||||
|
|
@ -19,7 +19,6 @@ client = discord.Client(activity=discord.Game(name='with myself'))
|
||||||
import numpy as np
|
import numpy as np
|
||||||
from transformers import AutoTokenizer, AutoModelForCausalLM
|
from transformers import AutoTokenizer, AutoModelForCausalLM
|
||||||
import torch
|
import torch
|
||||||
import asyncio
|
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
tokenizer = AutoTokenizer.from_pretrained('microsoft/DialoGPT-large')
|
tokenizer = AutoTokenizer.from_pretrained('microsoft/DialoGPT-large')
|
||||||
model = AutoModelForCausalLM.from_pretrained('../southpark/output-medium')
|
model = AutoModelForCausalLM.from_pretrained('../southpark/output-medium')
|
||||||
|
|
@ -52,568 +51,10 @@ Commands:\n\
|
||||||
Contribute!\
|
Contribute!\
|
||||||
https://github.com/adoyle0/lulzbot```'
|
https://github.com/adoyle0/lulzbot```'
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
ligma = [
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/ligma-ligma-balls-atomicrops-gif-24996966',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/ligma-balls-gif-12236083',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/will-smith-ligma-funny-gif-25108308',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/racoon-wiggle-nuts-balls-gif-8085185',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/jesus-biglebowski-balls-gif-9633055',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/big-black-fuzzy-balls-fuzzy-balls-big-balls-eddie-griffin-undercover-brother-gif-5548455',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/ballcrushing-bust-ballbusting-balls-gif-14635943',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/cup-check-balls-ouch-sack-gif-10728090',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/xie-lian-ligma-balls-ligma-tgcf-tian-gua-ci-fu-gif-21869659',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/lick-taste-tongue-out-gif-16957327',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/rickandmorty-lick-lickballs-gif-9913722',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/ligma-balls-gif-12236636',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/ligma-balls-gif-22082587',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/its-all-free-free-no-charge-free-of-charge-naughty-teddy-gif-19338184',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/ligma-balls-sonic-act-lick-gif-21274274',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/balls-dance-rotate-beating-gif-17433105',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/david-bowie-labyrinth-balls-magic-balls-magic-gif-16043363',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/kawaii-muski-muski-omori-ligma-balls-gif-21138025',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/ligma-ligamab-alls-tower-of-babel-gaming-tobg-riamu-yumemi-gif-24359574',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/goat-lick-tongue-tongue-out-tongue-wiggle-gif-16390888',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/bleh-tongue-out-lickitung-pokemon-detective-pikachu-gif-15798020',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-wheel-of-fortune-gif-15264920',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/hello-chat-deez-nuts-hello-chat-deez-nuts-gif-25294032',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-troll-troll-face-troll-face-smile-dark-gif-23624288',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-gif-22383209',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nutz-deez-nuts-deez-nutz-heart-locket-gif-22497345',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/ball-inspection-balls-inspection-football-bobux-gif-19234883',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/sesame-street-proud-hug-puppet-yay-gif-19663674',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deez-deez-nuts-initial-d-ligma-steve-jobs-gif-23065842',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/testing-new-deez-nuts-ha-teeth-gif-15758045',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/longest-drive-gif-20862347',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deez-deez-nuts-discord-gif-20296574',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/these-nuts-deez-gif-13388028',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/pepe-deez-nuts-pepe-the-frog-pepe-holding-sign-deez-nuts-gif-deez-nuts-ha-gif-22618462',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/squirrel-i-have-got-words-for-you-you-want-deez-nuts-gif-15404415',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-are-you-ready-gif-20161550',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-nutz-deez-gif-18259525',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/dee-gif-4387670',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/omori-deez-nuts-so-funny-funny-joke-right-guys-gif-21468920',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deeznuts-gif-5578640',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/dznutz-gif-7146897',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nut-deez-nuts-gobble-gobble-deez-nuts-gif-25294130',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-gif-22383209',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/guilty-gear-strive-happy-chaos-deez-nuts-gif-guilty-gear-gif-23786775',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/mouth-full-my-nuts-squirrel-mine-get-away-gif-14154065',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/friday-night-funkin-deez-nuts-hop-on-gif-22197266',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-cookie-deez-nutz-deez-nuts-nft-gif-23901553',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/homare-arisugawa-a3-deez-nuts-gif-22718748',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/cope-deez-cope-on-deez-colossalcraft-coping-gif-23556695',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/hug-kiss-gif-23992029',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nutz-deez-nuts-gif-22037745',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-nft-deez-nuts-gif-deez-nuts-deez-big-nuts-deez-gif-23605637',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deez-deez-nuts-gif-25652186',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/gulpin-deeznuts-gif-21798060',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-deez-burger-king-burger-king-crown-airplane-gif-21978215',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-rap-john-oh-you-really-like-deez-nut-up-in-your-face-gif-22744730',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/hop-on-deez-nuts-gif-25437799',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/h3-h3podcast-5percent-five-percent-h3five-percent-gif-24149085',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/youre-sucking-deez-nuts-gif-21505910',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/eokel-valorant-youtube-gif-22895296',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/fortune-cooke-deez-nuts-lmao-cookie-fortune-gif-21740031',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-takemichi-feet-gif-22705365',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-dana-gif-19615763',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/smg4-gif-23834017',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/urmom-hololive-gif-21993936',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-paradise-pd-crabbage-gif-21925327',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/willem-dafoe-insane-insanity-crazy-nuts-gif-20731647',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/yogi-bear-yogi-bear-doughnuts-deez-nuts-gif-gif-23782410',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/dane-cook-carpe-deez-nuts-floyd-waiting-gif-17393528',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/what-are-you-putting-on-your-wiener-what-is-on-your-wiener-what-do-you-put-on-your-wiener-on-your-wiener-your-wiener-gif-18064519',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/king-kong-deez-nuts-meme-kong-king-gif-21432884',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/bangbang-gun-shot-powpow-pow-gif-21746849',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/mcdonalds-meme-gif-mickey-deez-gif-9926547',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/deez-nuts-spongebob-gif-5267436',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/hangover-nuts-chow-ken-jeong-the-hangover-gif-13028372',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/snl-natalie-portman-jiggle-nuts-lonely-gif-15048024',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/omegalul-deez-deez-nuts-twitch-clips-gif-22601733',
|
|
||||||
'https://tenor.com/view/you-ready-deez-nuts-gif-18188433',
|
|
||||||
'https://media.giphy.com/media/jt3R5veCXNM1jJ183A/giphy-downsized-large.gif',
|
|
||||||
]
|
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
limericks = [
|
|
||||||
'Limericks I cannot compose,\n\
|
|
||||||
With noxious smells in my nose.\n\
|
|
||||||
But this one was easy,\n\
|
|
||||||
I only felt queasy,\n\
|
|
||||||
Because I was sniffing my toes.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There was a young woman named Bright,\n\
|
|
||||||
Whose speed was much faster than light.\n\
|
|
||||||
She set out one day,\n\
|
|
||||||
In a relative way,\n\
|
|
||||||
And returned on the previous night.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There was an odd fellow named Gus,\n\
|
|
||||||
When traveling he made such a fuss.\n\
|
|
||||||
He was banned from the train,\n\
|
|
||||||
Not allowed on a plane,\n\
|
|
||||||
And now travels only by bus.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There once was a fly on the wall,\n\
|
|
||||||
I wonder, why didn’t it fall?\n\
|
|
||||||
Because its feet stuck? Or was it just luck?\n\
|
|
||||||
Or does gravity miss things so small?',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There once was a man from Tibet,\n\
|
|
||||||
Who couldn’t find a cigarette\n\
|
|
||||||
So he smoked all his socks,\n\
|
|
||||||
and got chicken-pox,\n\
|
|
||||||
and had to go to the vet.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There was a young woman named Bright,\n\
|
|
||||||
Whose speed was much faster than light.\n\
|
|
||||||
She set out one day,\n\
|
|
||||||
In a relative way,\n\
|
|
||||||
And returned on the previous night.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'I need a front door for my hall,\n\
|
|
||||||
The replacement I bought was too tall.\n\
|
|
||||||
So I hacked it and chopped it,\n\
|
|
||||||
And carefully lopped it,\n\
|
|
||||||
And now the dumb thing is too small',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There once was a boy named Dan,\n\
|
|
||||||
who wanted to fry in a pan.\n\
|
|
||||||
He tried and he tried,\n\
|
|
||||||
and eventually died,\n\
|
|
||||||
that weird little boy named Dan.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'A newspaperman named Fling,\n\
|
|
||||||
Could make “copy” from any old thing.\n\
|
|
||||||
But the copy he wrote,\n\
|
|
||||||
Of a five-dollar note,\n\
|
|
||||||
Was so good he now wears so much bling.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'I know an old owl named Boo,\n\
|
|
||||||
Every night he yelled Hoo,\n\
|
|
||||||
Once a kid walked by,\n\
|
|
||||||
And started to cry,\n\
|
|
||||||
And yelled I don’t have a clue!',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'I once fell in love with a blonde,\n\
|
|
||||||
But found that she wasn’t so fond.\n\
|
|
||||||
Of my pet turtle named Odle,\n\
|
|
||||||
whom I’d taught how to Yodel,\n\
|
|
||||||
So she dumped him outside in the pond.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'I’d rather have Fingers than Toes,\n\
|
|
||||||
I’d rather have Ears than a Nose.\n\
|
|
||||||
And as for my Hair,\n\
|
|
||||||
I’m glad it’s all there,\n\
|
|
||||||
I’ll be awfully sad, when it goes.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There was a Young Lady whose chin\n\
|
|
||||||
Resembled the point of a pin:\n\
|
|
||||||
So she had it made sharp,\n\
|
|
||||||
And purchased a harp,\n\
|
|
||||||
And played several tunes with her chin. (Edward Lear)',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'Hickory Dickory dock,\n\
|
|
||||||
the mouse ran up the clock;\n\
|
|
||||||
the clock struck one\n\
|
|
||||||
and down he run;\n\
|
|
||||||
hickory Dickory dock. (Charles Perrault)',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There was a faith-healer of Deal,\n\
|
|
||||||
Who said: “Although pain isn’t real,\n\
|
|
||||||
If I sit on a pin\n\
|
|
||||||
And it punctures my skin,\n\
|
|
||||||
I dislike what I fancy I feel.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'My dog is really quite hip,\n\
|
|
||||||
Except when he takes a cold dip.\n\
|
|
||||||
He looks like a fool,\n\
|
|
||||||
when he jumps in the pool,\n\
|
|
||||||
and reminds me of a sinking ship.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'A painter, who lived in Great Britain,\n\
|
|
||||||
Interrupted two girls with their knitting,\n\
|
|
||||||
He said, with a sigh,\n\
|
|
||||||
That park bench–well I,\n\
|
|
||||||
Just painted it, right where you’re sitting.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There is a young schoolboy named Mason,\n\
|
|
||||||
Whose mom cuts his hair with a basin.\n\
|
|
||||||
When he stands in one place,\n\
|
|
||||||
With a scarf round his face,\n\
|
|
||||||
It’s a mystery which way he’s facing.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There was a young schoolboy of Rye,\n\
|
|
||||||
Who was baked by mistake in a pie.\n\
|
|
||||||
To his mother’s disgust,\n\
|
|
||||||
He emerged through the crust,\n\
|
|
||||||
And exclaimed, with a yawn, Where am I?',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'An elderly man called Keith,\n\
|
|
||||||
Mislaid his set of false teeth.\n\
|
|
||||||
They’d been laid on a chair,\n\
|
|
||||||
He’d forgot they were there,\n\
|
|
||||||
Sat down, and was bitten beneath.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There was an old man of Peru,\n\
|
|
||||||
Who dreamt he was eating his shoe.\n\
|
|
||||||
He woke in the night,\n\
|
|
||||||
With a terrible fright,\n\
|
|
||||||
And found it was perfectly true.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'The incredible Wizard of Oz,\n\
|
|
||||||
Retired from his business becoz.\n\
|
|
||||||
Due to up-to-date science,\n\
|
|
||||||
To most of his clients,\n\
|
|
||||||
He wasn’t the Wizard he woz.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'Once I visited France,\n\
|
|
||||||
And learned a new, awesome dance.\n\
|
|
||||||
I twirled,\n\
|
|
||||||
And I swirled,\n\
|
|
||||||
And Is it me or the nature of money,\n\
|
|
||||||
That’s odd and particularly funny.\n\
|
|
||||||
But when I have dough,\n\
|
|
||||||
It goes quickly, you know,\n\
|
|
||||||
And seeps out of my pockets like honey.\n\
|
|
||||||
I lost my pants.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'Is it me or the nature of money,\n\
|
|
||||||
That’s odd and particularly funny.\n\
|
|
||||||
But when I have dough,\n\
|
|
||||||
It goes quickly, you know,\n\
|
|
||||||
And seeps out of my pockets like honey.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There once was a farmer from Leeds,\n\
|
|
||||||
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.\n\
|
|
||||||
It soon came to pass,\n\
|
|
||||||
He was covered with grass,\n\
|
|
||||||
But has all the tomatoes he needs.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'A fellow jumped off a high wall,\n\
|
|
||||||
And had a most terrible fall.\n\
|
|
||||||
He went back to bed,\n\
|
|
||||||
With a bump on his head,\n\
|
|
||||||
That’s why you don’t jump off a wall.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'A man and his lady-love, Min,\n\
|
|
||||||
Skated out where the ice was quite thin.\n\
|
|
||||||
Had a quarrel, no doubt,\n\
|
|
||||||
For I hear they fell out,\n\
|
|
||||||
What a blessing they didn’t fall in!',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There was a young lady of Cork,\n\
|
|
||||||
Whose Pa made a fortune in pork.\n\
|
|
||||||
He bought for his daughter,\n\
|
|
||||||
A tutor who taught her,\n\
|
|
||||||
To balance green peas on her fork.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There once was a Martian called Zed\n\
|
|
||||||
With antennae all over his head.\n\
|
|
||||||
He sent out a lot\n\
|
|
||||||
Di-di-dash-di-dot\n\
|
|
||||||
But nobody knew what he said!',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There once was a girl named Sam\n\
|
|
||||||
Who did not eat roast beef and ham\n\
|
|
||||||
She ate a green apple\n\
|
|
||||||
Then drank some Snapple\n\
|
|
||||||
Some say she eats like a lamb.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'Said the man with a wink of his eye\n\
|
|
||||||
‘But I love you‘ and then the reply\n\
|
|
||||||
From the girl, it was heard\n\
|
|
||||||
‘You are truly absurd!\n\
|
|
||||||
I have only this moment walked by!’',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'A wonderful bird is the Pelican.\n\
|
|
||||||
His beak can hold more than his belly can.\n\
|
|
||||||
He can hold in his beak\n\
|
|
||||||
Enough food for a week!\n\
|
|
||||||
But I’ll be darned if I know how the hellican?',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There was once a great man in Japan\n\
|
|
||||||
Whose name on Tuesday began,\n\
|
|
||||||
It lasted through Sunday\n\
|
|
||||||
Till twilight on Monday\n\
|
|
||||||
And it sounded like stones in a can.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There was a young man so benighted\n\
|
|
||||||
He never knew when he was slighted;\n\
|
|
||||||
He would go to a party\n\
|
|
||||||
And eat just as hearty,\n\
|
|
||||||
As if he’d been really invited.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There was an old man from Sudan,\n\
|
|
||||||
Whose limericks never would scan.\n\
|
|
||||||
When told this was so,\n\
|
|
||||||
He said, ‘yes, I know.\n\
|
|
||||||
‘But I always try to get as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can.’',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'A maiden at college, Miss Breeze,\n\
|
|
||||||
Weighed down by B.A.s and Lit.D’s,\n\
|
|
||||||
Collapsed from the strain,\n\
|
|
||||||
Said her doctor, “It’s plain\n\
|
|
||||||
You are killing yourself—by degrees!”',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'A canner, exceedingly canny,\n\
|
|
||||||
One morning remarked to his granny,\n\
|
|
||||||
“A canner can can\n\
|
|
||||||
Anything that he can;\n\
|
|
||||||
But a canner can’t can a can, can he?”',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd\n\
|
|
||||||
She was frightened—it must be allowed.\n\
|
|
||||||
Soon a happy thought hit her—\n\
|
|
||||||
To scare off the critter,\n\
|
|
||||||
She sat up in bed and meowed.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There was a young woman named Kite,\n\
|
|
||||||
Whose speed was much faster than light,\n\
|
|
||||||
She set out one day,\n\
|
|
||||||
In a relative way,\n\
|
|
||||||
And returned on the previous night.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'A flea and a fly in a flue,\n\
|
|
||||||
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?\n\
|
|
||||||
Said the fly, “Let us flee!”\n\
|
|
||||||
“Let us fly,” said the flea,\n\
|
|
||||||
And they flew through a flaw in the flue.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'A major, with wonderful force,\n\
|
|
||||||
Called out in Hyde Park for a horse.\n\
|
|
||||||
All the flowers looked round,\n\
|
|
||||||
But no horse could be found;\n\
|
|
||||||
So he just rhododendron, of course.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'A nifty young flapper named Jane\n\
|
|
||||||
While walking was caught in the rain.\n\
|
|
||||||
She ran–almost flew,\n\
|
|
||||||
Her complexion did too,\n\
|
|
||||||
And she reached home exceedingly plain.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'“There’s a train at 4:04,” said Miss Jenny.\n\
|
|
||||||
“Four tickets I’ll take; have you any?”\n\
|
|
||||||
Said the man at the door,\n\
|
|
||||||
“Not four for 4:04,\n\
|
|
||||||
For four for 4:04 is too many.”',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'A canny young fisher named Fisher\n\
|
|
||||||
Once fished from the edge of a fissure.\n\
|
|
||||||
A fish with a grin\n\
|
|
||||||
Pulled the fisherman in—\n\
|
|
||||||
Now they’re fishing the fissure for Fisher.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'Here’s to the chigger,\n\
|
|
||||||
The bug that’s no bigger\n\
|
|
||||||
Than the point of an undersized pin;\n\
|
|
||||||
But the welt that he raises\n\
|
|
||||||
Sure itches like blazes,\n\
|
|
||||||
And that’s where the rub comes in!',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'A cheerful old bear at the Zoo\n\
|
|
||||||
Could always find something to do.\n\
|
|
||||||
When it bored him, you know,\n\
|
|
||||||
To walk to and fro,\n\
|
|
||||||
He reversed it and walked fro and to.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'The bottle of perfume that Willie sent\n\
|
|
||||||
Was highly displeasing to Millicent;\n\
|
|
||||||
Her thanks were so cold\n\
|
|
||||||
They quarreled, I’m told,\n\
|
|
||||||
Through that silly scent Willie sent Millicent.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'I bought a new Hoover today,\n\
|
|
||||||
Plugged it in in the usual way,\n\
|
|
||||||
Switched it on – what a din;\n\
|
|
||||||
It sucked everything in,\n\
|
|
||||||
Now I’m homeless with no place to stay.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'A crossword compiler named Moss\n\
|
|
||||||
Who found himself quite at a loss\n\
|
|
||||||
When asked, ‘Why so blue?’\n\
|
|
||||||
Said, ‘I haven’t a clue\n\
|
|
||||||
I’m 2 Down to put 1 Across.’',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'I’m papering walls in the loo\n\
|
|
||||||
And quite frankly I haven’t a clue;\n\
|
|
||||||
For the pattern’s all wrong\n\
|
|
||||||
(Or the paper’s too long)\n\
|
|
||||||
And I’m stuck to the toilet with glue.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There once was an old man of Esser,\n\
|
|
||||||
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,\n\
|
|
||||||
It at last grew so small\n\
|
|
||||||
He knew nothing at all\n\
|
|
||||||
And now he’s a college professor.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'To compose a sonata today,\n\
|
|
||||||
Don’t proceed in the old-fashioned way:\n\
|
|
||||||
With your toes on the keys,\n\
|
|
||||||
Bang the floor with your knees:\n\
|
|
||||||
“Oh how modern!” the critics will say.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There was a young lady named Perkins,\n\
|
|
||||||
Who just simply doted on gherkins.\n\
|
|
||||||
In spite of advice,\n\
|
|
||||||
She ate so much spice,\n\
|
|
||||||
That she pickled her internal workins’.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There was an old man of Nantucket\n\
|
|
||||||
Who kept all his cash in a bucket;\n\
|
|
||||||
But his daughter, named Nan\n\
|
|
||||||
Ran away with a man —\n\
|
|
||||||
And as far as the bucket, Nantucket.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There was a young lady of Kent,\n\
|
|
||||||
Whose nose was most awfully bent.\n\
|
|
||||||
She followed her nose\n\
|
|
||||||
One day, I suppose —\n\
|
|
||||||
And no one knows which way she went.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There was a young lady named Hannah,\n\
|
|
||||||
Who slipped on a peel of banana.\n\
|
|
||||||
As she lay on her side,\n\
|
|
||||||
More stars she espied\n\
|
|
||||||
Than there are in the Star-Spangled Banner.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There was a dear lady of Eden,\n\
|
|
||||||
Who on apples was quite fond of feedin’;\n\
|
|
||||||
She gave one to Adam,\n\
|
|
||||||
Who said, “Thank you, Madam,”\n\
|
|
||||||
And then both skedaddled from Eden.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'A certain young fellow named Bee-Bee\n\
|
|
||||||
Wished to wed a woman named Phoebe.\n\
|
|
||||||
“But,” he said, “I must see\n\
|
|
||||||
What the clerical fee\n\
|
|
||||||
Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Bee-Bee',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'Remember when nearly sixteen\n\
|
|
||||||
On your very first date as a teen\n\
|
|
||||||
At the movies? If yes,\n\
|
|
||||||
Then I bet you can’t guess\n\
|
|
||||||
What was shown on the cinema screen.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There was an old person of Fratton\n\
|
|
||||||
Who would go to church with his hat on.\n\
|
|
||||||
‘If I wake up,’ he said,\n\
|
|
||||||
‘With a hat on my head,\n\
|
|
||||||
I will know that it hasn’t been sat on.’',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'My neighbor came over to say\n\
|
|
||||||
(Although not in a neighborly way)\n\
|
|
||||||
That he’d knock me around\n\
|
|
||||||
If I didn’t curb the sound\n\
|
|
||||||
Of the classical music I play.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'I told him, “Get out of my place\n\
|
|
||||||
You’re an utter uncultured disgrace;\n\
|
|
||||||
You’re a simpleton loon.\n\
|
|
||||||
Don’t you know a good tune?”\n\
|
|
||||||
Then he walloped me square in the face.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There was a young man from Dealing\n\
|
|
||||||
Who caught the bus for Ealing.\n\
|
|
||||||
It said on the door\n\
|
|
||||||
‘Don’t spit on the floor’\n\
|
|
||||||
So he jumped up and spat on the ceiling',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'As 007 walked by\n\
|
|
||||||
He heard a wee spider say, “Hi.”\n\
|
|
||||||
But shaken, he shot\n\
|
|
||||||
It right there on the spot\n\
|
|
||||||
As it tried to explain, “I’m a spi …”',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'A tutor who tooted the flute\n\
|
|
||||||
Tried to tutor two tooters to toot\n\
|
|
||||||
Said the two to the tutor\n\
|
|
||||||
“Is it tougher to toot or\n\
|
|
||||||
To tutor two tooters to toot?”',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'No woodsman would cut a wood, would he\n\
|
|
||||||
If woods would be woodless – nor should he.\n\
|
|
||||||
Yet no woodcutter would\n\
|
|
||||||
Cut a woody-wood wood\n\
|
|
||||||
If no woodsmen cut woody woods, would he?',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There once was a man from the sticks\n\
|
|
||||||
Who loved to compose limericks\n\
|
|
||||||
But he failed at his sport\n\
|
|
||||||
They were always too short\n\
|
|
||||||
Parade Daily\n\
|
|
||||||
Celebrity interviews, recipes and health tips delivered to your inbox.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'A poet whose friends called him Steve\n\
|
|
||||||
Once showed quite a will to achieve\n\
|
|
||||||
His skill grew so strong\n\
|
|
||||||
That his poems grew long\n\
|
|
||||||
And he sadly was forced to abbrev.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'If you catch a chinchilla in Chile\n\
|
|
||||||
And cut off its beard, willy-nilly\n\
|
|
||||||
You can honestly say\n\
|
|
||||||
That you have just made\n\
|
|
||||||
A Chilean chinchilla’s chin chilly',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There once was a man named Muvett\n\
|
|
||||||
Who lived in the city of Lovett\n\
|
|
||||||
But his car broke down\n\
|
|
||||||
Two miles out of town\n\
|
|
||||||
And Muvett had to shove it to Lovett!',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There once was a beautiful nurse\n\
|
|
||||||
Who carried an ugly old purse\n\
|
|
||||||
But she tripped on the door\n\
|
|
||||||
And fell on the floor\n\
|
|
||||||
And they both went away in the hearse.',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There was a young girl from Flynn\n\
|
|
||||||
Who was so terribly thin\n\
|
|
||||||
When she sipped lemonade\n\
|
|
||||||
Through a straw in the shade\n\
|
|
||||||
She slipped through the straw and fell in!',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There once was a man from Gorem\n\
|
|
||||||
Had a pair of tight pants and he wore ’em\n\
|
|
||||||
When he bowed with a grin\n\
|
|
||||||
A draft of air rushed in\n\
|
|
||||||
And he knew by the sound that he tore ’em!',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There once was a man from the city\n\
|
|
||||||
Stooped to pat what he thought was a kitty\n\
|
|
||||||
He gave it a pat\n\
|
|
||||||
But it wasn’t a cat-\n\
|
|
||||||
They buried his clothes – what a pity!',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'There once was a gal from Decatur\n\
|
|
||||||
Who went to sing in a the-a-ter\n\
|
|
||||||
But the poor little thing\n\
|
|
||||||
When she started to sing\n\
|
|
||||||
Got hit by a rotten termater! (tomato)',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'What happens when you retire?\n\
|
|
||||||
You really don’t have to inquire –\n\
|
|
||||||
No job and no phone\n\
|
|
||||||
There’s no place but home,\n\
|
|
||||||
And your checkbook’s about to expire!',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'At times I’m so mad that I’m hopping.\n\
|
|
||||||
My angriness sets my veins popping.\n\
|
|
||||||
I yell and I curse,\n\
|
|
||||||
With swear words diverse,\n\
|
|
||||||
But my wife does much worse: she goes shopping',
|
|
||||||
\
|
|
||||||
'One Saturday morning at three,\n\
|
|
||||||
A cheese monger’s shop in Paree.\n\
|
|
||||||
Collapsed to the ground,\n\
|
|
||||||
With a thunderous sound,\n\
|
|
||||||
Leaving only a pile of de brie.'
|
|
||||||
]
|
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
# Init
|
# Init
|
||||||
@client.event
|
@client.event
|
||||||
async def on_ready():
|
async def on_ready():
|
||||||
print(l1gmab0t+'\n'+datetime.datetime.now().strftime('%Y-%m-%d %H:%M:%S')+'\nLogged in as {0.user}'.format(client))
|
print(motd+'\n'+datetime.datetime.now().strftime('%Y-%m-%d %H:%M:%S')+'\nLogged in as {0.user}'.format(client))
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
# Monitor Incoming
|
# Monitor Incoming
|
||||||
@client.event
|
@client.event
|
||||||
|
|
@ -653,11 +94,11 @@ async def on_message(message):
|
||||||
return
|
return
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
elif user_message.lower().count('deez') > 0 or user_message.lower().count('bofa') > 0 or user_message.lower().count('ligma') > 0 or user_message.lower().count('l1gma') > 0 or user_message.lower().count('l1gm4') > 0 or user_message.lower().count('ligm4') > 0:
|
elif user_message.lower().count('deez') > 0 or user_message.lower().count('bofa') > 0 or user_message.lower().count('ligma') > 0 or user_message.lower().count('l1gma') > 0 or user_message.lower().count('l1gm4') > 0 or user_message.lower().count('ligm4') > 0:
|
||||||
await message.channel.send(np.random.choice(ligma))
|
await message.channel.send(ligma())
|
||||||
return
|
return
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
elif user_message.lower().count('limerick') > 0 or user_message.lower().count('limrick') > 0:
|
elif user_message.lower().count('limerick') > 0 or user_message.lower().count('limrick') > 0:
|
||||||
await message.channel.send(np.random.choice(limericks))
|
await message.channel.send(limerick())
|
||||||
return
|
return
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
elif user_message.lower().count('prost!') > 0:
|
elif user_message.lower().count('prost!') > 0:
|
||||||
|
|
|
||||||
Loading…
Add table
Reference in a new issue